Relapse

[snowbab]

So I am currently relapsing from anorexia. It only started 2 weeks ago but in 5 days I lost 7 pounds. I'm happy about this though.

I'm still way into the healthy weight range but hopefully not for long. i want to get back down to 89 pounds or under. Even then i felt fat. I was 5"7, now 5"8.
The problem is avoiding hospital coz of mum and outpatient team. i hate them so much for caring. I hate this illness and yet i love it. I'm messed up

Haven't eaten anything today so far. Don't plan to eat anything for the rest of the day even though mum is coooking chicken right now. She will cry again and my step dad will shout. I hate myself for making them suffer but I want to be anorexic more then anything. I sound so selfish but i promise you it's just my voice in my head that tells me to do all this. And i am fed up of fighting it!

Sorry but i had to rant somewhere

[Travis Is Losing It]

Snowbab, Your folks are upset about it because its harming your own body. anorexia can (probably will) cause serious health problems down the road. It's extremely unhealthy and you may see results but your going to get weaker and weaker and once you start eating again after a long period your going to gain more and more weight. Having outpatient myself from when i was checked into the city's psychward I know they are trying to help you. You need to eat. If you want to lose weight exorcise more and eat healthier. Even ask your mom since shes cooking if she would make healthier foods. Everyone wants to look good but starving yourself isnt the answer to it

[Fiction]

As Travis said, your parents are only reacting how they are because they care.

If you stop fighting now you'll never have a chance to get better. The things that make you love it, are the control you have over your weight. Now is that control really worth all this suffering and fighting for?

I know it isn't nearly that simple, but I know anyone with an eating disorder would do anything to be free of it. You will never be free of it if you give up now. Having an eating disorder is a constant fight whether you're trying to get better or not, it's a constant fight between what your mind and your body want. Giving up on getting better, is just giving into that fight, and that fight doesn't end. The fight of getting better does, if you just give it chance.

Feel free to PM or email me if you ever need help. :hug:

[ashley1]

ur parents love u they dont want to see u suffer they are trying to help u its hard but u have to fight...