Magenta
June 25th, 2011, 12:01 AM
Well, I haven't posted in awhile because I really had nothing to say... weird compared to my usual insane self.
All I see now... blood. I just want to see the blood in front of me and not in my head. I keep thinking that the more there is, the better I'll feel and I just can't bleed enough. I'm so overwhelmed right now. Emotions I didn't think I'd have again and risked and now regret. And it's entirely my fault. Wondering if this should go in the mental crisis forum but it's mostly about my insane addiction to seeing my own blood. I'm afraid that one day I'll go crazy and won't stop... but maybe that would be for the best? I'm tired of trying and waking up to another day or misery or numb nothingness. I've been self-harming, if unknowingly, for nine years. Why bother stopping now? My entire life has almost been made up of me hurting myself...
I really need this right now.
/rant.
That didn't even make any sense.
All I see now... blood. I just want to see the blood in front of me and not in my head. I keep thinking that the more there is, the better I'll feel and I just can't bleed enough. I'm so overwhelmed right now. Emotions I didn't think I'd have again and risked and now regret. And it's entirely my fault. Wondering if this should go in the mental crisis forum but it's mostly about my insane addiction to seeing my own blood. I'm afraid that one day I'll go crazy and won't stop... but maybe that would be for the best? I'm tired of trying and waking up to another day or misery or numb nothingness. I've been self-harming, if unknowingly, for nine years. Why bother stopping now? My entire life has almost been made up of me hurting myself...
I really need this right now.
/rant.
That didn't even make any sense.