I'm really lost, please help me!

[freak_0u7]

Hello.I just found out about this forum on google and decided to register because I'm really confused.So I've been struggling with HOCD(Homosexuality Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and I'm really lost about my sexuality.If you don't know what HOCD is you can look it up in google - it's basically a fear of being or becoming gay.So I've been suffering from this for about a year and 7-8 months.I need your opinion about my sexual orientation, I'll list the facts that I expirienced throughout my life and all the tests and results from all the compulsive checking and testing I've done.

I've liked girls since I was 7-8 years old.
I was always turned on by girls and still am.
I always fantasized about girls since I started masturbating.(10-11 y/o)
I always pictured myself in relationship with girls.
I've had multiple crushes on girls.
I've kissed girls and I got me turned on extremely much - I loved it.
I regurarly have sex with my girlfriend and it's great.
I'm always turned on by my girlfriend.(Kissing,hugging,touching)
I always masturbated to thoughts about girls and their bodies or straight porn (woman + man).
I never fantasized about boys or men.
I never masturbated to gay porn.
I never had a crush on a guy.
I never had romantic thoughts about a guy.
I never pictured myself in a relationship with a guy.
I've never been turned on by another member of the same sex.
I used to think gay porn and relationships were disgusting(no offense please!)

Now those are the facts before HOCD struck me.Now I'm gonna write down what I've done after HOCD.

I would watch gay porn to check my reactions.I never get a boner from it, but I get feelings down there and sometimes movement.So I decided I'm gonna bring out a ruler and measure the size of my penis as I'm watching it...Basically what happens is at some points of the video my penis gets 5 to 8 mm bigger(1/5 - 1/4 inch) and then it returns to normal.
With lesbian porn I get less of a reaction, but when I do it gets 3-4 cm bigger.(2 inches)
With heterosexual porn I get a full blown erection and it doesn't go down...
In real life I only look at girls sexually, never into guys and as I said I'm always turned on by girls.I like the boobs and the ass and all the curves on a woman, the only thing that I'm not really into is the vagina - but it's ok.In a man nothing turns me on sexually.I'm not turned on by muscles,faces,penises and stuff like that, but in gay porn when there is a sexual act between people I get some kind of reaction as I described above - it's real confusing.

So what the hell am I?!?!

I am sorry for the language but I'm desperate please help me.Thanks in advance!

[Nelson]

Dude, I wouldn't worry too much about it okay, The reason your getting some form of "movement" down there is because your mind is thinking about sex, your mind registers the word porn and starts thinking about sex and stuff.

Being gay or bisexual involves a physical and emotional attraction to guys, and it sounds like you have neither, so don't fret.

[freak_0u7]

Thank you for the response!The thing that bothers me is that when I look at gay porn I get more intense reactions down there compared to lesbian but still no erection just the enlargement I spoke of (1/5 or 1/4 inches).I'm starting to feel that sex in my mind is registered by the act of you know...in and out.Is that even possible or I'm just making up excuses?

[Nelson]

No offence intended, but your making up excuses.
A bit of dick growth while watching any porn is kinda normal, your brain is registering sex..

Maybe you need to see a counselor about the HOCD, it might not be too serious, but if the thoughts start getting more recurrent, Consider seeing a professional

[freak_0u7]

The thoughts don't give me peace man.Why would I test like this otherwise.I've tested with thoughts and all kinds of stuff and I still don't know what I am.

Thank you again! :)

[clr9823]

There's no "testing" which you should do; either your gay, straight or bisexual. You show no real sexual or physical attraction to guys, so you're straight.

The porn thing is just you watching sex, which will always make you slightly aroused - especially since you're in puberty so your hormones are all over the place.

Stop worrying, stop "testing", enjoy your girlfriend and girls, and in the very unlikely event you start turning towards guys (let me stress VERY unlikely so you don't freak) then don't worry about that either.

[Dunce]

Watching two people getting it on is going to get you aroused no matter what gender they are. I think you are getting more of a reaction to the gay stuff because you're so afraid that you will like it. I've heard theories that if you're afraid to be gay, you'll become more attracted to the same sex until you finally get over you fear. It's like you want what you wont let yourself have. You're restricting yourself from it so you want it more.

I don't know how you'll get over it though, you'll have to talk to a professional. To me you sound straight, but you could be anything.

[freak_0u7]

Thank you all for your responses it really helped me to hear some opinions.I needed it thank you.

[freak_0u7]

Hello!I have some news on the topic I just wanted to tell you that I got over this!
@Dunce I owe you man!!!Like you said I just stopped carrying for a bit I was desperate and I went to test again and there was nothing just some extremely minor feelings down there and nothing more - no growth no nothing!Something just snapped in my head and I don't know I checked probably 10 times and there was nothing, rewinded the videos again and again through parts that before gave me intense reactions and there was nothing but extremely minor feelings!Thank you!

[Jawbreaker]

You seem pretty straight to me. There are many reasons why you're getting more of a reaction when watching gay porn. My immediate thought is that you can relate more to the act of male homosexuality than that of female. I don't know exactly what type of lesbian porn you watched but from what I've seen, most of it involves fingering and cunnilingus. On the other hand, gay porn is usually more penetrative in nature. So, it may just be that you find it easier to "relate" to male gay porn for the mere fact that it more closely resembles the heterosexual pornography and sexuality you are comfortable with.

That and, since most lesbian porn is pretty heterosexual oriented, there is quite an emphasis on vaginas so, if that's not your thing, I can certainly see why you'd get less of a reaction. Anyway, glad to see that you're getting over it, but I just thought that this too might put your mind at ease.

[Parlement]

Whatever sexuality you are, just be cool with it. You're perfect the way you are, no matter what you like.