Can't stop thinking about the past

[MadManWithaBox]

You know, I've been... raped. More than 30 times, if I'm counting right. I've been beaten more times than I count. Literally. I've been knifed 3 times. I've... injured myself badly, physically and mentally, a million times. I've been on the streets. lived rough. Been abducted. Been sold by my father as a sex toy. And its not all that. Well it is. Its that so later on, I'm still not over it. its stupid really.

[Sith Lord 13]

:hug: You'll work through it Matt. It's gonna take time, but you'll work through it.

[Iris]

its NOT stupid. i read some of your other posts and its crazy that you went thru that. I'm so so unbelievably sorry. The fact that you are simply alive right now is a bigger accomplishment than anything i've ever done in my entire life. If you had gotten over it all by now I'd honestly be more worried about you than if you hadn't, cuz no person can be ok after being raped and knifed and all those other things for a really long time. You'll probably even have problems for a long while too and every second you're suffering, even if its in 30 years, know that IT IS NOT STUPID. dont ever think that you dont have the right to feel bad or talk about the shit you went thru, because you've already been the strongest person just to be here.

[MadManWithaBox]

Doesn't feel like it. The past is the past yes, but I don't know if I'l ever get through it. knowing it happened is, if anything, more painful than my past 3 years of burying it.

[Azunite]

Past it past. There is nothing you can do about it. It's easy to say it, I know. But you need to get through it somehow. You can never see future if you are stuck in the past. You will keep thinking about the past and this means you will "repeat" the past and never get well again.

[Love.Hate]

You need to look ahead, not behind you. That part of your life is over. Open a new chapter, enjoy this now. You cant spend all the time dwelling cause it's going to destroy you. This is always going to be a part of you, you cant change that. But it's how you let it affect you that matters, how you deal with it. :hug:

[MadManWithaBox]

It's easy to say. Much harder to put in practice. You can't trust(many) people. You don't like social occasions. You hate men. You hate your family. You find your list of people that actually loves you is very small. You don't stop thinking about the memories. You dream about them. You look at your back when you get out the shower, at the words sone sick fuck carved there with a knife.

So it's not that easy to get over it. I am trying though.

[Love.Hate]

Don't try to get over it then. Just try to deal with it the best you can. Those words mean nothing, I promise you. We all have marks that make us who we are, all have little quirks. It's okay, you are who you are. Don't force yourself to move on, cause it's always a part of you. You just need to learn to ignore those marks, and not be worried by what others think. I know it's hard, it will take ages. I know it's been years, but you still have a lifetime to forget.. Push it aside.

[MadManWithaBox]

But I should move on. Shouldn't I?

[Love.Hate]

You don't have too, you just need to learn how to deal with these memories. Without letting them hurt you.

[MadManWithaBox]

It's a good idea, I meanyour right. Wish it was as easy as that.

[Love.Hate]

Its never going to be easy, but i know you can do it! :)

[MadManWithaBox]

I guess :/

[Love.Hate]

:hug:

[MadManWithaBox]

I'm going to try at least.

[Iris]

stay strong. we're all rooting for u :)

[MadManWithaBox]

Thanks :)

[Sith Lord 13]

Matt, I know I'm repeating myself, but as time goes on things will get better. You'll find ways to cope, I promise.

[Magus]

You are a strong guy, and you will remain to be a strong guy. Never any of that let you down. You are tougher than that. You are not weak. You have endured pain, and you will conquer the past.

[User Deleted]

I'm soooo sorry :hug: I know everyone has been saying this but the past is the past and you can work through it! Newcomer to the oldest of members we are all hoping that it works out for you :D

[MadManWithaBox]

I guess I'm strong. I call it more stubbornness, to not let them win.

[Pancakes]

Don't let it get too you maybe your dad is an asshole who cares about him, just stay strong and if it makes you feel better :hug:

[Sith Lord 13]

I guess I'm strong. I call it more stubbornness, to not let them win.

Stubbornness is a form of strength.

[MadManWithaBox]

Not a good one.

[User Deleted]

Better than no strength

[chiller]

I would write down all memories so they go away. I had therapy about issues and my therapist told me to write it down and it helped a lot. Not within one day but it was like now that it is written down I can forget it.

[MadManWithaBox]

I do. Doesn't help really.

[chiller]

It does not happen directly, for me it was like 2 months after writing it all down that it got better and now is 6 months later and I can think about what they did to me and not freak out and have flashbacks in my head anymore so maybe you have let some time pass and see if it gets better.

[ashley1]

Its okk its a long process to recover............

[MadManWithaBox]

It's easy to talk about. Not as easy to do.

[Chris25]

Dude im really sry that happened to u... Ive read some of ur posts and ik my problems dont even relate to how u feel but if u need some1 to talk to i will be here! I will try to understand how u feel even though that will be nearly impossible.. Im here for ya!! Message me if u want.. Even though u probably wont!! Keep ur head high bro!!

[DJZS]

Let me ask you something, have you ever actually talked to someone (in person or on the phone) about everything that has happened?

[Allbutanillusion]

I read your post and I truly do commend you for staying strong.... I don't what really to say. I am definitely rooting for you and I would like to share a few of my favorite quotes and hope that they will encourage you.....

“We are all here for some special reason. Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your future.” – Robin Sharma

“Holding on to anything is like holding on to your breath. You will suffocate. The only way to get anything in the physical universe is by letting go of it. Let go

“Never let your memories be greater than your dreams.” – Doug Ivester

To a brave man, good and bad luck are like his left and right hand. He uses both.”
- St Catherine of Siena

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
- Winston Churchill

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”
- Dale Carnegie

Don’t wish it were easier, wish you were better. Don’t wish for fewer problems, wish for more skills. Don’t wish for less challenges, wish for more wisdom.”
- Earl Shoaf

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.”
- Waldo Emerson

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.”
- B. Olatunji

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we took so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened up for us”
- Helen Keller