Holy Shit, Mom knows I'm gay

[Alexithymia]

Yeahh... She discovered it in a text that I never sent. It was in my "draft" folder. Holy shit. It also said that I want to kill myself and that I'm depressed and that I cut. Thank GOD I managed to convince her otherwise. I'm freaking out. I can't sleep. She wants me to. Ahh! Please, help. Just calm me down. Something. I can't cut anymore, I threw out the blade, but I still need to sleep. Ugh.

[Ambrosia]

Take some deep breaths, breath. Tell yourself to breath.

Maybe this is for the better? Perhaps her knowing will be a big load off your chest. Think of the GOOD this could do, not the bad. The bright side is always the right side.

[Love.Hate]

Right, Breathe.

Try to see this as a good thing, you dont have to hide who you are anymore. You can be you. There is nothing wrong with being Gay, so dont worry. She will accept it. As for Self harm and killing yourself, maybe she will be able to get you the help you need? It will be easier to ask for help?

[Alexithymia]

Thanks. I'm sort of calming down. Now I'm just fearing the awkward stage. I feel like... Like I don't know what to feel. I should be ecstatic but still afraid, yet I'm crippled with fear, yet extremely hyper. I just want to laugh and laugh. I don't feel depressed. I feel ecstatic, but not in the way I -should-. I feel... I feel like I'm in an extreme high, and it's going to come crashing down in a few days.

[Joe410ish]

Look at the bright side of life... breathe... look at the positive things you have... Life is amazing and filled with absolute pleasure :) Embrace the happy things my friend

[Alexithymia]

I guess. I mean, she now accuses me of being depress (with good reason) almost any time she can think of it. I wrote a flash fiction that was in the forum of a suicide note, and she said "Mark! You aren't thinking of committing suicide, are you?" Nope. I'm not, you dumb bitch.

I mean, she just makes me feel so damn guilty for what I am. "Mark, I hate how you stay up so late. It makes me feel like a bad mom! I hate you aren't social! I know that you're an introvert, and I know that you hate being social, but I still hate it about you!" FUCK OFF. I mean, seriously? Do you think that I'm going to do what you want just because you hate it about me? No, all it's going to do it push me a bit over the edge, and I'm right fucking on it. *end rant*

I suppose I just don't know what to do with myself now that I'm a piece of depressed shit.

[Thanatos]

Honestly it might just be better for you and her to sit down 1 on 1. Tell her beforehand to let you talk and finish talking before she butts in or that you wont talk about it at all. Explain to her your feelings, sexuality, etc. How you are depressed, but you are working to get through it, and that her bringing it up/trying to fix it hurts more then it helps. She's going to hate that part, but hopefully will understand and let you work things out. Sometimes its just better for all the cards to be in play, this way theres nothing left to hide, no stress about keeping things secret, etc.

Hakuna Matata

[Alexithymia]

Son of bitch. Maybe I posted on another thread? I don't know. God dammit. >.< She knows. Everything. I cut. I'm depressed. I'm freaking out. She takes away my computer at night, which basically cuts me off from all of my distractions and calming methods. My phone? Gone. Bye bye friends who kept alive over the years. How do I tell her that when I'm alone in the darkness of night, I -need- these things? To keep me alive. Yeah, I might be addicted. But I'd also be fine if I had an iPod and my phone. I'd have the music and the friends. And for the nights that I can't sleep, they're there. God. What do I do? I'm freaking out all over again, except this time ten-fold.

[Love.Hate]

Okay Mark, keep calm.

Tell her everything you have just said. Tell her your not going to get better if you dont distract yourself so you need the internet. Your stressing out too much over this, talk to her calmly and explain yourself. Talk about self harm being a coping method, tell her that when your alone at night you dont feel secure. You need someone there. Most important thing is you keep calm about it, maybe she can get you the help you need?