I'm fucking terrified of dying

[MadManWithaBox]

I'm scared of dying. Im terrified. I'm so scared of it it's all I can think about. I don't want to die. Please don't let me die. Please. Anyone. God. Whatever. I'm never asked for anything before. Just let me live. Il beg if you want me to il do anything you want il get raped again il get stabbed again il take another 16 years of abuse. Please.

[SimSailorNick]

Just as long as you stay safe and stay healthy, i'm sure you're gonna live. :D

[MadManWithaBox]

No I won't. I'm dying. Im living on limited time.

[Love.Hate]

Matt why dont you fight it then? Give yourself a chance of survival. I know you dont want to get weak and frail, but if your terriffied why commit yourself to that fate?

[georgiamay]

Everyone is afraid of dying on some level. I used to stay awake half the night crying because I didn't want to die when I was about 6 or 7, it scared the shit out of me.
Then I realised that when I finally did die, I would have spent my entire life worrying about dying. That's not really much of a life, is it? Fill your time with things that you enjoy to keep your mind on something else, and make sure you're living life to the full.

And like Fran said, if you don't want to die, don't let it get to that stage yet. Get the treatment and you could survive it.

[anonymous53]

Matt. Fight it. If you're scared of it, fight it :)
You still have a 40% chance( Last I saw)
That's actually VERY high chances.
You can do it. My uncle had cancer, he had a 10% of living. He's now in remission because he didn't give up. Comon Matt :hug:

[MadManWithaBox]

What if I lose?

[anonymous53]

If you lose. You die.
I've got to be blunt with that one. This is why you can't lose. So FIGHT. :hug:

[Triceratops]

If you allow the bad to outweigh the good, then you're set to fail.

Matt, please go ahead with the treatment. For your sake and for others around you. It could be the best decision you've ever made. Also, knowing that you didn't take the opportunity to make things better for yourself when you had the chance will only come back haunt you if things do turn really, really bad for you later down the line.

[MadManWithaBox]

To be quite honest, I don't know if I can make this decision. I can feel the self control I've had on my mind since this happened slippinf. The only thing stopping me from slitting my wrists, or jumping off a bridge right now, is that I don't want to leave my friend like that, he deserves better.

[Azunite]

Well this is a different perspective, but...

I saw on your earlier threads that you have almost a year. And you refused to take any medication because you don't want to live that twelve months in a hospital, even if there is a chance to survive.

If I were you, I'd also refuse it. Even if I knew that I would regret it few months later. Even if I knew that I would fear death few months later.

40% percent is high indeed, but guarantees nothing. Maybe I am just letting your morale sink because of what I am saying but you needed other advices too.

This will sound absurd and way too philosophic but, since the treatment isn't the guaranteed solution, seize the day.

From now on there are no limits. If I were you, I wouldn't go to school, hang out all the day. Just don't get stucked in your room. Travel, meet new people. Even if it is short, "living" your life is better than spending your time in a hospital.

Most of you will think that I am trolling or things like that but I don't.

Eventually, it will be the greater victory when you forget about death and enjoy your life.
Conquer your fear, and then you will also conquer death. ~Alexander the Great

[Triceratops]

Well this is a different perspective, but...

I saw on your earlier threads that you have almost a year. And you refused to take any medication because you don't want to live that twelve months in a hospital, even if there is a chance to survive.

If I were you, I'd also refuse it. Even if I knew that I would regret it few months later. Even if I knew that I would fear death few months later.

40% percent is high indeed, but guarantees nothing. Maybe I am just letting your morale sink because of what I am saying but you needed other advices too.

This will sound absurd and way too philosophic but, since the treatment isn't the guaranteed solution, seize the day.

From now on there are no limits. If I were you, I wouldn't go to school, hang out all the day. Just don't get stucked in your room. Travel, meet new people. Even if it is short, "living" your life is better than spending your time in a hospital.

Most of you will think that I am trolling or things like that but I don't.

Eventually, it will be the greater victory when you forget about death and enjoy your life.
Conquer your fear, and then you will also conquer fate. ~Alexander the Great

You have made a very good point.

Also, living several months to the fullest is so much more valuable than living an entire lifetime doing absolutely nothing. I would literally do whatever the fuck I wanted for the remaining time I had left, and that way I would die a very happy person. There are two sides to this, but in the end it's down to you to decide and nobody else. Do what you think will make you happier.

[MadManWithaBox]

I know I don't want to die. And I know I would use my time well. If I take the treatment, I have to cancel/rearrange my 6 week trip to America. And Id have to start my job/university when I'm 18.

[bleedoutlove]

But you can always re arrange that trip to America. If you survive, by taking the treatment which would be a 2 in 5 chance, you have many more years ahead of you to travel to where ever your heart desires. Don't limit your time, if you can help it.

[EarthToBryan]

Hey, Matt. I don't want you to die either. I can't make the decision for you, but I think that fighting at least gives you a chance. If you don't fight it you will die, it's hard to think about let alone accept but it will happen if you don't take the treatment. I don't want to make you feel even worse, but not taking the chance could hurt your friend more than giving in. I know it will be hard, I know it won't be fun, I know it will fucking suck, but nothing sucks worse than being dead. If you fight with all your strength you have a good chance of getting past it. You have gone through hell time and time again, and you know that it was worth it or else you wouldn't be here. This is your only chance for life, take it.

And about having to start university at 18, screw the university until you are good and ready to go. You have freaking brain cancer, for god's sake! Don't go until you are good and ready. It's your life, use it to your advantage.

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
~Franklin D. Roosevelt