this is so lame and depressing.

[hompblah]

I'm 17 and i've been straight my whole life. these last few months i've been having thoughts about men. i hate them. i don't like men/dont want to be with one/dont want to kiss one/dont want to have sex with one/not attracted to them nor do i find them attractive. it has had me depressed for a long time. i just want it to stop. i like girls a lot. its just that this crap makes me super depressed. what is this? whats going on? will it ever stop? it seems like it never will. i find no pleasure in thinking about men, none at all. it just brings me mental pain. i've seen pictures of men kissing/having sex and i thought it was gross (no offense to the gay/bi people). i don't want to ever kiss a guy or anything.

i have a girlfriend and i love being with her, but all this shit just makes me depressed.

[anonymous53]

It's curiosity.
It'll probably go away.

[hompblah]

It's not really "curiosity". I don't want to try something new with a guy or shit like that.

[mrbob360]

it still could be curiousity ur not gay or bi put it that way as u have stated you have no physical attraction to guys so you are jus curious and if ur going to get depressed about i wouldnt because you will be depressed a long while you cant control ur horemones so for until you finish pueberty you will get these thoughts everyone does no matter how straight they are its a fact of life

[Mewp]

I'm 17 and i've been straight my whole life. these last few months i've been having thoughts about men. i hate them. i don't like men/dont want to be with one/dont want to kiss one/dont want to have sex with one/not attracted to them nor do i find them attractive. it has had me depressed for a long time. i just want it to stop. i like girls a lot. its just that this crap makes me super depressed. what is this? whats going on? will it ever stop? it seems like it never will. i find no pleasure in thinking about men, none at all. it just brings me mental pain. i've seen pictures of men kissing/having sex and i thought it was gross (no offense to the gay/bi people). i don't want to ever kiss a guy or anything.

i have a girlfriend and i love being with her, but all this shit just makes me depressed.

Well, if it's none of those, I don't see any issue. :what:

Elaborate, please. What kind of thoughts?

Off the bat, it seems to be like you're curious and in deep denial; but there's not much to work with.

[hompblah]

Well, if it's none of those, I don't see any issue. :what:

Elaborate, please. What kind of thoughts?

Off the bat, it seems to be like you're curious and in deep denial; but there's not much to work with.


I don't know. I really don't know how to explain it. I've never been attracted to the same sex before. I guess it's "fantasies" but I don't know. I don't want to have sex with a guy or kiss a guy. I just really really can't picture my self with one and I don't want to be with one. I dont ever want to do sexual things with a man. I tried considering that I am bi and it didn't seem right. I just couldn't find my self looking at men and thinking "he is cute" or what ever. I don't want to "explore" my sexuality.
I've tried thinking about men in a sexual way and really concentrating on it, and nothing. I tried looking up "gay" to, I guess see pictures, and nothing. I didn't like it. I can't ever picture my self doing what I saw pictres of.

[Contra]

From what I see, you're just slightly curious and you're making a big deal out of this. You should focus on other stuff, wait and eventually those thoughts will fade away. You don't look like you'll turn out to be gay or bi because you don't even show signs of wanting to experiment or anything.

[Mewp]

Then again, I was happily hetrosexual until 17 too, and had a bunch of issues with articulating and conceptualising my attraction to men (and gay porn didn't really 'do it' for some time).

Just don't make too much of an issue about; also, just like with women, if you're curious, it's not going to extend to all guys you meet, or even a significant minority of people your own age.

[hompblah]

i just really cant picture myself being gay or bi. i don't want to explore and try something new with a guy because i seriously don't want to. its just weird to me (no offense to the gay/bi people) i just really want this to stop. its been bugging me for a while.

[Contra]

Yes, I can understand you may be feeling bad about it, but unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it besides trying to be as happy as possible with your girlfriend.

[Matt R]

It sounds like you've got a case of the Inceptions.

"So what if I tell you 'Don't think about elephants.' What're you thinking about?"

"Elephants."

You're telling yourself "Don't think about guys." Well, now you're thinking about guys. That could be all that's happening if you're really that opposed to "exploring."

[hompblah]

It sounds like you've got a case of the Inceptions.

"So what if I tell you 'Don't think about elephants.' What're you thinking about?"

"Elephants."

You're telling yourself "Don't think about guys." Well, now you're thinking about guys. That could be all that's happening if you're really that opposed to "exploring."


whoa. thats a good point.


its just, i feel like if i seriously consider my self bisexual, it wont last long and i'll just be straight. idk. that makes sense in my head.

[Parlement]

Why be depressed? It's a perfectly normal thing to think about these things. Rather you want to or not, you just have to deal with these changes. Right now, at your age, your hormones are raging.

