Spook
May 15th, 2011, 05:02 PM
Oh, VT. I'm so glad I FINALLY get your warm glowing green motto to myself. I have been working ALL day, and my legs feel like jelly. Anyways, I have a current issue, and one that haqppened yesterday.
Yesterday: My friend and I went to the mall and I bought shorts and a string bikini. When I got home and showed my mom, she flipped. "A string bikini???? You're gonna look like a prostitute with that on! I don't know what you act like when we're not around. You're like...a whore?" She said. I flipped out when my own MOM called me a WHORE. :mad: My dad started getting mad at me also for not answering my phone at the mall when I could SEE him driving up to the entrance. So...he's not gonna drive me to any more "events". So, back on topic. My mom told me to do jumping jacks, dance crazily, then run across the room, so she could see if the bikini would hold. It did. Then she pulled one of the triangles and just exposed my boob IN FRONT OF MY DAD. I was like, "Mom!" Then she goes on about that is what boys will do at the pool, and blah blah blah. Okay so NEXT, she asks: "Have you ever seen girls walking around the pool wearing those things?" I say yes, because ALL the girls at the pool wear that. She sends me to bed, and I grab my hairbrush and throw it at the wall. I felt like picking up a sharp blade and dragging it across my wrist. Instead, I find a permanent paint marker, and write WHORE across my wrist. I sit for a while crying and staring into space, thinking how they would discard me just like they did my two other mentally ill siblings. I felt like a freak. I went into the bathroom and scrubbed the words off until my wrist was red and vein was throbbing. Then, I cried myself to sleep.
I just remembered. Another off-topic story, but something I am scared about as well.
If you have read my other posts, you know about Nikhil. So...the other day Naomi and I went to her house to get popsicles, and her brother Nikhil was there. He said "get out." To me, and I said "Kiss my ass." then left. He came out and was all angel-so-innocent and was like "Why would you say something like that?" I was just silent, then he went, "Hoe. You little black hoe. Thats why, huh? Nobody wanted you. Nobody wants you. Whore." I kicked the door open, almost hitting him, then screamed at the top of my lungs: "Fuck you bitch!" Then ran off, sobbing. My friend followed behind. I hated him, and I hate him. I always will. That time, as well, I wanted to pick up something and harm. I took a stick, and dragged and pushed, but I couldn't do much with it, then I tossed it. I just was too much of a wimp. I couldn't just drag and do it. And here's the thing...when I was doing that, I was thinking of VT. About the people on here, and that is what made me want to do it. I don't know why. :(
So here's the thing that happened today: I got a yeast infection. I told my mom, and she asked me if I was sticking things inside myself. I was like, "Ew! No." (Of yourse that's not true, but. :D) So then she asked if I was wiping from front to back. I was like, "Yeah." Then she said she wanted to see me do it, just to make sure. My face almost set on fire. "NO!" I said. I feel like I have a right to privacy, and my mom shouldn't WATCH me on the crapper. I was sooo embarassed. She still said, "I don't care what my daughter's (thing) looks like. I just wanna make sure you are doing it right." I didn't talk about it with her any more today. I'm not doing it. >:I
Anyways, this was mostly a rant, but...I want to know 2 things.
1. Why did I think of VT?
~and~
2. Is my mom being inappropriate?
Thanks, guys. :yes:
Yesterday: My friend and I went to the mall and I bought shorts and a string bikini. When I got home and showed my mom, she flipped. "A string bikini???? You're gonna look like a prostitute with that on! I don't know what you act like when we're not around. You're like...a whore?" She said. I flipped out when my own MOM called me a WHORE. :mad: My dad started getting mad at me also for not answering my phone at the mall when I could SEE him driving up to the entrance. So...he's not gonna drive me to any more "events". So, back on topic. My mom told me to do jumping jacks, dance crazily, then run across the room, so she could see if the bikini would hold. It did. Then she pulled one of the triangles and just exposed my boob IN FRONT OF MY DAD. I was like, "Mom!" Then she goes on about that is what boys will do at the pool, and blah blah blah. Okay so NEXT, she asks: "Have you ever seen girls walking around the pool wearing those things?" I say yes, because ALL the girls at the pool wear that. She sends me to bed, and I grab my hairbrush and throw it at the wall. I felt like picking up a sharp blade and dragging it across my wrist. Instead, I find a permanent paint marker, and write WHORE across my wrist. I sit for a while crying and staring into space, thinking how they would discard me just like they did my two other mentally ill siblings. I felt like a freak. I went into the bathroom and scrubbed the words off until my wrist was red and vein was throbbing. Then, I cried myself to sleep.
I just remembered. Another off-topic story, but something I am scared about as well.
If you have read my other posts, you know about Nikhil. So...the other day Naomi and I went to her house to get popsicles, and her brother Nikhil was there. He said "get out." To me, and I said "Kiss my ass." then left. He came out and was all angel-so-innocent and was like "Why would you say something like that?" I was just silent, then he went, "Hoe. You little black hoe. Thats why, huh? Nobody wanted you. Nobody wants you. Whore." I kicked the door open, almost hitting him, then screamed at the top of my lungs: "Fuck you bitch!" Then ran off, sobbing. My friend followed behind. I hated him, and I hate him. I always will. That time, as well, I wanted to pick up something and harm. I took a stick, and dragged and pushed, but I couldn't do much with it, then I tossed it. I just was too much of a wimp. I couldn't just drag and do it. And here's the thing...when I was doing that, I was thinking of VT. About the people on here, and that is what made me want to do it. I don't know why. :(
So here's the thing that happened today: I got a yeast infection. I told my mom, and she asked me if I was sticking things inside myself. I was like, "Ew! No." (Of yourse that's not true, but. :D) So then she asked if I was wiping from front to back. I was like, "Yeah." Then she said she wanted to see me do it, just to make sure. My face almost set on fire. "NO!" I said. I feel like I have a right to privacy, and my mom shouldn't WATCH me on the crapper. I was sooo embarassed. She still said, "I don't care what my daughter's (thing) looks like. I just wanna make sure you are doing it right." I didn't talk about it with her any more today. I'm not doing it. >:I
Anyways, this was mostly a rant, but...I want to know 2 things.
1. Why did I think of VT?
~and~
2. Is my mom being inappropriate?
Thanks, guys. :yes: