in illustration.

[bbychop]

i have this sudden urge to just sit down and cut... like it would help my feelings, my frustrations, my thoughts just float off into a big pile of blood spilling and dripping. i do not believe i have cut since at least april and it was over something complicating.
in a way, i miss the feel of the razor just slightly crawling against my skin. i am back to believing it may be the only way out.
i know people do not want me to go, but i feel like a failure. like i am not good enough. i am just unsure about a lot.
i am not willing to go back through therapy... they never help.

[Bobby]

Ash, don't do it. Throw out the razors, or anything else you would use to cut. Just don't give in.

[bbychop]

i have tried but somehow i keep obtaining them. it is complicated.
i have thought about it a lot but i have not given in yet.

[Bobby]

Does your family know about you cutting?

[bbychop]

my parents sent me to therapy for it a couple years back

[Bobby]

Well, I would tell them that thoughts of cutting are coming back, and they might help you. Make sure you tell them you don't want to go to therapy.

[bbychop]

my mum flips out easily and she would force me to go back. my dad would just check me over and over and that makes me feel like a prisoner in a way.

[Bobby]

Hmm..Well all I can say is to try and do other things, besides self-harm. And as I said before, get rid of the razors.

[bbychop]

the while i have stopped from april until now i have began to overdose on my pills so either way i always want to try to find a way to harm myself.

[DouggyO.o]

im so sorry ash, please dont harm your self. you can make it through this, your a strong girl, overdosing on pills and cutting are only going to land you into the ER. please your strong, dont do it :hug:

[bbychop]

i no longer feel strong though. i feel so weak. i guess so much has been going on and it is stacking up. :hug: i have tried so hard not to do anything and it is not a nightly occurance, more like weekly or bi-weekly.

[DouggyO.o]

as long as you don't give in. the feelings will build up,you will want to cut, but i know you can do it, your a very strong girl and there is going to be a day when your happily married with the man of your dreams and you will look back and thank your self for not cutting. you can do it hun. believe in your self!
:hug:

[bbychop]

i know that that will happen one day but i am just so used to giving into an urge. not like all the time but every so often... i am just having a hard time believing in myself and a hard time trying not to give in... :hug: -sigh-

[DouggyO.o]

i dont know what more to tell you, this choice, is up to you and only you can decide to cut or not to cut. but i believe you can make the right choice.

[bbychop]

i can try to make the right choice

[Bobby]

We will support you 100%.

I know you can do it. :)

[bbychop]

thank you, guys.

[JJJ]

I You must be strong if you managed to go from april. Dont giv in it is hard but just try im wiv you 100%. :)

[bbychop]

i did give in about ... oh nine last night. i feel bad for it but then again, it felt good