Oh fuck, not now.

[georgiamay]

I have no idea why, but these last few days have been pretty obsessive. I can't stop counting calories, and I hate myself for eating more than 1000. Today, I had to force myself to eat the food that was at the leavers thing at school, and it felt like cardboard in my mouth. It was a lot of effort just to make myself swallow.

I don't know what it is, maybe it's because of the exams coming up, and it gives me something else to focus on? I don't know, it's just a guess. Everytime I eat, I just want to feel empty again, I can't stand the feeling of having any food inside me, it's horrible. But I force myself to keep it down, I can't risk going back to that. I know I need energy and stuff for my exams, and that means I need to eat healthily. But doing that is so frustrating, and it ends up being the only thing I can think about; food. I can't concentrate if I've eaten, because I'm thinking about how much I've eaten, and I know I wouldn't be able to concentrate if I don't eat.

I can't let myself go back to that, not now. I don't give a shit if it happens after all my exams, but not in the middle of them, I need to be able to concentrate. But how am I supposed to do that if all I can think about it the fact that I've eaten 1000 calories already that day?

I don't get why it's happening now, of all times. It's not as bad as it was, but it's there, and it just being there is enough to drive me insane.

[Grayeyes]

You need to believe me when I say this. 1000 calories a day is not as much as you think it is. An average person should be receiving at least 2000 calories a day.
Don't think that 1000 calories is a lot. It is not.

Yes, you need to eat in order to concentrate. But forcing yourself isn't gonna help either.
Eat atleast 2 full meals a day. You don't have to eat a lot if that makes you uncomfortable. Just eat at least 3-4 full table spoons of meat, staple food (like bread or something) and 3-4 table spoons of vegetables/fruits each meal. (fruits are sort of optional)
That's all you really need for energy and so you don't faint or anything.

(my sister's a nutritionist so, according to her, that amount of food per meal should be enough)

You don't really need to force yourself to eat a lot. But don't eat too little either.
And again, 1000 calories is really little for a day. Especially since you're burning a lot of calories already when you walk, think or even when you sleep.

I hope I helped :)

[Fiction]

Georgia i'm exactly the same. I'm pretty sure it's to do with stress or something. I guess you have to just try and alter what you're thinking. Put it this way, you can lose weight later. There will always be the option to lose weight, but right now you need to eat to concentrate.

That doesn't really help, it only really makes your relapse further away, but maybe if you can do that for now and then you have the summer to concentrate on getting yourself sorted?

[bambino]

im the same i get more obsessive when something stressful is happening...eg. my looming A level exams
it really sucks

if you think about it, you just need to get through the next month or so. Eat healthily, eat what you want and I know that will make you feel guilty; but if you're not eating right it'll be hell trying to concentrate in an exam room.
i find its hard enough staying awake

plus if you dont feel you performed to the best of your ability in exams, being a perfectionist kinda comes with an ED, then you will feel worse I think. Than if you let yourself eat healthily to get through it?
thats how i feel personally
_______
my friend does a great blog, shes a recovering anorexic, and shes really helpful if youre having a tough time because shes so set on beating this illness:http://anorexictoplussizemodel.blogspot.com/

[Love.Hate]

I know the feeling.. But to get me through my exams I'm seeing food as medicine, i know weird.. But if eat normally and healthy I will get through these exams and it will be easier. I know it's hard by try to focus on revision rather that calories. You know 1000 isn't enough, I dont need to tell you that. I think your under alot of stress right now, which is causing you to want to control something.. Your calorie intake. Try to get through the exams, im proud of you for forcing yourself to eat at the leavers do :)