Not doing well

[Nevermore]

I almost lost my sister yesterday. That's the reason why I'm back, I'll only be here for a short time more, before I myself go to the psychiatric hospital in my area. My sister just had a pretty massive surgery so I'm here with her at the hospital and while she sleeps well I'll be on here. She lost over half her blood she's supposed to. Apparently it was more then usual loss for this surgery, and she's anemic. I'm just waiting here for her to get her second blood transfusion, I feel so helpless. She wakes up cries, can't eat, she's nauseous. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I don't want to be selfish, she needs me, but this is extremely hard for me to handle. I'm watching her wither away, my little sister, and I can't do anything. She's my sister, my closest friend, my everything. I know we don't get along much, and we fight a heck of a lot, but we adopted her because I wanted a sister. And we're really close. I can't lose her, and it breaks my heart seeing her like this. She said the sweetest thing to me the other day when visiting hours were over and I had to leave. I told her I'm going to be back tomorrow. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes, which were barely opened because of the amount of drugs she's on and says no, don't come tomorrow, I don't want you to leave. It's hard to sit her next to her and not cry with her. So many times I've almost lost my cool in this place. I've tried decorating her room and getting her things to cheer her up, she likes this one Japanese ice cream, that I'm going to look all over for tonight. Because she refuses to eat and drink. I just want her to be happy and pain free. She doesn't deserve this. She's so drugged and just physically a mess, and I'm so worried about her. I love her so much and I really just can't lose her. Coming to this hospital is hell because I know what I'm going to see everyday, her progressively getting worse and worse. Which has been happening this is day 3 after her surgery. Oh and she's 11. I just don't know how much pain medication and pain she can possibly take. Now she's supposedly getting her period because that's what the surgery causes and constipation which means more pain from there as well as 2 metal rods in her back with all the movement of the mussel and vertebrates. She's been stuck countlessly with needles. I'm sorry if this is out of order or I'm not making sense, my mind is truly scattered. I'm a mess. My boyfriend has to drive me home from the hospital everyday because I can't stay because only my parents can spend the night, and well that's even worse because she wants me there. Not only does she want me there but I want to be there for her. She calls for me apparently in the night and morning wondering where I am. It just breaks my heart and I feel like I"m going to break because of this. I can't handle seeing her like this, I really can't and I'm trying for her. Because I know that's what she would want, but I really can't cope with this. I've been trying my hardest to eat, and not to self injure, but I'm losing it. I'm hallucinating more and hearing voices more often. Probably because I stopped my medications because one got stuck in my throat and burned it pretty badly to the point I kept throwing up. So now I'm paranoid to take them again. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel so helpless. :'(

[Spook]

I'm so sorry to hear that, Sammy. The best thing you can do right now is be there for your sister. It's a tough time, and I know it seems like you have nobody you can lean on, but she really needs you. I can't imagine what you are going through and I cant put together the words...but...I will pray for you and your sister tonight. You be there for her. :)

*hugz* PM me if you want to talk.

[Nevermore]

Thank you Caitlin I really appreciate it. :) I will be here for here always. <3 She does need me and that's what's important.

[anonymous53]

:hug: I'm sorry Sammy.... I hope she'll be okay.
I'm glad you're there for her. You go get that Japanese icecream :) If you need to come up to Assi out here, I'm sure they have it. It's an asian market near my house.

[Syvelocin]

That broke my heart :(

I'm sorry. I can't imagine having to go through that with one of my siblings. My brother had a bit of an ear surgery a couple years ago because his ears wouldn't drain fluids and so he had to have the little tubes inserted into his ear canal... it wasn't even close to that of course. But I know it's hard to see them like that. I hope she gets better and I hope you feel better as well. :hug:

[Nevermore]

Thank you all. And Rob haha I might!
Rith I"m sorry about your brother.
She's out of the hospital and is alive, now she's in pain still but recovering safetly at home. <3

[Travis_123]

Good news that she is at home, I hope she will get better soon. I understand how you feel. A few months ago my grandmother suddenly died, I visited her the night before when she was in coma.. My grandfather has been in hospital for 6 months now.. it's hard to see him in sadness, he misses his wife and best friend, my grandmother.. It's amazing how life changes so fast; less than 1 one year ago i was visiting them for coffee and playing card games, unfortunately everything changed.. Ofcourse i understand a sister is closer, but i understand a bit what you feel.. I wish you a lot of strength and courage! x
If you would feel a need to talk to someone, don't hessitate to contact me..

[MadManWithaBox]

Good news then Sammy :) I'm glad she's ok.

[Nevermore]

Thank you Travis and Matt. Yes very good news indeed and so am I. :)

[Love.Hate]

She's out of the hospital and is alive, now she's in pain still but recovering safetly at home. <3

Im really glad she is okay, its horrible when something happens to a family member. Just keep giving her lots of love i hope she feel better soon :)

[Travis_123]

You're very welcome! Well i'm off to bed:p it's already past midnight here.. If you'd once be in the mood to talk or need some help; my yahoo is on my profile. Good night!

[Fiction]

That's a lot to go through Sammy. My llittle sister is 11 too and although we don't get on all the time I don't know what i'd do if I as in your situation.

The fact you're trying hard to stay strong for her just shows what a strong person you really are. You only really find out how strong you are when there is no other option but to be strong.

I'm glad she's home and safe and I hope you're feeling better too :hug:

[anonymous53]

Thank you Travis and Matt. Yes very good news indeed and so am I. :)

Yay :hug: