Deep End

[Syvelocin]

Jay didn't exactly take it well. He knew about her. But I think it didn't pose as much of a threat to him as it might have if it were another man. But it's like he wasn't expecting this.

I feel like I've lost my best friend. That's what he was. Two and a half years. Of course, that wasn't a straight two and a half years. Nope, this isn't the first time this shit has happened to me. So, yeah, technically, I've hurt him like this a second time. And I feel like a bitch really.

I can't sleep. Whether it's this, my insomnia, not being used to sleeping on a fucking sofa, or some combination of those, I don't know.

There are three things I'm thinking about now. His well-being, what I'm going to do, and how this will ever get settled. So for my first concern, what I'm worried about, is that he'll go back to crack. That's, ultimately, the worst of my worries. Second, I'm the one with the established job. Even if that job is at Starbucks.

I think how I'm going to go about this, I'll suck it up and go to work tomorrow, then have Liz pick me up or something. I don't think anyone else would take me. I've phoned her already though, and after the pity party she offered to let me move in.

And finally, the hassle this process will be. I don't want to go to court. We aren't going straight to the divorce though. I'll just... leave for a while. But we'll try to work out everything. I can't afford a lawyer anyway. So probably I'd get what I brought, he'd keep his stuff. The only issue is Lindsey. We have three cats. Mistofelees, Anabelle, and Lindsey. Miz is mine, Ana is his. We got Lindsey in December though. I worry that we won't be able to settle that, or that I just won't end up getting her.

:sigh: Is it appropriate to say FML to this? It isn't a term I use too often. It's the first thing that popped into my head here though.

[Kaius]

Well im thinking this is a follow on to the thread you made a few months ago? Tbf he's gonna be hurt, anyone that can say they love you is gonna be seriously hurt in this type of situation, but as they say you can't help who you fall for. The best thing to do at the moment Rith is to try and get your thoughts down on paper, and in the morning talk through things with Jay when there isn't an elephant in the room (Tension :P).

A lot is going to go be going through his head at the moment, so try to keep it simple. If he asks questions, answer them as best you can. Honesty is the best answer and he may actually come to trust you a little bit more about the situation. Let him know how much he means to you, obviously as a best friend. That he hasn't just been dropped, you still want him around. Reassurance might not go down well at first, but it will eventually. Is there anyway you can still live at home with him? Try and keep an eye on him and sort this out, or do you think it would be a bit too much for him to cope with?

[Love.Hate]

He is going to be hurt, understandably. But if he really loves you then he will learn to let go, and let you be you. I know its hard, and there will be a few more months of feeling bad for him, and worring.

You are doing what is best, you have found out who you really are. And its not fair to inflict more hurt on Jay because he knows your not happy. I think when you talk to him about living arragements, cats, money etc.. Get his point of view. He is going to need just as much support in this as you. Keep calm, and be rational.

Aarons right, Make him know that you dont want to just drop him, tell him you want to still be friends and keep in contact. Your in a hard situation, but give it time. These things take time to resolve. If your worried about the drugs maybe tell him? Then at least it will reasurre him you still care and he might be more inclined to open up to you. Could you not get him support?