inevadible spiral

[dancer.in.breakdown]

Hi. This isnt my first forum and it probably wont be my last but I turn to them when i need to vent or get someone to listen and take me seriously but I dont have to do it in person cause im bad at that. quick review of life so far, made fun of a lott in elementary school questioned in middle school didnt really have friends wanted to die in 9th grade came out to self last year as well as lots of friends and parents and I dont like to cry I think its weak.
Why I am hear now. I constantly feel like im going to fall again and spiral every little thing that goes wrong I over think it and blow it out of proportion i feel like im living in a sense of faked or forced happiness like ive forgotten what happiness feels like so much that even if im happy now I wouldn't know cause its been so long. I constantly think im not good enough or I could be better at everything. Life shouldn't be this hard I thought that after I accepted myself and came out my depression would magically go away but I was wrong its just not as bad and I wish I could remember what being happy felt like and the feeling that I will fall and i want to cut or die again will come back. I hate this its always there and it wont go away.
sorry for rant but thanks for reading :/

[Iris]

That's the thing about depression-just because the causes of it go away doesn't necessarily mean the depression will. At least it's gotten better right? Maybe try talking to a psychologist. He/she can help you fully get out of the depression and teach you how to not worry so much over the little things that you mentioned.