And, if you do by any chance find out that you're gay or bi, that is perfectly normal. Rather you want to or not, you need to accept yourself for who you are.

[hompblah]

Why be depressed? It's a perfectly normal thing to think about these things. Rather you want to or not, you just have to deal with these changes. Right now, at your age, your hormones are raging.

And, if you do by any chance find out that you're gay or bi, that is perfectly normal. Rather you want to or not, you need to accept yourself for who you are.

Its depressing me because I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I just don't understand this. I don't have an attraction to men or anything like that. I don't want to experiment with a guy to see if I really like this because I just really don't see my self doing things with a guy. I can't see my self with one in the future or anything. It's like this crap will never end.

[Parlement]

If you didn't really want to experiment with a guy, you wouldn't be having these thoughts.

You're just denying yourself, pretty much lieing to yourself to make you feel better.

Seriously, accept yourself for who you are, or your life will end up in you just being sad all the time.

And again, I'm not saying you're gay, I'm saying you're having these thoughts because you're curious. It's normal for these thoughts in puberty, and they may, or may not go away. However, it is unknown when they will go away. It could be soon or it could be longer. Or, if you do end up finding out you like the same gender, it could be forever.

[Jawbreaker]

My first piece of advice is to forget this "I don't want to experiment with guys" mentality. It's the reason you're having these conflicting feelings. If that were the case then quite frankly, you'd know who you are and that'd be the end of it.

You mention that you're having fantasies and then say you can't imagine yourself participating in any of the gay activities you saw. That's leaving me a bit confused. Are these fantasies sexual in any way? It seems that they are and you're just completely denying it. Trust me, you're only hurting yourself by pretending to be something you're not.

Chances are, you're not bisexual and you're not gay. You're just a bit curious. Why not just let yourself go and see what you want to fantasize about? You may be surprised and just realize that whatever it is you're thinking about, it's not wrong and in no way affects your ability to have a meaningful relationship with women.

[Parlement]

My first piece of advice is to forget this "I don't want to experiment with guys" mentality. It's the reason you're having these conflicting feelings. If that were the case then quite frankly, you'd know who you are and that'd be the end of it.

You mention that you're having fantasies and then say you can't imagine yourself participating in any of the gay activities you saw. That's leaving me a bit confused. Are these fantasies sexual in any way? It seems that they are and you're just completely denying it. Trust me, you're only hurting yourself by pretending to be something you're not.

Chances are, you're not bisexual and you're not gay. You're just a bit curious. Why not just let yourself go and see what you want to fantasize about? You may be surprised and just realize that whatever it is you're thinking about, it's not wrong and in no way affects your ability to have a meaningful relationship with women.

My words EXACTLY! Perfecly put. Also, it seems to me like you're going through the stages of greif.

Here they are -

1. Denial and Isolation.
2. Anger.
3. Bargaining.
4. Depression.
5. Acceptance.

[hompblah]

My first piece of advice is to forget this "I don't want to experiment with guys" mentality. It's the reason you're having these conflicting feelings. If that were the case then quite frankly, you'd know who you are and that'd be the end of it.

You mention that you're having fantasies and then say you can't imagine yourself participating in any of the gay activities you saw. That's leaving me a bit confused. Are these fantasies sexual in any way? It seems that they are and you're just completely denying it. Trust me, you're only hurting yourself by pretending to be something you're not.

Chances are, you're not bisexual and you're not gay. You're just a bit curious. Why not just let yourself go and see what you want to fantasize about? You may be surprised and just realize that whatever it is you're thinking about, it's not wrong and in no way affects your ability to have a meaningful relationship with women.

i don't really know what it is. its not really "fantasies" but that is the only word i could think of to say. i think of "fantasies" as something i want to do, like have sex with a girl in the shower. its just...i don't know. i don't know what this is. i've tried thinking of men in a sexual way and really concentrating on it, and nothing. i've tried looking at pictures of gay men having sex, and it just grossed me out (no offense gay people) i feel like if i really considered my self bi, it wouldn't last long and i'd just be straight again. i just don't know. i don't get this. its apparently normal for people my age to go through this. i don't even remember how this started.

[Parlement]

The reason these things are grossing you out are because you are denying yourself the pleasure of enjoying them.

Accept yourself for who you are. Seriously.

[hompblah]

The reason these things are grossing you out are because you are denying yourself the pleasure of enjoying them.

Accept yourself for who you are. Seriously.

i found no pleasure in looking at them. i find no pleasure in thinking about all of this.

[Parlement]

Then you aren't gay/bi!

But I really just think you aren't letting yourself find pleasure in this. Because if you did let yourself, you might find out that you like them more than girls. I think you're scared to find out what you really are.

