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MadManWithaBox
May 29th, 2011, 01:20 PM
This is one of my worst memories, since it was a bad time in my life. But I've been going over it a lot recently, and now I want to vent. So here we go.

When I was 14, I was in boarding school. And two male teachers, who lived on the premises with us, raped me, and beat me several times, say 9 or 10 times, until they were found out. When the school found out, they called the police. My mum wasn't around, and they said I'd either be sent to my dad, who tried to kill me and abused me my whole life, or put into care. And I didn't want either of those things. So I legged it. I ran away. I had £23.89 in notes and coins, my DS lite, and my phone. I ran, and got the bus, I stopped when I reached Liverpool city centre. I thought that I could hide. Since there were so many homeless people in Liverpool, till my mum came back. It wasn't really cold, and I bought cigarettes and nice food and a sleeoing bag from a charity shop. I thought it'd be a couple of days at most.

That was wednesday. On friday, I was on hope street, planning to get the train home on Saturday, When some police came round, with a picture of me. Looking for me. And I thought I was in trouble. I freaked out. And I ran away again, to Garston. That was the first time I got mugged. And I got the shit kicked out of me, by some lads. And what was left of my money, phone and DS were gone. So I had waited until Saturday. hiding in some Alley by a chippy, till I went back into the city centre. And I begged for money. All day. And I only got £3 or something. It was late by the time I moved, like 11pm odd. I had hardly any money, no food. I was desperate. Some guy started to talk to me. He wasn't old. Late 40's I think. He asked me how old I was I was,. I said 14. He asked if I was a virgin. I told him I'd been raped. He offered me £30 to go back to his house with him, and have sex. I said ok. So he took us to his house., in birkenhead. I.. well you don't need those details. I did things I'm ashamed of.

He gave me the £30. He said his wife would be back from the night shift in 2 hours, but would I come back tomorrow. I said no. I left. I stayed in birkenhead. I tried begging again. I didn't make anything. I had the £30. I thought it'd last till I was out of trouble. I didn't when that would be. And on Tuesday. I saw posters everywhere, with my face. So I ran again. To manchester. And more begging that didn't work. On thursday, 2 old men came up to. Must have been 8 in the evening. And they offered me £10 each if I would... give them blow jobs in a public toilet. And I did. And I didn't get any money. I just got the shit kicked out of me again. But the next evening, I went looking. For people who would pay me for sex. And I found someone. Really young guy. I got £20, and I went back to Liverpool. And from there. I did that as a routine, for 9 weeks. Moving between birkenhead, Liverpool, manchester, anywhere I could afford to go. Going round the streets and pubs and night clubs, looking for people who'd pay me for sex. They prefer young guys, so I earned a lot a first. Then less. I got 50 pence for a hand job, cos I had nothing. I was constantly moving, to avoid the police. I was stealing what I could. I went through peoples bins more than once. Until eventually, me and this other guy tried to mug someone. Only there was 6 of them. So he ran away, and I got beat up, then they called the police, I got taken to the station. Where some recognised me off the posters, and I just confessed who was I. Turned out I wasn't in trouble at all. They were just worried. Stupid of me..

So yeah. Don't know why I told that. I just..... needed to, I guess.

Forest Rose
May 29th, 2011, 02:21 PM
You're right, it's good to vent. You've been through a lot of horrible things and you're incredibly strong for having made it through all of that. I wouldn't wish horrible things like that on anybody. It wasn't stupid of you, and it was completely understandable that you were scared. Everybody who treated you badly had absolutely no right to do that.

I hope things are better for you now, and that nothing like this ever happens to you again. I don't have many things to say but thank you for sharing your story.

How are things for you now?

Fiction
May 29th, 2011, 03:15 PM
That's horrible to read and know someone went through that. It's not your fault so don't you ever blame yourself.

It's good to vent and i'm glad you have. I know it's hard to forget but the past is the past. :hug:

Magenta
May 29th, 2011, 03:18 PM
Gosh, Matt. I can only imagine how awful that must have been. Thing is, though, you got through it. Now that you've shared it, you can know that you're at least not keeping it all pent up. I'm glad you decided to write it all down.

:hug:

georgiamay
May 29th, 2011, 03:23 PM
Matt :hug:

Reading that was horrible, to think that this stuff actually happens. I'm glad you vented, it's good to let stuff out.
:hug3:

davisbr2
May 29th, 2011, 03:31 PM
just to the cops in the first place

Love.Hate
May 29th, 2011, 04:08 PM
I hope you feel better now you have vented.. I think your so strong for living through that Matt!! :heart:

MadManWithaBox
May 30th, 2011, 08:23 AM
Thank you guys :) reading that back, I really was stupid. Bit it's done now, kathys right.

Donkey
May 30th, 2011, 08:30 AM
Yeah dude, not a nice situation. But, and I say this without meaning to be offensive or smug, it made for a good read. Hope you're alright now anyway...

MadManWithaBox
May 30th, 2011, 08:34 AM
No you're right. Someone said I should write a book about all the shit that's happened to me. I guess it's difficult to understand how bad it was from the written word. Or hearing it from someone else. And it was hard. Harder than the TV shows. And harder than you imagine.

Hershey's Kisses
May 30th, 2011, 09:11 AM
What a horrible and sad story . In no way are you stupid for running from the cops . You were young and scares and no one had the right to abuse you the way the did . Its horrible to hear about that, but I hope your recovering from such an awful and scarring experience .

I also think if your able ti speak to others or write a book about it maybe you'll start to feel less horrible about the whole situation. I cannot imagine hoe hard that was fir you and just by reading it I realize maybe I'm a bit lucky that my life isn't that bad . I mean , I don't have the life I want but reasdig this makes me think that I should stop moaning about all thar happened to me .

Merged, please don't double post. Use the edit button if you want to add something. ~georgiamay.

HellHound
May 31st, 2011, 03:57 PM
That is really horrible and anyone in your place deserves the better.What i can't understand is why where they always guys and how come so many pedos in one place,sounds like a messed up place.

MadManWithaBox
May 31st, 2011, 04:16 PM
Maybe guys just prefer it? And it was only a few I told my age. The rest just wanted... That service?'. Although most must have known how young I was.

Love.Hate
June 1st, 2011, 04:41 PM
No you're right. Someone said I should write a book about all the shit that's happened to me. I guess it's difficult to understand how bad it was from the written word. Or hearing it from someone else. And it was hard. Harder than the TV shows. And harder than you imagine.

That is actually a really good idea. Tell people what its really like.. Help people learn from your mistakes.

Maybe guys just prefer it? And it was only a few I told my age. The rest just wanted... That service?'. Although most must have known how young I was.

I think they just took advantage of you, because they could. The age that you were or not, if you were offering im sure they would have been up for anything regardless of age. But i dont really know.

Dont be hard on yourself, its all in the past now.

MadManWithaBox
June 1st, 2011, 04:47 PM
It's not as easy as that. Unfortunately. Wish it was.

Love.Hate
June 2nd, 2011, 04:06 PM
It's not as easy as that. Unfortunately. Wish it was.

Yes but it will get better with time. <3

MadManWithaBox
June 3rd, 2011, 03:36 AM
I doubt it. But thank you.

Love.Hate
June 3rd, 2011, 03:44 PM
hope matt.
That word i have been naggin you about for god knows how long.
You need to belive it will get better, then it will <3

MadManWithaBox
June 3rd, 2011, 04:07 PM
Hope is all I have. Depressing.

Sith Lord 13
June 4th, 2011, 02:52 PM
I doubt it. But thank you.

:hug: It does get better Matt, I promise. Not because of the time heals all wounds bullshit, but because you learn how to cope with it.

Hershey's Kisses
June 4th, 2011, 03:36 PM
Matt I promise things will get better . I know they will . It gets better , Matt . I have hope for you. There are people who care about you. I care about you and I know things will soon be better for you .

SosbanFach
June 4th, 2011, 03:38 PM
Just reading that shows how easily it can happen to anyone. Still, up north here we don't really get beggars on the streets. Perhaps they all go south, to London, Manchester etc. I won't say I can even begin to imagine what it feels like, but I hope it settles. I know it's not easy (lie, how can I) but try to forget it. You can't blame yourself. You were perpetrated, not a perpetrator. It wasn't your fault, and if I found myself in that situation, I would have panicked, and probably done something very similar to you.

MadManWithaBox
June 4th, 2011, 03:48 PM
The(only) reason I think it worked was because Liverpool and Birkenhead, Birkenhead specially, are swarming with homeless people. Easy to blend in if I kept my mouth shut.

Hershey's Kisses
June 5th, 2011, 07:10 AM
The(only) reason I think it worked was because Liverpool and Birkenhead, Birkenhead specially, are swarming with homeless people. Easy to blend in if I kept my mouth shut.

Matt sens me a private message .

MadManWithaBox
June 7th, 2011, 04:26 PM
Bad memories :/ keep me awake at night