Days, Weeks, Months... hours....

[Alexithymia]

Well, it seems like I can't keep track anymore. Some may say that's good, but I don't know... I just know that it's been a while, and the urge is back. I say my average is a few days now. But sometimes it's only hours that I can manage. Others is nearly two weeks (currently).

Recently, the weather has been like it was when my cutting was the worse. The air comes into your throat cold, but not too cold that it hurts. Your breath just almost fogs, but it doesn't quite. The ground is just starting to get hard. I'm not sure what to do. The urges are making me collapse every time, but I never have a razor nearby.

But it's hard. I'm not nearly as self destructive as I was. I want to, desperately, but the urges aren't trying to convince me otherwise right now.

I suppose this post was pointless. I guess just a check up. I mean, advice would be great because I honestly have no fucking clue what to do. I'm just tired of this.

[Magenta]

The urges will never leave. They will only become duller because you realize you're above the self harm. You are doing so well. No one will say otherwise. You are so strong to have come this far and you can get past these urges. I know how even a couple weeks can feel like a lifetime. You can do it.

*hugs*

I'm proud of you, Mark.

[Fiction]

Stopping cutting is always going to be hard, but the urges will lessen and evetually go, but to do that you have to get through the hard part first.

You've got so far and you're nearly there, you give up now then you have to go through all of that again at some point. You know it's not worth it. You know that cutting will not help you in the long run.

You know where I am if you need me :hug: