Parents found my porn... was this handled correctly?

[Pica]

I'm 17 and went out yesterday but accidentally forgot my cellphone at home

When I got back home my dad was all serious face and told me to sit down. He said my mother and him went on my phone and found hardcore porn (mostly oral sex scenes). He also informed me that afterwards they also checked my texts (scolded me for bad language) and basically everything else. I responded by saying how I know it's wrong and I can understand that they are disappointed and everything, but I do feel that my privacy was horribly invaded.

Dad then said I don't deserve the privacy anyway, and told me to give up my password for my PC, which I then did. He got quite angry in the discussion but I tried to be as gentle about it as possible. He mentioned there is a difference between erotica and hardcore porn while the former may be excusable, but none are permitted and the latter is completely a disgrace.

My mother got home later and I went to her to apologize and she cried, said she forgives me and "didn't expect it from you". Felt a little rushed because 5 mins later I was back in my room and I'm thinking she just said it all to get me away from her.

I obviously feel completely embarrassed, humiliated, sad, angry and just completely put down. Did I handle the situation correctly? Did my parents? What should I do from here on? Am I right in being mad about the invasion of privacy? Is such a situation common?

[thebgsamuel]

well anyway they know about it and you knew that they would be dissapointed if they knew... dont feel bad its ok think about the parents who have children acting i porn they must feel realy bad and dissapointed...

[Nicci]

I think it is important to remember that it is technically your parents phone (if they pay for it). They are probably just shocked to see that you are growing up and have...well...urges. Anger was probably a way to cover up your dads embarrassment, imagine if you found HIS porn collection unknowingly? I found a little of my parents when I was younger and flipped out, haha. I don't think it was right of your mom to say that, she seemed to point the finger a bit-it's not like others don't view porn. But again, it was probably because she was shocked/surprised that you are growing up. I imagine it is a hard position for any parent (and awkward). You seemed to handle the issue very well and maturely (which I personally think is important). I think any person, especially teenager, would be VERY angry at finding his/her privacy was invaded-it damages any trust you have with your parents. All in all I think they just care about you and want the best. I wouldn't bring it up again for awhile, give every one some time to reflect. And remember, generation gap! Meaning teenagers and parents grew up around different values, etc. Hope my long reply helped ^^"

[LuckyLuke]

I don't feel your parents handled the situation correctly. You're a teenage male, if you never look at porn, that's very unusual.

That being said, as long as you live with your parents without contributing money to the home for rent, I feel that you really don't have privacy. They're your parents things, but they're letting you use them.

You handled the situation well though.

[coolmanin]

I'm 17 and went out yesterday but accidentally forgot my cellphone at home

When I got back home my dad was all serious face and told me to sit down. He said my mother and him went on my phone and found hardcore porn (mostly oral sex scenes). He also informed me that afterwards they also checked my texts (scolded me for bad language) and basically everything else. I responded by saying how I know it's wrong and I can understand that they are disappointed and everything, but I do feel that my privacy was horribly invaded.

Dad then said I don't deserve the privacy anyway, and told me to give up my password for my PC, which I then did. He got quite angry in the discussion but I tried to be as gentle about it as possible. He mentioned there is a difference between erotica and hardcore porn while the former may be excusable, but none are permitted and the latter is completely a disgrace.

My mother got home later and I went to her to apologize and she cried, said she forgives me and "didn't expect it from you". Felt a little rushed because 5 mins later I was back in my room and I'm thinking she just said it all to get me away from her.

I obviously feel completely embarrassed, humiliated, sad, angry and just completely put down. Did I handle the situation correctly? Did my parents? What should I do from here on? Am I right in being mad about the invasion of privacy? Is such a situation common?

Dude dont worry...i have been in such a situation..... I know its humiliating....My dad and i didnt talk for nearly a month....he then said "son,its alright....I know its common ,but avoid it as it could foil ur life...Im not saying its wrong to watch it...But watching it after 20 will never harm u as it does now, I trust u a lot and will trust u... Sex for education is fine but not porn for another 4 years..." . So chill out,and go to ur dad and mum and ask sorry and tell them u will never commit it again and tell them that they can check u whenever they want to. This will slowly convince them..and also try to behave for it... If u get the temptation go and masturbate....MAsturbation releases all sexual tension and also keep doors unlocked ... Hope this helps

[APWBD]

dont feel bad it is normal and i bet ur parents did it too. maybe not porn like we have but certainly ur dad

[AHSboy]

1) ALWAYS bring your cell phone and delete ALL text messages from your phone directly after finishing a convo unless important.
2) on your PC, get safari on apple.com and ALWAYS set it to private browsing before going to ANY porn site or google ANYTHING sexual
That should take care of any sexual content problems
And as for the situation, yes, you handled that rather well. Your parents (in my opinion) over reacted especially your dad. I'm sure he was quite similar in his youth. And yes, your privacy WAS invaded. But they're your parents. But you do have a right to be mad. If your parents keep bringing it up, I find some good rebellion helps if you have the right parents, if not, silent treatment or the exact opposite (a long, calm conversation) should settle it. And hey, at least they know what to expect if you ever get caught again...

[Tenoramic]

They are over react

[Dack]

That was a slight overreaction, but typical of them to say that you don't deserve privacy. My dad found mine on my PSP because it was my background at the time, all he said was that it's all good and fine buy that I shouldn't have out in the open like that (since you can't like screen lock a PSP).

