Is it worth it?

[Love.Hate]

Well the note is written.. but i dont know what is stopping me. I think i want to possibly last the next week.. at least get to 16. So in the papers it doesnt seem like im such a headcase.

Is suicide even worth it? At the moment i think it is, Im just fed up of counting the days without cutting, and people trying to make me hurt And looking in the mirror everyday and never being happy.
It just makes me realise how pathetic i am, my life is.

Im never going to amount to anything, or do anything exeptional.. so why am even here.

I dont know what this is.. but i know if i did kill myself im safe for at least the next few weeks, as im 16 soon. Im just scared about after that.. when i have no reason to actually live.

This sounds so selfish of me, i have a life and i should live it to the full. But im not sure if i want to anymore. The future scares me so much.

[FullyAlive]

Fran, If you can last a week you can last longer.

You're fed up of counting the days, but each day you've counted it shows you're fighting all of it. You've been fighting and you can continue fighting. I know it gets hard and you start to wonder if there's even a point to it all. But even if you can't see the point now even if it doesn't feel like it now one day it'll be different things might not be better, but your perspective will change you'll see it differently. Who knows maybe you'll be happy? Is that so hard to imagine?

You might not think you'll amount to anything, but I know you're an exceptional person regardless of whether you do. I know it's hard to see yourself as what other people see you as. But maybe one day that'll change too and you'll see how much you have to offer the world, if you died you wouldn't have that chance would you?

I know how it feels to be scared of the future, but to be cliche the future is what you make it. You don't have to be scared you can keep control of your future you can grasp it and make it whatever you want. Commit suicide and you won't have a future a good one or a scary one.

:hug3: you know where I am yeah?

[georgiamay]

Short answer: No, suicide isn't worth it.

Long answer: How do you know you won't amount to anything? Can you see the future? No you can't. That little voice inside your head that tells you that you're no good at anything, that you might as well be dead because your life is so useless, is a liar. Don't listen to it. I know it's not that easy, but no one's life is useless. I'm sure that if you sat down and wrote a list about everything that's good about you, and what you're good at, you'd be able to think of quite a few things.

If you killed yourself, then your life would have been a waste. That might sound harsh, but it's true. What would you have to show for the nearly 16 years that you've lived? Everyone has something to offer, so you may as well wait and see what you can do with your life.

I know what it's like to have that voice inside your head telling you that you'll be better off dead, and I know how it feels to completely believe it. But if you just wait it out, eventually the voice will go. It might come back, and it probably will, but you'll learn to ignore it.

Maybe you should go back to see the doctor? I know the psychologist didn't help you last time, but you can ask for someone/something different.

[Love.Hate]

Who knows maybe you'll be happy? Is that so hard to imagine?

But maybe one day that'll change too and you'll see how much you have to offer the world, if you died you wouldn't have that chance would you?

Commit suicide and you won't have a future a good one or a scary one.



I dont know, i have my happy moments.. but im never truely "happy".. I just dont know if im capable of it. It is hard to imagine.. because i dont think it will ever be me.

I dont know.. maybe i wouldnt have a chance anyway to change the world or what not.. It all just seems so sad.. I dont know what to do with myself. I dont know if i will ever know.

And i guess your right, I wont know what sort of future i will have.. but isnt that a good thing.. because my future will probably be a lot shitter than my life is now. And i cant deal with that.

Edit-

Georgia, Your right, and i know it deep down inside.. Its just im not sure if i want to believe things might get better... because they might get worse? Maybe i have something to offer... maybe i dont. Im really confused right now.

Is it even possible to learn to ignore it? I just dont know anymore. Its an easy way out i know, and its not going to solve anything.. but i think it could just save me from myself.. If anything im getting weaker, not stronger without cutting and i dont know how much longer i will be able to cope.

I would go back and see the doctor.. but its terrifying.. I just cant. Not again.. Plus mum thinks im all better now, i couldnt break her heart again.

[Fiction]

You don't have to do anything exceptional to make your life worth it. Also what is your meaning of the word exceptional? You don't need to find the cure for cancer or anything like that to be exceptional. Even if you just change one life, make one person happier it's worth it right? Like i've seen you do here so many times, and i'm sure you do it in real life too.

The thing with suicide is that once it's done, it's done. There is no going back and you never have the chance to see the future. You're ending your life before giving it a chance, before seeing whether one day you can be happy.

Being 16 doesn't change anything, you'll still be who you are now and if you can make it until you're 16, you can make it until you're 17 and even further on. Stay strong Fran because things can get better. :hug:

[Love.Hate]

Thanks guys, i know your all right.
I need to hang in there.. And i dont know, try?
Yeah try. So this is me trying :)

[Magenta]

Fran! :hug: No, suicide is not worth it. I'd have no VMs to look forward to from you. That would suck big time.

Okay, humour attempt aside, it really isn't worth it. We've all been there. We've all written the note(s). We've all made the plans. But we're all still here. Deep down, you know that suicide is it, you're done and you're not coming back. That's what is stopping you.

And you know what? I want to wake up on June 9 and attack your profile with VMs because you are worth it. You're going to make it to your sixteenth birthday... then your seventeenth...

Also, is it really only a week until we both turn 16 (give or take a couple days)? I know I usually am all blah about birthdays but CELEBRATE. Do it! Remember why you need to live.

