I'm Paranoid Like Crazy!!!

[Ambrosia]

I am recently dating an amazing guy. We have so much in common, and yet are two very different people. When were together things are great, we get along perfectly and he is so affectionate. He's like a hopeless romantic and just so sweet. I know he would never do anything to purposely hurt me. But my self-esteem has taken a hard plument, as it usually does once my relationships start to get serious. I find myself apologizing to him for almost every single thing I say, especially if were apart and talking on Instant Messenger. I feel as if every little thing might make him leave me, or make him mad at me. I become paranoid that maybe he doesn't care for me, and I say things that are completely stupid and immediately apologize for even talking. I'm horribly afraid that my own stupidity will bring him to break up with me for the lack of being able to deal with my insecurities. I feel as if my mind purposely is trying to sabotage this relationship, seeing how it's the first serious one that I actually think has potential for a good future.

What do I do? How can I stop my mind from being so vicious? I fall into tiny depressions over my own actions, and I just can't seem to help myself...

[Sage]

You feel this way because your self-esteem and sense of self-worth are completely dependent on your being in a relationship with this one other individual, and you realize that with out this dependency being fulfilled you'll be miserable. You realize that the closer you get, the worst a potential break-up scenario would be, and the thought of being alone troubles you greatly because you aren't sure to be happy by yourself.

Do something that you can take pride in that doesn't involve the relationship. Read a book, pick up a hobby, fix a problem.

[Ambrosia]

But, I can be happy by myself. And I know this. I have a hobby, I have had a wonderful job for the past year and a half that has raised my self-confidence to an all time high---When I'm there. But the problem is, I'm scared of what will happen if he breaks up with me. Of myself, I guess. I know how I get when something bad happens. And I don't want that. It's enough to detour myself from anything bad. But the problem is, I can't go to work at all hours of the night and day, and I already work as much as can be physically possible. I want to make myself stop being so paranoid that he is going to start hating me. And I want to stop feeling like every move I make is wrong to him...

[Sage]

How would your life be different if this relationship were to end?

[Ambrosia]

State of mind wise.

[Sage]

State of mind wise.

Elaborate.

[Ambrosia]

I don't like explaining that type of thing. I'm depressed easily, and a lot, and with him I don't hurt myself. That's pretty much how it goes. I would never put all my happiness on one person.

[Sage]

I'm depressed easily, and a lot, and with him I don't hurt myself.

Then maybe you should reflect on why you're depressed easily and how you could cope with not being in a relationship. I'm not telling you to break it off, don't get me wrong, but understanding that the relationship potentially ending isn't the end of the world will reduce your fears about it. It goes back to my original point: You depend on this person for something vital to your well-being, and the idea of your dependency going unfulfilled deeply troubles you because you believe you'd not be able to handle it.

[Ambrosia]

I suppose I probably do. I'm not with him simply because I 'depend on him", though. And the problem is, I do try and remind myself I'll live without him, because I know damned well I will. It gets me by for a few minutes, but it usually fades away. I'm not sure if my paranoya about him is the first thought when I get depressed, or the second.

[Sage]

I suppose I probably do. I'm not with him simply because I 'depend on him", though. And the problem is, I do try and remind myself I'll live without him, because I know damned well I will. It gets me by for a few minutes, but it usually fades away. I'm not sure if my paranoya about him is the first thought when I get depressed, or the second.

Well, for all my knowledge of psychology, I'm no mind reader. It's just something you'll need to reflect on more deeply, and you might have to accept some unpleasant conclusions. Thinking about your problems is only helpful if you're honest with yourself and don't dismiss possible solutions just because they aren't convenient or simple.

[Donkey]

I think it's a problem with the relationship, rather than you. If you get closer to him, and tell HIM all this, you won't have the problem anymore since you'll be more confident in the relationship knowing you both have a better understanding. In psychological terms, it's called mutual and individual knowledge - I suggest you watch this to get where I'm coming from: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-son3EJTrU

[LuckyLuke]

Honestly, Sage has a point here. I totally agree with everything she's said thus far. You should listen to her.