All in all, you took it in stride, but damn, you got some oblivious parents.

[JamHaychUK]

That sounds like a massive overreaction :eek:

Why were they checking your phone anyway? That's invading your privacy. What were they expecting to find? :P You're a teenager, it's normal. And I think you handled it pretty well :) Just don't think they did (although it sounds like they started it - going through a teen's private stuff is basically asking for it :P)

[DanielJoe]

I think if you avoid porn altogether you wouldn't have had to deal with that in the first place. There are other ways to release your feelings than porn and masturbation. If you sit on the computer all day and do nothing, you're more likely inclined to think about that stuff. I say forget about it and distract your hormones by doing recreational stuff. I know i sound like a dweeb, but in reality porn and masturbation are totally unnecessary

[SosbanFach]

Porn - yes, unnecessary, masturbation - not necessary but still a good thing. No masturbation can mean more wet dreams, and more fantasies. It's also very difficult to stop masturbating! I've tried several times, without success!

[ShatteredWings]

p101 general :arrow: family & friends

Though my parents would probably freak out if they found the (relatively PG13) stash of pictures on my harddrive, I personally feel that parents shouldn't even respond to their kids porn collection unless it's shota/loli (little kid, adult) or otherwise underage shit because of the blatant illegality of it.

[Magenta]

I think this was an invasion of your privacy but hey, what can you do? They are your parents...

Personally, I see nothing wrong with porn unless it's illegal or severely inappropriate (child porn, etc).

Some parents are really against porn and you can't really do too much about it. I can imagine that it's a bit embarrassing and it must feel terrible to know they're disappointed but that will all blow over. Next time, I guess just really hide it or don't save it. This tends to be a pretty common situation.

Also, welcome to VT!

[Danielle]

Your parents were a little too strict about this. You're a fucking 17 year old boy, they need to leave you alone. You have needs. I think you handled it correctly but your parents are way too strict on you. But, hey, at least they didn't find a used condom (like my mom did today in my purse)!

[deadpie]

Is it just me or are parents REALLY FUCKING STUPID? Like, it's pretty fucking obvious your son is jerking off in another room while you're watching your bedroom design shows. It shouldn't come off as a surprise when you see your kid has a folder of girls getting their jaws broken by a gigantic cock.

What? Do they think that teenagers are like, "I'm just going to be some purity fuck that pretends he doesn't have a dick until when I'm married and need to use it I won't know what the fuck to do"?

I don't get parents at all. They have a dumb logic that their kids are either (1) completely innocent (2) Up to no good AKA smoking crack and raping nuns for fun.

Seriously. I know most Dads probably had stacks of nasty magazines they don't want to talk about. There's this huge hypocrisy with parents and parenting on this stuff.

Parents should just let it slide. It's not a big deal. You'd rather your kid fapping than getting girls pregnant, right? Don't see a big deal with it. Porn isn't going to make you the next Jeffrey Dahmer and so on. It's not going to turn you into this horny baboon that starts fucking every object, including fire hydrants, that are in the way.

[DJZS]

I think your parents handled it wrong, they shouldnt have been mad, but you guys should have talked.

[Extreme586]

Tbh I think you handled it nicely, I feel like they shouldn't have been going through your phone though but they are your parents and are just trying to look out for you, be thankful they care :)

[Death]

Is it just me or are parents REALLY FUCKING STUPID? Like, it's pretty fucking obvious your son is jerking off in another room while you're watching your bedroom design shows. It shouldn't come off as a surprise when you see your kid has a folder of girls getting their jaws broken by a gigantic cock.

What? Do they think that teenagers are like, "I'm just going to be some purity fuck that pretends he doesn't have a dick until when I'm married and need to use it I won't know what the fuck to do"?

I don't get parents at all. They have a dumb logic that their kids are either (1) completely innocent (2) Up to no good AKA smoking crack and raping nuns for fun.

Seriously. I know most Dads probably had stacks of nasty magazines they don't want to talk about. There's this huge hypocrisy with parents and parenting on this stuff.

Parents should just let it slide. It's not a big deal. You'd rather your kid fapping than getting girls pregnant, right? Don't see a big deal with it. Porn isn't going to make you the next Jeffrey Dahmer and so on. It's not going to turn you into this horny baboon that starts fucking every object, including fire hydrants, that are in the way.

And yet another post I can't help but agree completely with.

@OP - Your parents really should no have been suprised. I bet nearly everyone will have either looked at or downloaded pornography at some stage. Also, given that it was on your own device and not a family computer, what you had is private anyway, so it's not like you're flaunting it. Had the pornography been something immoral like child-porn or beastiality (i.e. things being fucked who cannot rightly concent) then I can see a problem. However, what your parents saw is really nothing particually worrying.

Still, I hope that your dad's anger was simpyl a cover-up for his embarrasment, although he could have pretended he never saw it, so that seems unlikely. And you definitely are entitled to at least some privacy.

[mrbigred]

My dad just told me... better not let ur mom find tht shit

[Clawhammer]

I'm guessing that they pay for your phone and your computer. If this is the case, it's theirs. It was rather invasive of them, but if they're paying for it, ain't much to say. However, if you're the one who bought and pays for the phone and all that, then I agree with folks, invasive.

[Donkey]

Please don't bump old threads. :locked: