Alexithymia
June 6th, 2011, 09:03 PM
A bit of a rant, but it's more depressing me rather than putting me in a mental crisis, so I'm going to put it here.
Fucking people. I suppose that it's a bit hypocritical, but I don't really care right now. I just wish people would sacrifice and let me be happy, hell, even fooled, for a bit. I don't want to be ignorant forever, but if I haven't fucking talked to you for 6 months, you don't just say "Oh, yeah, I'm busy". Yeah. I understand you don't like me as a friend anymore. At least tell me that. Don't say "Oh, Mark, I missed you so much! I wish I could talk to you more!" It doesn't work that way.
You don't hurt people like that.
I just wish people would sacrifice for me a bit. No, I didn't want to hang out with you, but I did because I knew it would hurt your feelings and you wouldn't understand WHY I didn't want to hang out with you. No, I didn't want to talk to you, but I didn't tell you to shut the fuck up because you wouldn't understand WHY I was just crying for the past thirty minutes. But, hey, at least I -can- cry, right? I suppose that's better, in a way. Just being numb would feel so much better though. I just wish I could go away and never have to talk to anyone again.
Fucking people. I suppose that it's a bit hypocritical, but I don't really care right now. I just wish people would sacrifice and let me be happy, hell, even fooled, for a bit. I don't want to be ignorant forever, but if I haven't fucking talked to you for 6 months, you don't just say "Oh, yeah, I'm busy". Yeah. I understand you don't like me as a friend anymore. At least tell me that. Don't say "Oh, Mark, I missed you so much! I wish I could talk to you more!" It doesn't work that way.
You don't hurt people like that.
I just wish people would sacrifice for me a bit. No, I didn't want to hang out with you, but I did because I knew it would hurt your feelings and you wouldn't understand WHY I didn't want to hang out with you. No, I didn't want to talk to you, but I didn't tell you to shut the fuck up because you wouldn't understand WHY I was just crying for the past thirty minutes. But, hey, at least I -can- cry, right? I suppose that's better, in a way. Just being numb would feel so much better though. I just wish I could go away and never have to talk to anyone again.