Stefanie...

[Magenta]

Why were you murdered? Why were you stabbed six fucking times and left to bleed out in the snow that New Years Eve? Why did I outlive you?

Stefanie was 14. I was 13. I barely knew her. We both sang in the alto section of my school's choir the year before she went off to high school. She always wore this cute red bow in her hair. She was so nice to everyone. I was so shy and scared of the older kids. But I remember how she smiled at everyone. She had so many friends who loved her. Why did we have to mourn her?

Her brother, Ian, would do anything to get his big sister back. She was so pretty and sang well. David, the boy who killed her, did it so his girlfriend would give him a blow job. Melissa, the girlfriend, was jealous of Stefanie and the whole thing started as a joke and ended in planned murder. Stefanie spent her last moments identifying her attacker. I read the 911 transcript. I was sobbing.

I would trade places with you, Stefanie. You deserved to live. I'm turning 16 tomorrow. You had that chance taken away from you. You accepted everyone, I bullied and manipulated to make myself feel better about myself. Because I was bullied- told I was weird and ugly. I lose all my friends slowly- yours want you back. Your friends actually lost someone. I don't want to see another birthday. But I will because I'm a coward. I don't deserve to live but I'm scared. I'm scared of not know what happens after. I wish you could tell me except I don't because you shouldn't be dead.

I miss you, Stefanie, and I barely knew you. It should never have been you. I'm so sorry. It's been three years. I'm so sorry.

[1_21Guns]

:hug3:

Sometimes things happen which we will have no control over, they'll seem so unfair and like it should've been you. But Stefanie, that bright bubly gril who smiled at everyone wouldn't want you to lose your smile, she'd want you to hold you head up high, follow in her footsteps. The worst thing about death, is that it's final, but we can learn something from it. Everybody exists, however not everyone lives.
She wouldn't want you dead Jo, nobody does, not even those bullies who can't see past their own insecurities. You're stronger than that, even though you might feel weak at times

[Magenta]

Thanks, Nat. I think I'm starting to remember that. It just always comes around my birthday. My dad told me that I survived the year but sometimes it doesn't feel like it.

[1_21Guns]

Feeling like the living dead is quite possibly the worst feeling in the world, but it does pass, stay strong :hug3: