A tale of two Friends (excuse the really bad title)

[DifferentTides]

Hi, i haven't logged in for awhile, but since the last time i've posted a lot has changed.

So currently i feel i am at a crossroads.

Here's the story. Lately i have felt really depressed, having a really negative view on things, as usually I am seen and i know i am the optimist. During that time, i was having an internal struggle to know who my real good and best friends were. I found out before this episode which has been going on for more than a month that the person who i believed i thought to be my best friend did not feel the same. It felt like someone had just smashed my glass heart. I placed a lot of trust and myself into him, and he says that i caan still count on him when my trouble and stuff happens for support.... except that is the thing, he hasn't be there at all. He'd much rather hang around where it is interesting and fun. And ever since then, i have felt a sort of rift between us, because 1. I couldn't meet that expectation at that time. 2. We don't hang together as much (he said he wanted me to back off a bit sometimes) 2. It was always awkward when i was with him, and when i wanted to talk i felt this mental block coming on. and 3. I felt i have been betrayed.

I honestly felt as if i could no longer trust anyone anymore, and that i was simply destined to be alone (yes time to pull out the tissues). He didn't seem to care about me anymore.

However, during that time I didn't lose all hope. I had known this other person, someone who i had more classes with, someone who was interested in me as a person and could always have a chat with. During those times when I was alone, he would always be there first person to come up and do something small (which is all i needed) like a pat on the back, telling me not to be so sad (in a friendly and joking manner), and asking what was up, and getting into random conversation. The "best friend" was no where to be seen. And more and more, I started to become better friends with this person. I could do the small talk, the normal and interests talk, and personal as well with him. "best friend" i could only do the small talk and a bit of the personal. Then about 2 days ago, something triggered a major depressive moment. At the time when i need my "best friend" the most, I was left alone. I even purposely when this was happening would be sitting with him hoping he would notice.... nothing. I felt as if i had been betrayed, and i knew that this was not the only time. I felt anger, despair, loss and all those types of things, and i simply departed myself from the group for awhile and went to the bathroom by myself the cry and pull myself together. When i returned, i tried to re-enter the group conversation, but i could only manage to do it for a few minutes then left again to be by myself. My "best friend" had left to hang out with other people. I felt so alone. Then so i stumbled upon a little thumb pin... i wanted to do self-harm. This was a completly new stage for me, i had always known that it could almost achieve nothing but pain, but that is what i wanted i guess. I never got to far, i would only start to draw the pin along my wrist and press it down, hoping something would happen. I couldn't bring myself to go all the way. I stopped, then a few minutes later that guy who i had been making better friends with asked what was wrong, and if i was ok. And suddenly, it became so clear to me. The solution to my problems had been infront of me the entire time. Because it was the end of lunch, i didn't want to talk then, and said that i was ok (Which in a way was true, but mainly not). Later that night, i started having a chat with him over facebook, then it lead to me asking if i could ask him something and give an explanation. He said sure. I then proceeded to give him an explantion for what was going on that day (except i wasn't specific to who and that i was trying to self-harm). He gave good responces, and said that he needed to tell me something, except he felt he needed to do it in person. Then the conversation went other places. But the yesterday (saturday), i later went back to his place after helping him with one of his film assignments with a few friends. We had a good chat on stuff, then we re-entered the previous conversation, except in greater detail. I told him pretty much everything i have said here and more. It seemed to break his heart, and kind of made him slightly emotional, which broke my heart. I then told him i was trying to slef harm..... he immediatly stopped me gave me a solution on how to help. It also turned out as well that he had a simular problems, but he said it wasn't as bad. and after the whole chat i felt i had escaped that depression which had gripped me for so long.

SO here is the crossroads. I can go the way with my new good friend (i would like to think of him as my best friend, but i'll wait because i don't want the same thing to happen as last time) and lose the attachment which i had with "best friend" and be just good friends maybe. I can continue with what i was doing. Or try to resolve my issues with "best friend", although i feel now because i have tried so many times that is is pointless, and pursue a better friendship with that other guy.

Im sorry if this was really long, and it might be in ther wrong section maybe because of some of the content, but i needed to say all that in some sort of open forum.

What do you guys think of this predicament, and would you have any suggestions or thoughts?

[Perseus]

The person who you consider your best friend doesn't seem to have that much interest in you. Obviously I can't tell exactly since I'm not you, but maybe you should just consider breaking off your friendship with him. Not all the way, but he just doesn't seem like a person who I would want to consider my best friend or anything. You could always talk to him about it, but it's up to you. It'll either go in your favor, or he just won't care and move on. This new kid you met seems like the better choice, if you were going to choose. I'm not saying end your friendship with your "best friend"; you two just don't appear that close as you'd want it.

[Drew7]

wow, that's a lot, but it's actually good you got it all on here. Here's what I think and what happened to me. I know this is about you, but I can tell you what he may be thinking.

