Distant Relationship= Disaster... Help!

[sarah newman]

So basically I'm 15 years old, and today is my boyfriends birthday and he has turned 18. We live 40 minutes away from each over.
I sent him a message saying happy birthday and he deleted it. Others were saying happy birthday babe and he was replying thanks gawjuss with loads of hearts and kisses- and stuff like that.
Another thing you should know- he wants our relationship secret- if I tell anyone we are over.
I send him messages and he never replies, but he does to other girls- my age! It's like when he get bored he talks to me, and when he's occupied he blanks me. We weren't gunna date just yer because he said he didn't wanna hurt me, but then he asked me out and we were really close at the time. I keep in getting a gut feeling he might be cheating on me. He doesn't understand, he doesn't wanna hurt me but what's he doing now?
I think I deserve better but I really care about him and love him, but if I split up then this would be the 3rd time my heart has been broken. If I do break up with him how can I get over this? What are your opinions on this?

[DerBear]

relationships at a distant never do work out

but if he really cared about you he would make the effort 40mins is long but not impossible to beat i think that you 2 should conider the brake up option u never see each other theirs a slight age diffrence and he does not seem to intrested i would consider this and then your options but its up to you

also to get over him just take iit slow 1 day at a time

[Kaius]

relationships at a distant never do work out

You can't generalize. Fair enough most don't but some do.

It sounds to me like he's hiding something. Thats usually the case when someone tries to keep their relationship a secret. I'm not saying hes cheating on you but something isn't quite right there. How long have you been dating for? To be honest I think It might be work thinking about breaking up with him, if he's not prepared to have a proper relationship with you or bother to keep up his side of it theres not much use to it. You deserve better than that, anyone would.

[sarah newman]

Thank you for the inputs, there much appreciated.
The thing is I thought it weren't working before so I sent him a long message saying I cant do this and to hope to stay friends, and I never got a reply. Then weeks later he started talking to me saying he never got any messages after I asked him if he got them. I started dating him in the middle of February, and then I sent him the long message in the beginning of April. Then we got talking in the middle to the end of April, and this is when he asked me to send him pics of me naked and I said no, then he broke up with me because he thought I didn't trust him. So I had such a broken heart round then and then he started talking to me the middle of may and he said he forgave me!! I couldn't be bothered to argue so I went along with it, then we both decided to try again. And now I'm lost with it all :/ I think deep down that I should split up with him, because last night was his birthday party and I keep on thinking that he might of got with someone. The first time I had my heart broken was when my boyfriend sexually assaulted me, the second was when this
24 year old showed an interest on me and stupid me thought it could work out, and then said his girlfriend and him never broke up and he thought they did, and now the 3rd time is this? I don't think I can take it anymore... :(

[moon_lit_angel]

sarah, first of ye are only 40 minutes apart so its not that long a distance. me and my ex live 2 and a half hrs apart and only saw each other once every 3 weeks. now i thought the same as you and pulled him up on it and of course he said no but sarah you have to try get on his facebook or whatever he has and see if he's got messages from other girls etc. plus if he doesnt want your relationship public then thats a sure sign he's cheating on you. mine was the same.. doesnt want it public i read his messages and stuff and he was cheating on me. plus i've been brokenhearted like 5 times now. it doesnt get any easier. you cant get over him quick, its just going to take its time.

[DerBear]

sorry i meant that long distant relationships with regular visits ect ect work out but ussualy long distance relationships never do work out without contact

[sarah newman]

I looked on his Facebook wall and that's where i saw all these messages and he doesn't even bother to talk to me :( and he changed his profile pic to him hugging two girls, I know it's just a hug but still :(

[moon_lit_angel]

sarah i mean as in his private messages..!!! hold on i'll pm you k

[DerBear]

I looked on his Facebook wall and that's where i saw all these messages and he doesn't even bother to talk to me :( and he changed his profile pic to him hugging two girls, I know it's just a hug but still :(

i think it is time u end it or talk in person i mean he seems he might be cheating on you

[Travis_123]

I'm in a long distance relationship now, she lives in prague (czech republic) and I live in Belgium. We've been together for over a year now and everything is working out fine :-) I think the problem in your relationship is that you don't have a clear view on it. And you don't have any positive prospects neither.. I know that my gf is coming to study with me in a few months..(so it's something to look forward to).
In (long) distance relationship full trust and positive prospects are really important. If you don't trust him and he doesn't take care of you and wants to keep it all secret, well sorry.. but then it wont work out.
I understand that you love him and would feel hurt when breaking up, but maybe you're better of without him? Unless something changes in your relationship it won't work..