[Love.Hate]

Jo your right.. (and bless you thankyou.. im going to spam your wall with vms now)

I guess im scared that what if i did die.. how much it would impact people. I dont want to hurt anyone.

I think im going to have to celebrate this one big style to get my mood back up.

Thankyou everyone for your lovely replies :heart:

[MattVon]

I dont know, i have my happy moments.. but im never truely "happy".. I just dont know if im capable of it. It is hard to imagine.. because i dont think it will ever be me.To be honest, I don't think anyone can truly be happy during their teen years, besides those snobby rich bastards. (No offence if any of you are here.:whoops:) Other than that, we all experience happiness at our own pace. What may be happiness for one person, may be average life to another. I know half the shit I know who get happy over things doesn't phase me much but I tend not to dwell on it much.

I dont know.. maybe i wouldnt have a chance anyway to change the world or what not.. It all just seems so sad.. I dont know what to do with myself. I dont know if i will ever know.Just because you think that now does defiantly not mean it's true. You live in England, so I am trusting you to know who Richard Branson is, amirite? Well if you do not, he's pretty much the top dog of Virgin, and if you don't know who Virgin are, then maybe you know Virgin Media? Who cares, the point is when Richard Branson was young his English teacher used to mock him because he had dyslexia and he'd always tell him he'd be useless in life, a no body. Where is he now? A mother fucking millionaire.

Big deal, some of us make something out of ourselves others don't it's giving it a try that counts. If you fail, you get back up either try it again or take another approach at it. The day you give you up, well I don't know really it's not recommended.

And i guess your right, I wont know what sort of future i will have.. but isnt that a good thing.. because my future will probably be a lot shitter than my life is now. And i cant deal with that.A shit future consists of being an addict to drugs, no money, homeless possibly invested with deadly diseases. You're perfectly right in thinking your future may not be amazing, but everyone starts somewhere because we don't miraculously become amazing talented rich or what ever. It takes dedicated, commitment, and much more.

Life seriously isn't easy for anyone, unless your someone who gets anything they want because their parents spoil them senseless.

Georgia, Your right, and i know it deep down inside.. Its just im not sure if i want to believe things might get better... because they might get worse? Maybe i have something to offer... maybe i dont. Im really confused right now.Don't try believe or hope your future is better, your future develops by what you do in the present time, make use of your present. I want to be an IT Tech, I've gone through several years of college, self learning and such to get where I am and I most certainly still have LOADS to learn because technology keeps going ON AND ON AND ON AND EFFIN ON.. *Takes a small breath*

What I'm saying is, find what you enjoy what you want to learn. If you don't know then research on things, put your mind out there and find things out that you can either learn in school/college/uni and follow those aims. "Aim High" as my old school and current college call it. Things take time, so don't give up no matter how depressed you are.

Is it even possible to learn to ignore it?My apologies for this but I may have blanked what ever this was a reply to. But my reply to ignorance, it is possible to ignore anything it just requires determination. And if you can't ignore something then focus on something else.

I just dont know anymore. Its an easy way out i know, and its not going to solve anything.. but i think it could just save me from myself.. If anything im getting weaker, not stronger without cutting and i dont know how much longer i will be able to cope.Slightly stumped here, all I say is.. Find something that makes you feel better as an alternative to self harming. One of the biggest things I've always mentioned is music, music makes us feel good, depressed, realize things, and so on.

I guess im scared that what if i did die.. how much it would impact people. I dont want to hurt anyone. You've already confessed to not wanting to break your mums heart, and this is another confession for not wanting to hurt anyone else. So I'd say there's a glimmer of light on the other end of the tunnel you have dug.

Live life to it's fullest, if you cannot then have no fear of a terrible life. Find something else, something that's you that makes you happy but does not harm yourself. I remember the years of unfortunate events I had to put up with, and amazingly it's back but through another ex. I'd shuffle through loads of music, loads of bands just to feel good. I eventually got bored of the same of music and such but then one day (25/02/2010) to be exact I found one band who I've gone bloody nuts for, and literally all of their songs bring life out of me, I'd share the music but seriously I try to share and the large majority dislike it, BUT I will share this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCLBntJznsM

[Love.Hate]

Just to start off with a huge thankyou, that has really made me think. (and the music isn't that bad too, so I will take that advice on board immediately.

I didn't know Richard Branson had dyslexia, wow. That is pretty epic, if he can do something then I guess so can I. I'm going to try and make something out of my future, however hard that may be for me to say right now.. I want a good life and I want make people proud of me. So by commuting suicide that's not achieving those things I guess.

I need to find a distraction that works for me, that makes me feel better. I guess music could be it, I will give it a try. If music can seriously make you happier then I'm sure it will work for me too.. We shall see.

So now I'm trying not to dwell on the shit, and to look forward.. Even if it's better or worse. I will deal with each day as it comes.

Matt your going to make a brilliant IT tech, keep working hard.. Your determination proves to me you can do it :D

[MattVon]

You're most welcome Fran, I think anyone can do anything they just have to have the power to do something about it rather than nothing. It'll be hard, and it will most certainly take time but trust me as they say in weight training "No pain, no gain". As long stay on the path to wanting to make something of yourself and stay dedicated to this path you will succeed no matter how long or hard it may become.

Music most certainly worked for me I have no idea where I'd be without it. Dwelling on positive thoughts and feelings will help no doubt. =]

And thank you very much. ^_^