I promised myself I wouldn't do this.

[Jonni]

And, I don't know, I feel ashamed knowing that I actually did what I have done. But I cut myself last night, and now it's progressed all over my leg. I promised myself that I would be strong for my dad who's no longer by my side. I promised i'd be the strong one in this family.
But...
.. i'm not.

And now i'm getting strong urges to do it.

[DifferentTides]

I find it almost unbearable when i make a promise to myself and other's of importance to me... then break it. I feel as if i had not only let down myself and proven that I am not as strong as I wanted to be, but i had also dissapointed my friend who I made to promise to. I hurts a lot to realise that despite your best intentions, you have failed...

I say this because I told my best friend that I actually started to cut, then promised to try to not do it, then I failed. But he seemed to be still supportive of helping me, despite me doing it again. I think we just tend to judge ourselves to hardly for being human, and not being perfect.

Do you have anyone you can talk to about this now. It's hard to do it on your own. I believe in you! Stay strong jonni

[Jonni]

I've told my friend, but I only know her online. No one in real life knows, and never will know. Now I need to know how to hide these from doctors.

[DifferentTides]

It's a start with the online friend, but I do think someone needs to know. Apart from this site, only 1 person knows this, and it makes a huge difference, trust me. I know you maybe scared of what they might think of you, but sometimes we need to take that leap of faith. We can't handle it alone. But it will always be your choice as to what you do.

[User Deleted]

Perhaps you don't need to hide them from your doctors. Addictions (and I'm speaking from personal experience) are incredibly hard to break. Professional help might be just the thing you need ;)

[Jonni]

I've been through so much in this last year, that I really don't think there's too many people I can trust. I don't have parents. I have a step mother. No mom, no dad. I can't tell my step mom, because she'd call me names. Or something to just hurt me more. My sisters/brother would call me crazy. Or they'd think i'm asking for attention. Everyone's story is different- and my story has came to the point where the only person I trust is my father, who's not even alive.