I feel helpless?

[Lethe]

This post might be a little long, so I apologize beforehand!

So...I've always had troubles with how I look. I'm not very attractive at all; I'm very big-boned and because of that I have big shoulders for a girl and I'm just large and blocky. I don't have a pretty face at all and on top of that I wear glasses (I can't wear contacts because I am allergic to the saline solution). I'm also a little overweight; I'm 5'7.5'' and I weigh around 156lbs.

I just don't see myself as ever getting better. I'm dieting and exercising but it's just embarrassing for me to eat or go out in public even though I'm working to better myself. I don't look like other girls and because of that I haven't really had a good life so to speak. I'm not pretty and I'm not thin or small; my big bones make me awkward and my face is just embarrassing. I'm really quiet because of it because I know how people view me. I'm that one big girl no one likes; in class, I always notice that I'm the biggest and heaviest girl in the room.

I've only had one boyfriend my whole life, and I wasn't good enough for him. He was dating a much smaller, much slimmer girl for a couple weeks while he was dating me, and he broke up with me on Valentine's. It made me realize just how worthless I really am. I don't ever see myself being the type of girl that gets a boyfriend or gets married. I want to, and I want to have children, but I'd feel terrible if they turned out looking like me. It would make their lives hell just like mine.

I just feel so helpless. I want to end my life because I know I can never be happy with the body I was put into. What should I do? What can I do? I need help :(.

[Iris]

if the guy is so fixated on physical beauty then he doesn't deserve you. I think out of the hundreds of millions of ppl out there, you'll find someone who loves you for who you are inside :)

[Lethe]

I really hope so. I just don't know if I can. My appearance is so off-putting that it seems impossible for me to find a guy who'd be willing to date me. I'm not feminine and I'm not pretty. I just don't know :(

[Iris]

i know i feel that way all the time...this might be evil but sometimes i'll google 'fat couple' or something like that to prove to myself that even overweight ppl like me find love....

[Lethe]

Haha, I admit I've done that before. I also watch shows like "Say Yes to the Dress: Big Bliss" to help myself understand that everyone can find love :). Still, I have trouble believing that I can find it myself. I've just never been approached by guys, and I've been told plenty of times how I'm not really attractive enough to stick with.

[Iris]

the world's a cruel place...

[Lethe]

I suppose so. I guess I should just accept that I won't marry or have children. Maybe I shouldn't; I'd feel awful if my children looked like me. I'd have to adopt if I ever did get married.

[Iris]

first of all if you're a good parent they'll learn that physical beauty isn't everything. second, ask anyone whether they'd prefer being beautiful or being loved and supported. They'll pick loved and supported. That's what's important in the end.
And to be honest I think everyone should adopt. There are so many kids out there who are hurting and alone that need a loving person to nurture and take care of them. I'd say go for it, but not because you're afraid of passing on bad genes.

[Lethe]

Well, that all depends on if I get married, which I know is near impossible. Still, I agree. I think adopting is a good way to go. There are 110,000+ children in America that need families...I want to give a home to a child like that. I just don't know if I should even bother trying to take that route, because I'm really not good enough for any child or man. I just don't know :(. It's so confusing and I feel so hopeless when I think about it.

[Iris]

You are good enough, because you're a good person. I don't want to sound like a cheesy disney movie (though disney ROCKS) but it's what's inside that matters. And also there are nice, overweight guys out there who are thinking "no girl would ever want to marry me because i'm so fat" too, who won't care about your build or weight.

[Lethe]

Thank you :). I try hard to be a good person. I just don't know if my personality is enough to catch a guy :/.

[Iris]

:) i think it will. if you're still really worried then try developing your talents or pick up a hobby so you become more unique. Then I think you're personality will stand out more :)

[Lethe]

Well even if it does stand out, will it be enough for a guy to date me? I'm really not attractive at all :/. In today's society is it really enough?

[Iris]

i think you wrote somewhere that we're our own worst critics. and its so so true. i bet there are beautiful things about you that you don't realize

[Lethe]

Haha, yes I did say that :D. But other people critisize me for my appearance too; actually a lot of people do. The only good things about me come from personality, I think. I don't think anything physical about me is beautiful :D. But maybe someone will think different. I'm just not sure if I'll ever meet a man who thinks that.

[Iris]

:/ sorry about the people who criticized you. That's just mean. Also since you've been told that you're not beautiful your brain makes that connection immediately so its especially hard to believe otherwise. Maybe you have beautiful eyes, or hair, or smile and you don't realize it.
Also since your on vt you're obviously not that old so you still have a lot of time to find the right guy :)

[Lethe]

Well I'm 17, so I'm almost an adult. So it's kind of too late to date anyone in high school because I've already been labeled as "non-dateable" by most of the guys in my school. But honestly, I don't believe I have any good physical qualities. I think my eye-color is alright, but otherwise everything else pretty much sucks.

[Iris]

17 is not that old, you know. and when you leave school and go on to college or wtvr you'll have a fresh start so who knows what'll happen :) if you convince yourself that no one will like you how will you let anyone like you? you're sabotaging yourself

[Lethe]

You're right, I shouldn't sabotage myself by thinking that way. Still, it's hard to find something positive about me to emphasize on, because there is none! I'm a happy person and I have a good personality, but I really don't know if that's enough. Even for college :/. I don't know! It's so saddening.

[Iris]

I'm so sorry :( i know how hard it is. Just one more thing-being a happy person is a really good trait and i bet lots of guys will like that. I've been diagnosed with depression and i cut every day which is something most people don't want to deal with :(. Don't let your physical appearance get yourself down-ppl will appreciate that and respect you if you respect yourself. If not then their assholes who don't deserve you.

[Lethe]

Well even though I'm happy guys still don't approach me or talk to me, whether at school or elsewhere. So being happy hasn't done much for me I'm afraid x'D.

I respect myself, I just don't think my physical appearance is good. And no one else does either :D. It's very sub-par at best.

[Iris]

School is different than the rest of the world. Things will change, i'm sure of it :) One day you're going to look back at these posts and laugh that you were so worried, because things will work out.

[Lethe]

Well yes, but you do spend most of your early life at school. And still, I don't expect myself to be any better-looking in the future, so I'm not certain if my situation will ever improve.

[Iris]

ok well you still have that happiness and the good personality right? guys might want to have sex with pretty girls but want to spend the rest of their lives with someone with a good personality.

[Lethe]

Yes, I'm still a good, happy person :). Although I'm not sure if even a really nice guy would settle down with someone like me. I wouldn't blame them, I'm yucky! I wouldn't have sex with me either :/.

[Iris]

:/ you have to try and boost your self esteem...

[Lethe]

I do try to have good (or okay) self-esteem, but it is difficult, especially with my looks...still, I try to be a good person so that maybe one day I'll be liked :').

[Iris]

that's really great :) :) :)

[User Deleted]

And also know, (this is a big one) that in a relationship looks should not matter. If a 'friend' judges you for looking bad they are not really your friend. A friend will stay by you through thick and thin. You seem like a great person so I wouldn't stress too much about it. And as long as you are kind to others they will have no reason to dislike you and they need to learn a lesson. But back to the point, relationships are not supposed to be physical, it should be based on personality and beliefs.

[Lethe]

Well no, they aren't supposed to be completely physical, but if there is no physical attraction then a relationship is pretty impossible, right? That's my situation.