[DerBear]

I'm in a long distance relationship now, she lives in prague (czech republic) and I live in Belgium. We've been together for over a year now and everything is working out fine :-) I think the problem in your relationship is that you don't have a clear view on it. And you don't have any positive prospects neither.. I know that my gf is coming to study with me in a few months..(so it's something to look forward to).
In (long) distance relationship full trust and positive prospects are really important. If you don't trust him and he doesn't take care of you and wants to keep it all secret, well sorry.. but then it wont work out.
I understand that you love him and would feel hurt when breaking up, but maybe you're better of without him? Unless something changes in your relationship it won't work..

i agree with you and well good luck with you relationship

[Dunce]

Well, 40 minutes isnt that far. I know a couple that lived 4 hours apart when they started dating, 5 years later they moved in together. It worked brilliantly. So some long distance relationships do work.

But seeing as you arent actually that far apart I don't think it's the distance that's the problem, it's him. If you lived five minutes away from him he'd probably be doing the same. He's treating you like crap, and probably using the distance as an excuse. No matter how little you see each other he shouldn't be doing this.

[sarah newman]

I know your all right.
The thing is i can't look at his private messages because he won't give me his password which makes me even more curious.
I think breaking up with him is the best thing :(

[anonymous53]

relationships at a distant never do work out


I'm going to have to argue that comment. My girlfriend and I (2 hours apart) are celebrating our 6 month in a week.


Onto Sarah.

Dump him, really. If he's not giving you the attention you want or need then it's time to move on because you're not happy. It seems like he's trying to keep you a secret because of your age, but there might be alternate motives. Such as he's dating someone, but you're his girlfriend on the side. I know it sounds fucked up, but people do it. I'd say stop wasting your time on this guy and fine someone worth the time and effort you're willing to put into the relationship.

[sarah newman]

Thank you, I know what I got to do :(
Wish me luck :S

[anonymous53]

Good luck, you'll be fine.

He didn't even invite you to his birthday party? That's fucked up. Pardon my language. That shows something is really wrong.

[sarah newman]

He did, but I chose not to go because transport and it was at midnight and I know he will ditch me and see the other girls.

[DerBear]

to be honest i think you both are to blame the boyfreind is more and u get a small portion of it as you both say its long distance 40 mins is not really anything compared to 5 hours miles ect ect

if u both wanted to you could of maid the effort to see each other

p.s i know this comment is kinda harsh but its my opinon overall

[sarah newman]

I don't find it harsh at all. I mean, it's your opinion, thank you for your input.

The thing is I try and plan to see him, I am all for seeing him but he always says hes busy at the last minute or he just ignores my messages altogether.
I don't find 40 minutes long, but it is frustrating that Im usually the one who has to go to him, he never bothers to come and see me.

[DerBear]

well to be honest it seems to me that u put all the effort in and he does very little

i think the 40min distance can play a toll on the relationship as u do not see each other every day ect

just wondering how did you 2 meet?

[sarah newman]

Well, we went to the same secondary school, and he added me on Facebook, and then I moved schools and he started talking to me and it went from there

I am gunna split up with him, I don't deserve what he's offering.
Please do not double post, use the edit button- Fiction

[DerBear]

if you do brake up dont belive when he says he wants u back and he will change

just wont work and its easy to fall for that

[sarah newman]

if you do brake up dont belive when he says he wants u back and he will change

just wont work and its easy to fall for that

Okay, thanks

[Grayeyes]

Ask him directly why he wants to keep your relationship secret.

If he gives you a good answer then, who am I to say other wise?

If he gives you a bad answer like: "I just don't want others to know about us" or "Don't ask me again" or something like that, something is definitely wrong and worse case scenario, you'll just have to leave him.

Yes, it would hurt. Break ups always hurt. but, if you stay with him even longer with the way he's treating you, doesn't that hurt too?
It hurts more if you would stay with someone who doesn't treat you well than to find someone who does.
Do it for you.

(This is if he has no good reason for keeping your relationship secret...)

[sarah newman]

Okay thanks :)
Me and him sorted it out, we have split up because he was cheating on me with 3 other girls and he told them to keep the relationship secret to. I went to see him about it and he became violent towards me. So we have split.
And tbh I am gutted but I know it's for the best as I don't deserve to be treated that way.

[HellHound]

Let the guy go,he is an idiot.He thinks of you as a "when i'm bored we can talk" friend.He's 18,of course he cheated on,he uses you as a second option.Take my advice and go find a nice guy :)

[kyle95]

This is a toxic and one-way relationship - get out of it. It'll only lead to more head games, deception and heartbreak. You want a bloke that's proud to show you off and loves you unconditionally. He's on a disastrous path. You're lucky you can spot the warning signs - now heed them!

[sarah newman]

Thanks (: