I thought I was past this.

[Kaius]

Its getting worse again. Lately I've felt almost detached from my every day life. I have no motivation to do anything but stay inside away from people. I feel like im unwillingly separating myself away from people, including my girlfriend. Whenever I talk to her its like im zoned out. I don't realize shes talking until shes said something, or when we're on msn its like.. 10 minutes passes and then I realize im being spoken to. Its not just like that with her, its everyone. Friends and family as well. I feel numb and almost emotionless to everything. I'm supposed to be meeting Kathy for the first time next week, i should be excited and buzzed by it.. instead i can't feel a thing. My grandmother might die within the next few days.. Again.. theres nothing. Its really beginning to scare me. Last night I had to be talked out of overdosing again by my girlfriend, and I had to be persuaded by a close friend this morning to get the medication tempting me put away by my mother. My moods are becoming erratic, one 5 minutes im okay, the next I'd rather be dead than have to spend one more day feeling like the complete scum of the earth. I feel so far away from everyone, its like no one can help me now. When im talking about it to people I don't even know what to tell them because in reality I don't even know whats wrong with me or why im like this. Its like I don't even know who I am anymore.

[MadManWithaBox]

This might sound stupid, but are you talking to anyone professional?

[Kaius]

I have a psychiatric counselor yeah, ive been forced to go to sessions since my overdose in January.

[MadManWithaBox]

Have you told them about how you're feeling?

[Kaius]

I wouldn't know where to begin if i tried. Its been like this for months just on a smaller scale. The numbness has only come recently, within the last few days. I don't get to see him until the week after next because i'll be away in Derby.

[MadManWithaBox]

Well then, if you feel any worse, you should call someone professional. Sure you don't want to. Nobody ever does. But its better than doing something stupid cos you weren't thinking straight.

[FullyAlive]

There's not a lot that I know to say, but you said before that you liked to run, maybe you could start setting aside time each day for a run. Or anything else that makes you feel a little better even if it's just for a few minutes.

And this could just be me being niave about your counseling, but could you see him as an emergency type thing before Monday?
Don't get any of that stuff back off your mum yet okay?
:hug:

[Love.Hate]

You have just summed up how im feeling too at the moment.. Zoned out. Thats a very good way to put it... I dont know why either. Im glad Kathy talked you out of it, because you know its not the answer just as much as i do. I know i should be telling you to tell your Counsellor about this.. but its hard to explain something you dont understand yourself.. Half the time i dont know how im feeling and even if i do it can change withing seconds. How about writing it down.. i find it so much easier, even if its a case of writing "i havent got a clue how im feeling, i know how i should be feeling but im just not feeling it"? That might help believe it or not.

Make sure your mum keeps the stuff away from you, because in this mentality its possible to be a bit erratic at times, even if you dont want to be.

[Kaius]

I've been doing that, I've kept a journal every day since January 2nd. It helps to an extent but i guess theres still a loss of knowing what to write and stuff. I've made sure the stuff has been kept away, my mum and I have a mutual understanding now, she knows when i ask her to keep stuff away from me not to question it and usually does it reasonably well. Thank you for the replies.

[Love.Hate]

I've been doing that, I've kept a journal every day since January 2nd. It helps to an extent but i guess theres still a loss of knowing what to write and stuff. I've made sure the stuff has been kept away, my mum and I have a mutual understanding now, she knows when i ask her to keep stuff away from me not to question it and usually does it reasonably well. Thank you for the replies.

Im glad!

and i know, you can never seem to get it all out on paper half the time. I think personally you will be okay as long as the stuff is kept away and you make sure you bring this up with your counsellor. So they can advise you on what to do about it. :)