Am I gay/bi? If so how do i come out?

[Spencer2013]

So i've recently accepted that i am attracted to males, not flamboyant gays but masculine men, sexually. However in general i find i like girls personalities better and i really want to grow up/old with someone and have kids and everything. I know you can be a gay couple and have kids but they're not YOUR kids per say. Well, as you can see, i am quite confused.

And if I were GAY i think eventually id be ok coming out. Im confident in my self and all, but its scary in that its like the point of no return, and im afraid it would spread though my school and all. I know you are all going to say this is not true and that your friends will accept you and all- which im sure they will- but its still scary.

so id like your input and all that jazz.

[aleexax3]

just come out with it tell your friends and if they dont accept you those arent your real friends and tell family thats the right thing (:

[MustangRacer35]

You don't have to come out if you aren't ready. If you want to tell someone start by telling a trusted friend or friends. Someone who will be understanding and accepting.

[snyderart58]

You don't have to come out if you aren't ready.

[mrbob360]

well why do u have to be just gay you could be bi sexual then you have the choice to go out with a girl or a boy,

if you choose to live with a boy then you could find a girl that is willing to be a suggarot mum and she will use yours or your partners sperm and her eggs to make a baby which biologically is yours it has ur genes from your sperm :)

[Lights]

i am attracted to males, not flamboyant gays but masculine men, sexually

I'm the same way, to be honest, so I know how you feel entirely (I've accepted myself as gay and I'm out to most people in my life now, just in case you're wondering). Okay, so we've established you're interested in guys, however it's not been made clear if you're sexually attracted to girls or not, because you've only said you like their personalities more. Do you feel sexually attracted to girls? Do you feel like you could ever have a strong relationship with one?

Kids were my number 1 concern for a while when I was trying to accept myself. It can be a really upsetting topic, but if you look at it in the right way, things are actually a whole lot more optimistic than you think. As benbob above said, there's surrogacy, which unless you've got a willing friend, can be expensive because you have to find someone else whose expenses you'll have to pay for during their pregnancy. Although, a way I've seen it done before: A guy got his sister to be the surrogate mother, and used his partner's sperm to fertilise the egg, therefore there was no kind of incest going on.

And of course, adoption's always going to be an option. As you did say, they're not going to be biologically yours, but I don't think it will matter. A child is a child, and every one will bring you joy. If anything, you're doing a great job adopting because you're giving another child a second chance at having family life which they lost out on previously for whatever reason. If you're really lucky, you can even adopt a baby, which might as well be biologically yours seeing as you'll be raising it from its earliest days. You have options with children, I swear! I worried about it for a long time too.

On the topic of coming out to you, all I really have to say is: don't come out unless you feel like you want to. If you don't want to tell people you're gay or bisexual, then it most likely means you're uncomfortable, and premature for exposing yourself. If you do conclude some time in the future that you're gay or bi, one day you'll just have a feeling where you want to let yourself out. So like I said, don't worry about coming out until you're at a stage in your life where you feel not only sure of your sexuality, but comfortable enough to let others know too. And hey, if you do conclude you're gay or bi, it's more than likely you're going to have some kind of support network of friends and family. And of course, VT is always here when the going gets tough. :P

I'll keep checking up on this thread to see if you need any more help, so feel free to leave any more questions or anything.

[Spencer2013]

dude thanks a lot that really helped.

as to the question about girls id have to mull over. because in someways they are beautiful and a hot girl does make me turn my head but im not sure if i could have a romantic relationship. I've had one or two girlfriends but there was no spark. I think maybe if i found the right person male or female id be able to.

i'll be going on a trip for 3.5 weeks s i wont post much but maybe ill revive the thread when i return.

[Shenron]

So I know you are out of town, but I wanted to put my two cents worth in.

Used to, I'd say just tell your friends and if they don't understand and accept you then they aren't true friends. Now, I have grown up and matured and experienced the loss of a few good friends because of things I thought they'd understand and told them. I am not trying to discourage you but I do feel you have the right to hear and you need to hear what I am about to say.

Often times in life, our friends are all we have. To me, friends are just as important as family, even moreso at times. We tell ourselves that they will undersatand or else they aren't true friends but the truth is, people are human, they have ideals and expectations. So say you tell a friend, who doesn't accept it, and they tell other people, who also don't accept it. Now you have lost those who you called friends, maybe not totally, but you have grown apart. This all sounds very negative and it is the worst case scenario, howevr I have been through a similiar instance.

Looking back, the best thing to have done (and your best option) would be to tell your most trusted friend, someone who you know will accept it, someone who has confided in you in the past.

Now, I realize you were not asking solely for advice on coming out. As to your sexuality, we can not determine that for you, but based on what you have told us, I would say you are Bi-sexual leaning more toward men. I say this because it seems you have both emotional and sexual attraction to males and mostly only emotional attraction to females. I believe that tis girlfriend is more of a really good friend than a girlfriend because after all, you need to be sexually attracted to her as well as emotionally attracted.

This is just my two (okay ten) cents worth. PM me if you have questions, comments, or concerns and again, I apologize for the negativity but welcome to the real world. :)

[JOSHRKJ2399]

i enjoy looking at guys penises but i love making out with girls and going out with them am i bi or something

[terbear]

You don't have to come out if you don't want to; only when you're ready. I would wait to get out of high school if you don't want to put up with all the immature crap. Good luck and all the best!

[Maxxie]

Like what other people have said here, don't come out unless YOU want to. The closet is quite an enjoyable place to live when the realization of being bi or even gay hits you.

[ExhibitG]

So i've recently accepted that i am attracted to males, not flamboyant gays but masculine men, sexually. However in general i find i like girls personalities better and i really want to grow up/old with someone and have kids and everything. I know you can be a gay couple and have kids but they're not YOUR kids per say. Well, as you can see, i am quite confused.

I can't possibly overstate how much this paragraph relates to me. You certainly aren't alone.

[Unsolvedmind]

I had the same exact problem but I didnt come out I might come out before I go to college which is 4 years from now =3 so yeah its your decision if you wanna come out :)