I messed things up but I don't remember

[CryWolf]

My dad left 5 years ago and I haven't seen or heard from him since. My mom still blames me for this. She has told me that dad left because he saw too much of himself in me and couldn't take it. She says that I didn't try hard enough to please him. Truth is I can't argue with this because it seems like I don't remember a lot of what happened. I was ten and I should remember this stuff. The town we were living in was small and my mom, my little brother and I took a lot of shit from people. They called my bro and I the abandoned Wolf cubs (wolf is our last name) and shit like that. Eventually my mom got into some trouble with the law for stealing. She is now in a half-way house and my bro and I live with an uncle in a different city.
I guess what I'm wondering is how to make my mom stop hating me for what I did to push dad away? I've said over and over that Im sorry and would do anything to make it right. She tells me its too late to fix anything.
I'm also wondering why I can't remember how things were. I remember dad and I remember things we all did and circumstances and situations, but I can't remember (im having trouble putting this in to words) what happened.
I have a lot of questions about my dad and mom is the only one who can answer them, but she won't. How am I like him? Do I think the same way? Do I have his mannerisms? Stuff like that. I know I'm a wild child as far as mom is concerned, but I just wish she would forgive me for him leaving and answer my questions!!

[Dimitri]

First off this is not your fault, do not beleive one bit of that. Second it is his fault, he could not handle that his son was like him. Personally my dad wishes I was more like him but I am not, I am very much like my mother. I think that you might be able to ask your Uncle or my find out if you dad had bros and sis' that you can talk too.

This is not your fault. And the reason why you might not be able to remember what happened too easily is because subconsciously you have sheilded yourself from this and you do not want to remember ot because it was such a tramatic experience for you.

If you have any other questions please feel free to PM or VM me and I will get back asap.

[CryWolf]

Thanks for saying all that. I hope at least some questions get answered. So far that doesn't seem likely. I could accept the blame more easily if I knew what it was I did.
I'd like mostly to make it up to my mom tho.
What you were saying about the memory loss thing...is that possible? My mind is jumbled from then and ive felt a little crazy about it.

[Travis Is Losing It]

Corey its not your fault. Everyone has free will and he chose to leave. Sometimes you just dont remember things its normal. And things that make you upset some people forget not on purpose but as a coping mechinism and sometimes it cant be remembered. Your mom blaming you for what happened is a horrible thing for her to do. If you want to make it up to your mom first show her that you care about her and that if you want your dad back (didnt see in the post if you did sorry) then explain to her that you miss him too. Shes just upset that he left and is trying to find something to take it out on because she doesnt have a good enough coping mechinism. There not just for kids and teens adults have to find things that get them through stuff just like we do. The way she is doing it is wrong though.

[beardedboy]

This is such a sad story. :( In no way is it your fault that your dad left. He chose to abandon you guys and no one should blame a 10 year old for not caring enough. I can't say that I understand your story personally, but I hope that feel free to contact me if you just need someone to talk to about anything. Even if just keeping you company is enough. :)

[ItStOuGhEnOuGh4Us]

This is so sad indeed. First of all this is not your fault in any way. For your mom to say that is irresponsible of her. You were 10 for Gods sake! Perhaps you can't remember causing trouble or issues simply because you didn't! It sounds like your mom is blaming you for her failures, and that is not cool. Your father chose to leave, and that is that. Keep your head up, and move forward, you will be okay.

[CryWolf]

Thanks for the responses. I appreciate it.

[tav18]

Your mom gave birth to you so you can be a better child and to do great things whatever your father did may be understandable- but your mom loves you and she would never in any way hurt you no matter what she says mabye you can prove to her you can be a better person what matters the most is that you should love eachother and family are always willing to care for you no matter what you do:)

[Derek951]

I'm not quite sure how to say this and be nice, so I apologize for the language. But what your mom says about you being the reason for her breakup is bullshit. No other word I can think of for it.

So 1) don't believe you're the cause, not for a second. 2) she should be asking you to forgive her, not the other way around 3) you are who you are. Don't think any traits you might have from your dad somehow make you a bad person. From your post, u actually sound like a caring person.

[CryWolf]

I'm not quite sure how to say this and be nice, so I apologize for the language. But what your mom says about you being the reason for her breakup is bullshit. No other word I can think of for it.

So 1) don't believe you're the cause, not for a second. 2) she should be asking you to forgive her, not the other way around 3) you are who you are. Don't think any traits you might have from your dad somehow make you a bad person. From your post, u actually sound like a caring person.

Thanks for the reply. This has been going on for quite awhile now. I just wish I knew what those traits were. It would make it easier to deal with. At least I think it would. I know that I would have a better shot at changing those things if I could 'see' them.