Bath
June 23rd, 2011, 12:45 PM
It's a long distance relationship.
If you're going to tell me long distance doesn't work, I don't really care and I've heard the "best" arguments out there, I just won't care, so don't bother. I'm seeing him in December.
He told me last night this because he thought I needed to know, he didn't want to lie to me. He told me that two nights ago, when he got accepted into this Orchestra thing (he loves music) that he didn't feel attracted to me. That it was, like, neutral. And that for the first time, he didn't really want to talk to me. But then when he went to bed and woke up in the morning, he thought to himself, "damn, I really love her, why did I think that?"
That hurt in itself, but then I remembered.
He had told me he loved me, like he always does.
I told him that and he said, yeah, he did say that.
And then I remembered it was the first time we had phone sex.
I told him about that.
He stuttered and then said yeah.
I said
"....so you used me?"
He started to cry and said yeah.
That's not the most confusing part... he kept contradicting himself, telling me that he was trying to make me hate him, then he wanted me to forgive him, and it was really confusing. We talked for hours. He told me he does love me now and didn't know what happened. I still don't know what's true or not, but I told him I trust him. I eventually forgave him and now it's like that never happened.
My biggest fear is someone loving me, then realizing they don't.
I really don't know what to do and my anxiety has been through the roof.
This has happened so many times.
If you're going to tell me long distance doesn't work, I don't really care and I've heard the "best" arguments out there, I just won't care, so don't bother. I'm seeing him in December.
He told me last night this because he thought I needed to know, he didn't want to lie to me. He told me that two nights ago, when he got accepted into this Orchestra thing (he loves music) that he didn't feel attracted to me. That it was, like, neutral. And that for the first time, he didn't really want to talk to me. But then when he went to bed and woke up in the morning, he thought to himself, "damn, I really love her, why did I think that?"
That hurt in itself, but then I remembered.
He had told me he loved me, like he always does.
I told him that and he said, yeah, he did say that.
And then I remembered it was the first time we had phone sex.
I told him about that.
He stuttered and then said yeah.
I said
"....so you used me?"
He started to cry and said yeah.
That's not the most confusing part... he kept contradicting himself, telling me that he was trying to make me hate him, then he wanted me to forgive him, and it was really confusing. We talked for hours. He told me he does love me now and didn't know what happened. I still don't know what's true or not, but I told him I trust him. I eventually forgave him and now it's like that never happened.
My biggest fear is someone loving me, then realizing they don't.
I really don't know what to do and my anxiety has been through the roof.
This has happened so many times.