You may want to look at yourself objectively and see if you are a downer or whiner. in general and around him. Heres' why. I had a best friend who happened to be a girl and she started to going through a tough time with her parents divorce. she too was depressed. At first I was there for her. any time she called or IMd me, i immedialtly replied and talked with her or went over to her house. It seemed to help her. this went on for like two months. I eventually told her, she's gotta get past this because I'm start to dread the calls, txts etc cuz it's always the same down depressed stuff and all about her. I emphisized the word starting. Well, she was pissed, that made me pissed. She was so wrapped up in herself over problems she/we couldn't change she really didn't care what was going on with her other friends, our mutual friends or my friends.

So I tough loved her as my mom would say and told her I'm sick of it and btw your friends are sick of it, they told me so and thats why they don't reply anymore and I'm the only one who does bother and YOUR mad at me. I'm the good guy and I'm getting shot at and it's not fun. I told that i know life isn't allways fun, but there's gotta be some fun after a while. Again, I was really mad, so I yelled at her, how about once in a while you just fake it like your in a good mood, cuz I'm all ya got left and with all the homework we get, chores, parent stuff, we don't have a ton of free time and lately it's been all you and all about how your life sucks. Why can't you just forget that crap and enjoy the free time you do have rather than whine so much that your alone and your whining about being alone. It doesn't make sense! So I told her. I need a break. don't call me unless you want to do something fun like get ice cream, hang with the gang of friends we have, go to a movie or something and if you aren't in a good mood then FAKE IT!!! Cuz believe it or not, you need a break from being miserable! and so do I and so does the rest of your former friends and I'm gonna tell them all this, so the next time you call me and wanna do something fun with the gang, call me. I'll arrange something, but until then don't call me cuz I'll be busy with my friends, our friends, home work etc. and if you call me or show up and are whiny, I might be done cuz i'm unhappy around you and ya know what, there isn't much "might" we'll probably be done, so don't call until you're ready to have fun, be norm or fake both!

She called the next day. I know her ring tone, and as soon as I heard it, I thought, well, she didn't waste any time or certianly didn't give it a good think, so before I answered I was prepared to tell her. we're done cuz I was sure she was gonna be all weepy. well, I was wrong. she asked what i'm doing. I told her homework, but I'm gonna go swimming over at robs house in a while, do ya wanna come? she said yup, i'm ready. There were 5-6 of us, mutual friends, she seemed normal and seemed to be having fun. not whiny at all.

The next day I txt her and ask real of fake? she said totally fake at first, but after a while she really had fun. I asked her, isn't it nice to have a break from being miserable even if it's just a distraction? She agreed.

So several days later, same kinda thing. after maybe two weeks, she was back to normal. Then her mom called me and said she wanted to have a talk with me. I didn't like the tone, it's sounded parenty like im gonna get yelled at. I get there, ask where my friend is, she said "she's not available" and I'm think oboy....

She told me I had a lot of nerve telling her daughter what I told her (oh god) and that I'm lucky it didn't back fire. i get enough lectures in life and was so not in the mood, so i said really? what were you doing about it? Nothing. she was a little shocked but blah blah, she eventually said she also wanted to talk to me to thank me. That was kinda nice.

Anyway, I yammered all this just to see if you were willing to fake it with your friends. I know you wanna be down and at times left alone, but that won't help, so pick your moments and fake it if you have to and guess what? you might find you won't be faking it after a while.

Sorry I was kinda harsh, but my mom/dad/preacher we should think about others first and you may be the source or partly part of why the relationships are what they are and we'rent thinking about how you come across to your friends. I was "others first" my friend for two months and it didn't help, so I tried the opposite approach.

Here's one for ya, granted i'm not that old. I've got a couple of really close friends, not 20, but like 4. I'm all for BFFs for other people if it works for them, me? I try to treat those 4 like BFs and it spread within our group. pretty much there for each other. not all at once all the time, but were close enough, that if one's not available, some one will be and that started because three of them asked me if i was their best friend so I told them no, not really, the other three were just as important to me, so i dont really want just one. They ragged on me about all at once one night and i said why pick one? Why can't we all be besties or close? why limit our selves?

I know it's not normal what we do, but ya know what, we got no drama and will be there for each other either in some way. who knows, maybe start that up cuz now our whole group gets invited to stuff. invite one, ya get all of us if were available and other kids in our school think it's neat. particularly when they are having a party or small already have a small gathering of 3-4 we show up and now ya got 9. Parents like it too cuz they know where their kids are and that our core group are "pretty good guys". we don't start trouble, but we do eat a lot! hope this helped and don't forget to fake it!

[DifferentTides]

I see what you mean by that, and that is pretty much a simular situation. I understand and agree with some aspects of what you have said, but i don't nessarily believe that faking it will resolve things. (this isn't a complete rejection of what you said, just an opinion). For e bad most of my life, i have actually faked it, and now I want people to see me for who i am, and that means the bad times included. I am usually happy, and when i get sad or some other feeling i can fake it, but recently i haven't had the capacity to do that. My problem's happen even when i fake it. But thanks for the insightful opinion, it does help give a bigger picture and knowledge to the situttion