My work here is done, if you don't accept yourself for who you are than that's your problem.

[Shenron]

If you didn't really want to experiment with a guy, you wouldn't be having these thoughts.

You're just denying yourself, pretty much lieing to yourself to make you feel better.

Seriously, accept yourself for who you are, or your life will end up in you just being sad all the time.

And again, I'm not saying you're gay, I'm saying you're having these thoughts because you're curious. It's normal for these thoughts in puberty, and they may, or may not go away. However, it is unknown when they will go away. It could be soon or it could be longer. Or, if you do end up finding out you like the same gender, it could be forever.

This is a good observation and if you are still having problems you should read this again.



My words EXACTLY! Perfecly put. Also, it seems to me like you're going through the stages of greif.

Here they are -

1. Denial and Isolation.
2. Anger.
3. Bargaining.
4. Depression.
5. Acceptance.

This too is a great observation, well done. You particular situation sounds to me like what my Psychology professor called compound grief. You have denied and are still denying the fact that you may have some attraction to members of the same sex. You are angry that these thoughts are occuring and won't stop. You are bargaining by saying that if you just tell yourself you are bi that the thoughts will go away and you will magically become straight again. You are depressed because somewhere in your mind you are telling yourself that you may possibly not be straight and apparently that bothers you. You have not yet gotten to the acceptance stage, thats where we come in. :)

i don't really know what it is. its not really "fantasies" but that is the only word i could think of to say. i think of "fantasies" as something i want to do, like have sex with a girl in the shower. its just...i don't know. i don't know what this is. i've tried thinking of men in a sexual way and really concentrating on it, and nothing. i've tried looking at pictures of gay men having sex, and it just grossed me out (no offense gay people) i feel like if i really considered my self bi, it wouldn't last long and i'd just be straight again. i just don't know. i don't get this. its apparently normal for people my age to go through this. i don't even remember how this started.

Well, I can't help you with that, only you can tell us what you are experiencing. Perhaps they are fantasies and you just don't want to admit it. It is normal for people your age to have these thoughts and feel attraction or curiousity to someone of the same sex.

As far as the pictures grossing you out, I dont think you realize what the mind is capable of. over 70% of our actions and thought are controlled by our unconscious mind. You, subconsciously, are telling yourself that there is no way you could be turned on by what you are seeing and that it is totally gross and thus, those are the feelings you experience. If I go into intense details i may lose you or others reading this so if you have questions or want me to further explain this please pm me.

The reason these things are grossing you out are because you are denying yourself the pleasure of enjoying them.

Accept yourself for who you are. Seriously.

This is a very real possibility and you should consider it seriously.

i found no pleasure in looking at them. i find no pleasure in thinking about all of this.

Again, you find no pleasure because you do not want to find pleasure. You are unwilling to approach this with an open mind and therefore you will not be able to truly understand what it is you are experiencing. I hope you find the ability and the courage to really look at this as an opportunity to learn about yourself and possibly discover who you really are. I am not saying that you are a totally different person from what you think you are but I am saying that you won't know who you really are until you are able to take a step back and look at this with an open mind.

I really hope you read and understood what I said. Again, if you have any question, want to talk, or want further explanation please pm me, I'd be happy to help.

[Wicked_Syn]

I aint tryna attack you or anything but I do think that you are just over playing this. You make it out like you hate even communicating with other males. I'm sure you talk to other guys. You do seem homophobic, and the fact that men are making an entry into your mind is killing you. I think you need to just calm a little bit. You're not thinking about sex or anything with them, so I don't see why the fret..

[Parlement]

Well put, chris.

I know I said my work here was done, but, I think I'll still keep an eye on it.

[Shenron]

Well put, chris.

I know I said my work here was done, but, I think I'll still keep an eye on it.

Thank you

To the OP, I seriously think you should consider what I said. Really think about it for a while. I am going to major in Psychology next year in college and for the last two years I have been taking Psych courses from the local college through a dual enrollment program. You really don't know the capability of your subconscious to influence your thought and actions. Like I said, PM me if you have any question or want to learn a bit more about your mind and why you may be experiencing the things you are experiencing.

[Parlement]

Chris is smart... :O

Lolz.

[Weeping]

What Chris said, basically! :D

[Parlement]

Well there you have it. 2 people agree with chris. You know what that means?

Follow chris's advice!

[Shenron]

Not trying to pry or anything but let us know if you are still having problems, we really are here to help.

[Parlement]

Chris has been so much help, maybe you should think about being a councelor when you get older.

[redmann]

Try to think about other things and ignore the thoughts then they will probably go away

[RoseyCadaver]

I was the same way a while back,first it was a thought,then i was in denial,now I'm a happy bisexual.

This may not be you though,you might just be curious,but if you're don't deny yourself.Fantasies are fantasies,there is nothing wrong with them.

Denying yourself will just make you want it more,and worst.You should NEVER ever deny yourself.

You seem to be in a loop. A:I wonder whats it like to be with guys B:Not wait I don't like guys that way C:I still don't know what it's like to be with guys A:I wonder whats it like to be with guys B:Not wait I don't like guys that way..............

In fact, you see the cycle can go on and on.Break that old habit,if you feel something there ,it's not bad to fantasize.If you like it ,keep exploring;one rabbit hole can lead you to endless choices of rabbits my friend.

Cheers

[TtotheC]

i'd love to agree with you Chris, but i've been and still AM a little in the same package as the poster of this topic, and i could tell you that if something makes you uncomfortable and if something doesn't feel right, should you really act on it?

Not always. Then again, having a same-sex fantasy doesnt have to mean anything either. This may seem to you as denial and that you have to look into possibilities, but is that really necesary? Things come naturally, puberty is full of hormones and feelings and there's PLENTY, and i mean PLENTY of people on this forum that have said to have a same-sex experience, and are straight! Some of them bisexual, some of them now gay. See everyone finds out for themselves what they are along the way, but some choose to be labeled by society (straight, bi, gay, curious, whatever). What you have to learn, if like parlement said you ever were to become a counselor, is that you should NEVER make anyone rush into sexuality decisions by suggesting things. That's a huge factor of confusion and depression for the person and it won't do anything good, let everyone take their time, give small hints, and advice! Not suggestions, you can't look inside this boy's head. Having gone through this myself, i have had days of such huge confusion that i just said i was gay just to make it stop. Don't be the cause of that.

I, for one, happen to like gay porn every once in a while, no shame here! I'm straight, and who knows one day a bisexual! But i'll never prize myself gay, why? Because i have no emotional attraction towards guys, and have always had both physical and emotional attraction towards girls. I have an AMAZING girlfriend who i love to death!! Now, purely because i would watch gay porn every now and then to get off, do i have to leave her? Do i have to worry her? Heck no! I love her, and that's what counts!:)

Hope this helps!

[beardedboy]

For as long as I can remember I have had thoughts about men. Some sexual some not. When I was young I experimented with my friends. For several years, I had these lingering thoughts in my head while my friends moved on to a heterosexual life. I didn't think about it back then, but within the last couple of weeks I accepted I am bisexual. I too even last year told myself the same things you are. "I don't like guys in that way" "I can't see myself doing that" etc. But after hanging out on this site I learned that there is no reason to hide my feelings. I LIKE GUYS MORE THAN GIRLS and that is ok. I am still a virgin and have never actually had sex with a man, and there are still things that I am unsure I would do with a man, but I am more open than I was. I have made some friends already (I think) and I realized that telling myself that I am not bisexual is probably hurting me more than just admitting it.

I am not saying that you swing the opposite way or even both ways, you could be straight, but experience what you are covering up. No sense in hurting yourself emotionally or mentally because of it. We are here to help you in any way possible, and no one here is judging what you do or don't like. Curiosity is a Bitch to put it simply, worse for heterosexuals than it is for gays and bisexuals but just think about what Chris and Parlement and the others have said to you, and when you are ready, you can respond to our thoughts.

[Shenron]

i'd love to agree with you Chris, but i've been and still AM a little in the same package as the poster of this topic, and i could tell you that if something makes you uncomfortable and if something doesn't feel right, should you really act on it?

Not always. Then again, having a same-sex fantasy doesnt have to mean anything either. This may seem to you as denial and that you have to look into possibilities, but is that really necesary?

I don't know what you got from my post but I was not telling the op to go out and experiment or anything. Based on what he said, he told us that he was thinking about other guys. He alluded to the fact that he was thinking of them sexually. He also made clear (at least to me) that he doesn't want to think these things. Now, I simply told him to step back, look at the big picture, clear his mind, and approach the subject in an unbiased manner. This of course will be difficult for him because of his strong desire to not feel the way he feels. By pushing the problem to the side and forcing himself to think the way he wants to think, he is only hurting himself in the long run. He is redirecting those thought to the subconscious and "locking them away" so to speak. They will, one day down the road, resurface and he will again be depressed and confused.

He seems to be depressed and confused now. That is why he needs to approach this with an open mind. By coming at this from the standpoint "I'm straight, I can't think about guys like this" he is only fooling himself. The fact that things don't feel right and make you uncomfortable shouldn't mean you don't act on them. Look at it like this, is there a real reason why they make him feel uncomfortable, or is HE making himself feel that way by not keeping an open mind?