Syvelocin
June 10th, 2011, 06:39 PM
(I tried to cut this post down as much as I could, but it's still a bit long. Please, please, don't have me scare you off by the wall of text. At the least, I could use a bit of sympathy :))
When I was living in Suffolk, I had some great friends. Over time, there became only five of us in this tight-knit group. But the office where my stepdad worked was closing down, and so there was no job for him there. My mum having left work a couple years prior. So we had to move to another area where there was an office in the company, and so my stepdad announced that we were moving to London.
It's been, what, seven years now? And it doesn't get any easier. As time goes on, it hurts so much more. For years, I was living on the idea of moving back and having those four girls around me again, in my life. Everyone I met at my new school turned out to not be there for me in the end. So then I was ravaged with the thought that they were all I had. It was amazing, how a friendship from primary school could be so true. It wasn't shallow at all. It was deep friendship. Despite even the increased distance between us now that I'm here, they are the ones who have stayed in contact with me.
So here is where it takes a turn for the worse, and why I'm posting this. I've, honestly, still been living on the idea of moving back the first chance I get. More than just moving closer to my mum, but being back with them. Just like old times, right? Then the idea struck me. I'm fooling myself. I can't expect it to be the same. I asked them, what their plans were by e-mail the other day. Nat and Kay said that they were planning on staying most likely. Julianne hasn't answered. But I just got Sahalie's reply. I was a mess. A complete mess. I just broke down crying half-way through the e-mail. I'm having little bursts of sobbing throughout writing this as well. But she said, and I quote, "Nobody can keep me here. I can't say for sure, but in all likelyhood I will be leaving. I want out. Unfortunately, things do change, and people especially. I love all of you and as fun as it would be to all be together again, I'm not willing to stay and try to re-create the past (I know that's not what you're asking don't worry). I need to go out and explore crazy places to feel like I've done anything at all with my life. I'm looking forward to starting over a little bit."
She said she wanted to live in Italy. Go to school somewhere else. I respect that. I hope she gets to do everything she wants to in life. I don't expect anyone to do anything for me, in all due seriousness. It just, doesn't make the situation any better for me. It's enough to be separated from the people you love for such a long time, but to find out that you won't be able to continue where you left off? I've found myself jealous of every other friend they have, that they get to be there and hang out with them. Sahalie, she's important to me. She's my other half. We think alike, act alike. She has a level of intelligence and maturity that matches my own (sorry for the lack of modesty here) that I haven't found in many people my age. I adore that girl.
I'm just having a hard time. I also fear I might take this out on my stepdad when I see him this week, since, as much as I love him, to be a stereotypical teenager, he ruined my life.
When I was living in Suffolk, I had some great friends. Over time, there became only five of us in this tight-knit group. But the office where my stepdad worked was closing down, and so there was no job for him there. My mum having left work a couple years prior. So we had to move to another area where there was an office in the company, and so my stepdad announced that we were moving to London.
It's been, what, seven years now? And it doesn't get any easier. As time goes on, it hurts so much more. For years, I was living on the idea of moving back and having those four girls around me again, in my life. Everyone I met at my new school turned out to not be there for me in the end. So then I was ravaged with the thought that they were all I had. It was amazing, how a friendship from primary school could be so true. It wasn't shallow at all. It was deep friendship. Despite even the increased distance between us now that I'm here, they are the ones who have stayed in contact with me.
So here is where it takes a turn for the worse, and why I'm posting this. I've, honestly, still been living on the idea of moving back the first chance I get. More than just moving closer to my mum, but being back with them. Just like old times, right? Then the idea struck me. I'm fooling myself. I can't expect it to be the same. I asked them, what their plans were by e-mail the other day. Nat and Kay said that they were planning on staying most likely. Julianne hasn't answered. But I just got Sahalie's reply. I was a mess. A complete mess. I just broke down crying half-way through the e-mail. I'm having little bursts of sobbing throughout writing this as well. But she said, and I quote, "Nobody can keep me here. I can't say for sure, but in all likelyhood I will be leaving. I want out. Unfortunately, things do change, and people especially. I love all of you and as fun as it would be to all be together again, I'm not willing to stay and try to re-create the past (I know that's not what you're asking don't worry). I need to go out and explore crazy places to feel like I've done anything at all with my life. I'm looking forward to starting over a little bit."
She said she wanted to live in Italy. Go to school somewhere else. I respect that. I hope she gets to do everything she wants to in life. I don't expect anyone to do anything for me, in all due seriousness. It just, doesn't make the situation any better for me. It's enough to be separated from the people you love for such a long time, but to find out that you won't be able to continue where you left off? I've found myself jealous of every other friend they have, that they get to be there and hang out with them. Sahalie, she's important to me. She's my other half. We think alike, act alike. She has a level of intelligence and maturity that matches my own (sorry for the lack of modesty here) that I haven't found in many people my age. I adore that girl.
I'm just having a hard time. I also fear I might take this out on my stepdad when I see him this week, since, as much as I love him, to be a stereotypical teenager, he ruined my life.