This isn't an eating disorder.

[Magenta]

The more I think about it... the more I don't think this is an eating disorder. I'm usually obsessive. I have an addictive personality. My whole family on my dad's side does. It's natural for me to start thinking about stuff a lot.

I'm sure it's just my personality that makes me count all my calories, regulate them, etc. I don't starve too badly. I eat at least one small meal a day if it doesn't make me sick to my stomach half-way through and I've never eaten much even as a child.

I'm rambling. I guess I'm trying to convince myself I'm right and that I don't have to worry. That I'm not some other type of crazy as well as erratic and self-destructive. So I check the scale at least three times a day and can't stand gaining weight? I used to be 15lbs lighter. I want to be that or less. I was there already so why shouldn't I try to get back to it?

/rambling.

Wow, I sound like an idiot. I just don't want to have an eating disorder. Sure, I think about food all day and plan meals ahead of time and stuff but... I could stop, couldn't I? I just haven't because I don't want to gain weight again and I really want to be skinny.

I've lost at least 6lbs since last Wednesday or Thursday so I'm pleased.
I realize I sound insane. It's not my fault that my body wants to be fat. I'm just dealing with it so it doesn't totally make me look uglier than I am.

I'm doing a horrible job convincing myself but I will and it will be one less thing to worry about. Honestly though, as stupid as I sound, it's not that much of a problem. I don't care that I'm thinking about it a lot and making sure I stick to my own rules. I just want to lose weight.

/ramble over.
/makes no sense.

[Fiction]

My eating disorder is all to do with being obsessive as well. It's still an eating disorder whether it's weight issues or issues with obsession.

[Magenta]

I just keep thinking that forcing myself into denial will just make things easier and I can focus more on things that are more important.

[Travis Is Losing It]

forcing yourself into denial is just going to make it worse. Eating an extremely small ammount daily can be dangerous to your health. There are many other ways to losing weight then not eating and thats probably one of the least efficiant ways. some people are bigger then others some people are thinner its nothing they can help most of the time. Exorcising is a great way and you can actually eat food. I've gone into pretty much anorexia at this point because ive been sick and lost 40lbs from mono and im down at 98lbs and im 5'11... and now that im so thin i keep forcing myself not to eat cause i dont want to gain it back.. but i know i have to cause its harming my body. and im a smoker (outside now lol) and ive been having no energy cause ive not been eating. Your body needs a energy source or things are just going to get worse... when you starve yourself then eat you actually retain more of the fatty junk in the food (i dont know the technical names for it). All in all eat healthier foods and exorcise and you will see yourself lose weight untill you are happy with yourself