I think there's something seriously wrong with me.

[1_21Guns]

This is the part where people start thinking I don’t want to speak to them anymore because my moodswings leave me wanting to isolate myself, completely not with it, and almost unable to react or reply properly. It isn’t that. I get more annoyed at myself watching people move away thinking it’s what I want them to do when in reality I don’t. I just don’t know how to control this shit. Never fucking ends. I’ve hurt too many people in the past from it, and now I just can’t fucking win with it.
I don't even know why I get them, I've got them for so long now, they've almost become part of me, but now they're at the point where they're at extremes. I'm supposed to be having a friend over tonight, and I'm absolutely terrified it'll happen while she's there. Then I'll lose her, like I lost everyone else.
Yeah, go to the doctors, I know. I never fucking do though, my head always finds a reason not to. I just want the shit to stop. I don't know how much more I can take. I don't want to end up crying myself to sleep while she's there, it's just fucking embarassing.
I'm such a waste.

[MadManWithaBox]

See Nat, at the endif the day, you need go see a doctor. I've said it before. Make yourself go

[DifferentTides]

Sometimes we need that driving force that will make us do the hard things. We try to avoid what is nessassary because we fear what is to come and the associated consequences of that choice.

Remember, you are you. Your moodswings are not you, your problems are not you. Take control, because i believe that you can. And im sure with help from your friends and others that you can Nat.

Stay Strong :)

[1_21Guns]

Maybe Matt, maybe.

And thankyou Mitch :)

[MadManWithaBox]

Not maybe Nat. Make yourself go. Tell someone, make them go.

[1_21Guns]

July.

[MadManWithaBox]

You have a date to see them in July?

[1_21Guns]

No, but I'm not going near until July.

[MadManWithaBox]

You need this Nat. You know I'm right. The longer you wait, worse it'll be.

[1_21Guns]

I have a busy week Matt. I'm not fucking up my plans for the sake of something which can wait a week.

[MadManWithaBox]

But you and I both know it'll get worse. You've been waiting..... Ages. Long enough. You convinced me to go back and get help, remember? Now I want to do it for you.

[1_21Guns]

Well it won't mind waiting another week. I'm not risking missing prom when I'll never see some of my closest friends again after it. I'm not cutting anymore, so I can't be that bad. I'm just sick.

[MadManWithaBox]

If you're sure. You promise you'll go after prom? It's not just being sick is it?

[1_21Guns]

It's what you make it Matt. It's what your mind makes it. I ain't promising anything. But probably.

[MadManWithaBox]

I don't disagree there. But what your mind I'd making isn't healthy is it? Neither was mine, and look how that ended.

[1_21Guns]

It all ends the same way Matt, tomorrow, or in 80 years, it all ends the same

[MadManWithaBox]

It's how we use that time Nat. We can do great things, or nothing at all. We can be happy or sad. Whether we live to be 19, or 99. We choose that.

[1_21Guns]

We choose concequences. That's all we choose. The stuff in between is luck of the draw. In reality, we have no control, or choice over anything

[MadManWithaBox]

Almost Everything is choice. Literally,almost everything. If we eat, sleep, move, walk, whatever. We can't choose emotions can we. We create choices, and the environment those choices create, the consequences those choice create. We choose that. We can't choose emotion. Butvwe can still controlnit. Question is, do you want to use that control, to lice life Nat?

[1_21Guns]

Life, death, it's all the same. Just another venture into the unknown, for if we knew what was around the corner, there would be no point in either of these situations. Sometimes things hinder this control, another thing we cannot control

[MadManWithaBox]

Knowing what's coming doesn't make it pointless Nat. It just means we can enjoy something. Same person, same experience. Doesn't mean we can't enjoy the unknown either. It's the unknown that compells us to go forward. It's the familiar that makes us strong enough to walk into the darkness.

[1_21Guns]

Perhaps some of us prefer the dark Matt, being unable to see what's infront of you is kind of a delusion. It's danger. It's adrenaline.

[MadManWithaBox]

Delusions are exactly what they say. Delusions. Son is danger. Adrenaline can compelling us to do stupid things, that we'll regret.

[1_21Guns]

Regret nothing, or forever exist. I've made my choice out of those. And delusion? Life's a delusion in the end

[MadManWithaBox]

It's only a delusion if we create an empire of nothing. If we do nothing worthwhile.

[1_21Guns]

A world of nothing, sure beats this bullshit reality

[MadManWithaBox]

We create ourvown worlds. The people that surround us, the place we live, the things we do. It's only a world of nothing if we make it out of nothing. Bullshit people, bullshit place. If we have any significance in this world, if we only one person life for the better, it's not nothing.

[DifferentTides]

Ok, so in my opinion... you have at least set the month. I wouldn't advise an exact date, but instead go for in between a time of at least 5 day's maybe, and within those you should go. Remember, this is for yourself.

Life is what we make. If we believe it to be a delusion, then i shall be that way. If we see it to be full and vast, then it shall be that way. Sure it won't always be as we imagine it to be, nothing ever is. But never be too afraid to step beyond what you know.

Because a promise can be so easily broken, Can we reach a mutual understanding that you will at least go sometime in July so you can make time for yourself and do this? I still believe in you!