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View Full Version : i just want to be able to be myself


Rubber
May 27th, 2011, 09:50 PM
so recently i found out i have social anxiety. Infact, i didnt even know it existed before. i would go to my doctor for an offcial diagnosis, but because of my anxiety, i feel like i cant tell anyone and im really scared to. Anyways i think ive had it ever since i was in preschool. theres been MANY up's and down's to it during the years, but my early childhood was defintely the worst of it. Get ready cause its going to get reallly long

so in Preschool, all the teachers would worry about me. Why? because throughout the whole year i would not utter a single word, not make a single sound, not ask a single question. I think behind my backs my teachers talked to my mom about it. Anyways i wouldnt reli consider myself to have any friends back then. I mean i would have kids who my mom basically forced my to play with. But i was always silent and tried to have as little contact as possible. This cycle continued all the way until about 3rd grade. Yep. From Pre-k to 3rd grade i never uttered a word in school. When i finally did, my teacher made me go around the school saying "hi" to all my previous teachers. My kindergarden teacher was so happy she actually stood up on a table and started dancing in joy. So for the rest of elementary school i was still VERY shy. I got zero's in music class obviously because i didnt sing :(. i was shy, but not completely and was able to make a few friends.

The highlight of my social life, and low point at the same time, was middle school. I talked much more than i used to, but only to people i considered friends. Still barely to my techers, and dreaded disappoiting people, and when i did would feel bad about it for days. I STILL feel bad about almost messing up someones dumb middleschool relationship! Anyways i had a decent amount of friends and all was good in school. But once that bell rang, it was back to solitude. I reli did want to do things outside of school but was so afraid to just ask. It was just like a worse fear. So i only actually hung out with friends in middle school about 10-15 times i would say, for the whole three years. Yep, it was the best of times, it was the worse of times.

Now im in my sophmore year of HS, and i feel like im treading back into my elementary school days. Ive had so many ups and downs. Freshman year was VERY bad, and i was actually depressed for most of that year. Sophmore year my social life drastically improved. i finally got the courgae to ask to hang out with friends, and i started going to parties. For a few months i drank and smoked whenever i got the chance. There was just one problem. I was doing that for all the wrong reasons. During parties i felt so out of place i felt i HAD to do that stuff to even communicate or have fun. Eventually i got out of that trap before i got into deep, and ive been sober for several months. recently during my sobreity i went to a party and didnt do anything. I talked to about two ppl tht whole hour, pretended to be preoccupied with my ipod and phone, and just sat there watching beer pong. Eventually i just couldnt take it anymore cuz i felt ppl were judging me for not talking and just sitting and having a frightned expression on my face. I left and walked home, even forgetting about the friend i promised i wuld walk home with. i feel like im spiraling downward. First off, in half my classes, i have never raised my hand EVER. Just like in elementary. And when my teachers call on me, my heart litereally jumps up and i say some partially correct answer, even though i knew the right one. a few months ago i had an anxiety attack after giving a speech, and culdnt speak right or stop fidgeting for a few hours.

I just wish i could be myself and stop hiding. I want to one day not always think people are judging and watching me. I want to one day actually have some kind of intimate relationship. Ive only kissed a girl once, mainly because i an too scared to make any type of move ever. People try to be friends with me all the time, and basically throw themselves at me, but i always just turn away, and dont look them in the eye, because i cant. I missed out of so many opportunities because of this. Even right now im sitting at home alone when i could be at a party i was invited to. Im only in one club, even though i would like to be in more, and i just so want to be able to say "hi" to ppl in the hallway, and after i do it, not feel i did something wrong. Is anyone else like this? And how do they deal with this. Im really worried about mi future. How will i ever be able to do a college interview? A job interview? Talk to a girl and NOT be just friends? Thanks to those who read my whole post. Just getting this whole story out has made me feel sort of better actually.

EarthToBryan
May 28th, 2011, 11:16 AM
Solitude is a subject in which I have great experience. I had one friend my childhood until 3rd grade, then I had none. I lived 50 miles away from any outside contact. The only person I talked to for months straight (that wasn't over 45) was my brother, and even though we only had each other we still don't like eachother. I have had very intense bouts of depression my whole life, among many other issues and have only started to recognize them. I haven't ever been good friends with someone else, so loneliness is really the only thing I know. I guess it isn't as bad as if I had something to contrast it with, but it definitely isn't healthy.

I don't really know how to be myself, so I just mimic what everyone else does. Social anxiety sucks. What I do know, though, is that people don't judge you too harshly. They kind of label you as "that shy guy" but labels can be removed as easily as they can be applied. I don't have an easy answer of how to get over social anxiety, but I know that you don't HAVE to be afraid to talk to people. Set a goal every day, write it down, like "say hi to 3 people", or ask someone about their class schedule or music tastes. Most people are socially flexible and will try to be sensitive to your anxiety, at least I would. Try to talk to the kind of people that stick out as outgoing and very nice, they are the most flexible, in my experience. Something that helped me to get over anxiety was starting a youtube account. It let me say what I wanted without anyone I know finding out about it. Also talking on omeagle, or chat roulette helped me (DONT DO THIS IF YOU ARE FAINT OF HEART, many people *ahem* "show off" a bit too much of their selves here) if you find the right people you can get into some really interesting conversations with them. The best part of talking here is that you can just leave if you get too nervous.
I hope this can help you out a bit! :)