Is This Weird?

[sarah newman]

So Basically, I Hate My Life.
I Was Sexually Abused Once.
I Got Dirty Messages From Elder People Numerous Amounts Of Times.
I Self Harmed A Year Ago, And Then Quit :)
But All I Do Now Is Think About How I Felt When I Cut.
It Felt So Nice..
So I Have Started To Wear Long Sleeved Jumpers And Things Like That To Cover My Arms Because That's The Place Where I Cut That Feels So Good. But I Haven't Even Cut. I Wear Them To See If My Parents Ask Me To Take It Off Because I Dont Want Them To Find Out In Case I Have Started Again.

The Thing Is I Have A Perfectly Fine Family. They Don't Treat Me Badly, They Treat Like A Normal Teenage Girl. So Why Do I Feel As If I Have To Hide Various Problems From Them?

Is This Normal? To Cover My Arms When I Haven't Even Cut?
Or Am I Going Insane Or "Attention Seeking" As People Would Say?
Because I Dont Know What Im Feeling Anymore :'(

[Fiction]

As far as hiding things from your parents goes, that's perfectly normal. Every teenager hides things from their parents, especially teenagers who self harm etc, regardless of how their parents treat them.

As for hiding your arms to see if your parents realise, i've never heard of anyone doing it before and i've never done it before but your reasoning makes sense, and I wouldn't say it's not normal.

Although you know that starting to self harm again isn't worth it. You know that it won't make anything better in the long run and will just mean that you can't wear short sleeves again. Think about it before starting again. If you've worked hard to stop once why would you want to start that again?

[sarah newman]

Because I have gone through so much lately and it seems like it's worthless to quit :(

[Forest Rose]

It's not weird. Like Fiction said, every teenager hides things from their parents and slef-harm is one thing most people who do it feel like they have to hide. It doesn't sound like you're attention seeking to me- attention seeking would be walking down the street naked. I don't think self-harm is attention seeking either- in most cases! I might think you were attention seeking if you self-harmed in front of me saying "Look at me! Look at me!" So no, not weird or attention seeking or insane.

You've been through a lot and I know the feeling of feeling like quitting won't really solve anything because in a way it takes your way of coping away- again like Fiction said, it's not worth self-harming, and in reality it doesn't really solve anything either, it just creates more problems...saying that I'm kind of hypocritical. Do you have anybody to talk to about everything making you feel this way? You're not alone xx

[sarah newman]

I don't have anyone to talk to :(
I feel so alone :(

[Love.Hate]

I think its pretty normal.. i know that i do it alot and my arms arent even that bad any more because i moved onto my thighs back in january. its a comfort thing.. also you kinda want someone to notice that something is up.. or show concern.
Dont feel alone, come and talk to me. Im pretty lonely half the time too. You have all of us on here to talk to.. dont forget that!

[sarah newman]

Thank you, I will message you now :)

[Forest Rose]

Love.Hate is right, don't feel alone! I'm sorry that you don't have anybody to talk to but don't forget that you have all of us to talk to :) And if things are hard for you to manage by yourself, have you thought about maybe confiding in somebody such as a school nurse or teacher, or maybe a friend or parent? Stay strong xx

[sarah newman]

Well, the thing is I have started a new school, and I thought this teacher hated me but once I broke down because I got frustrated and I was tired from working loads, and she really helped. I want to confide in her but I'm newish and it would-be weird.

[Magenta]

Work towards confiding with this teacher. Maybe write her a letter explaining how you thought she really helped and ask her if it would be okay to confide in her? Being new isn't a problem. You aren't new forever. :)

If you feel alone, my email, Skype and MSN are all accessible on my profile as well as PMing me. I reply as soon as I get them.

In the end, we can't stop you from starting to self-harm again but we can guide you in the right direction (we hope). If you've already been down that path, as everyone has said, you know the drill and what starting again will do.

[sarah newman]

I'm scared about her reaction, what she will do. She might think I'm crazy!
Okay, thank you, I will message you and I know what starting again will do but at the moment I feel as if that's my only option :(

[georgiamay]

I'm scared about her reaction, what she will do. She might think I'm crazy!
Okay, thank you, I will message you and I know what starting again will do but at the moment I feel as if that's my only option :(

Teachers have seen a lot of stuff, I'm sure she's seen similar things before. She won't think you're crazy, far from it. If she helped, I really think it would help if you did confide in her.

[sarah newman]

She thought it was her fault that I was upset, but she did help in a way. I just don't think i have the strength to confide in anyone yet because my parents said don't bring the past back and ruin there lives again :(

[georgiamay]

She thought it was her fault that I was upset, but she did help in a way. I just don't think i have the strength to confide in anyone yet because my parents said don't bring the past back and ruin there lives again :(

:hug:

If she's a decent person, she'll listen. Sometimes, just having someone there who is willing to sit down and listen to what you have to say is enough to make you feel a hell of a lot less alone. It'll be hard, yes, but it's better than suffering in silence, right?

[sarah newman]

Yes, I would love to confide in someone, and it would be much better then suffering in silence, but what If she's not a decent person? Yes, she was really nice at the time but what if she can't cope with my problems?

[Forest Rose]

It sounds like she's a decent person from everything you've said, and you're right, confiding in someone is so much better than suffering in silence. Of course it's always a possibility that she won't be able to cope with your problems but if that's the case, she might be able to tell you who you can go to who really can help you. :)

[sarah newman]

Yeah but I know she will say go see the school nurse, counsellor or someone I trust, and she might ring my parents and I don't want that to happen :(

[Forest Rose]

Could you try and go and see the school nurse? I've seen my school nurse a couple of times, and they're generally pretty nice and don't judge. They might help you work out something, or a way to get more help, and you can ask them before you admit anything to them if it will be confidential. Generally the rule is that they have to keep anything confidential unless you're at serious risk, e.g. if you admit to them that you have a suicide plan for the near future or something like that, in which case they obviously [I]have [I] to break confidentiality.

You could still try talking to the teacher but it is quite likely she will suggest that you go to see the school nurse, and she might even ring your parents if she thinks that's the best thing. How do you think your parents would react? Try to see the school nurse, it honestly might help and you've got nothing to lose trying :)

[sarah newman]

My parents will be dissappointed because I went down a similar road before and I can't do that to then again.
I'd rather have my family happy and suffer in silence then make all of us unhappy..