so she gave me antidepressants..and im scared. Advice?

[bambino]

im just sort of panicking right now. I went to my doctors because my counselling is really sporadic and not helping, right now I'm barely leaving the house and constantly want to self harm.

Now she's put me on 'sertraline' 50mg. Which is a common treatment for BDD. She said they're likely to make me feel more restless and anxious in the first 2 weeks and they'll have to monitor my moods, before theres an improvement.
I don't know whether to take them, they're sat on my windowsill. I mean I understand that harming myself, and thinking about suicide and hating myself so intensely- can't be normal behaviour. But I'm so used to being unhappy with myself, i just feel this is the way I am. That being hypersensitive, and impulsive and obsessive is just...me. Has anyone else ever felt like this?

But my minds going into 'panick' mode. its saying 'what if you take these and you're not you anymore' 'what if this takes away what makes you you' 'what if taking that pill means you irreversibly get rid of yourself'
and i get more and more scared and wound up.

but then I think...I need to get back to college without having a panick attack every time I'm around people, or hiding in the toilets and self harming. And even if I am more sedated, isnt it worth it just to get through college without hating myself quite so much?
then again this whole depression surrounding my BDD was sparked by a break up with a boy- and I don't want to take anti-depressants because of 'him'. At the same time I don't know what to do.

):

[anonymous53]

I'd suggest take them. It won't change who you are. It'll just "even" you out.
If there is any chance this medication will help you get better, you should take that chance.

[Fiction]

I've never been offered medication, but I understand what you mean about it just being the way you are. I feel lost if i'm happy for too long and without being as obsessive as I am... I can't even imagine that.

Although i'd try taking them if I were you. You can always come off them if you find you don't like them, but surly it's worth a try?

[ForgetMeNot]

Personally, I've been on medication and so far it hasn't worked for me and it makes me wonder but thats beside the point. Anyways I suggest you try taking them and after a month or so if nothing works then talk to your person.

[georgiamay]

50mg? That's quite a lot for the first time on medication, normally they'd start at 25 and work their way up if they think it's necessary. But what do I know? :P

Anyway, the only advice I can give you would make me a hypocrite, but here goes...
I think you should take it. If they've offered it to you, then they obviously think it'll help. It won't change who you are, it'll just balance up the chemicals and stuff, and if there isn't anything wrong with the chemicals it won't do anything at all. The first 2 weeks will probably be pretty bad, but apparently after that it's a lot better.

I've been offered medication quite a few times, and I refused every time for all of the reasons you've said. I tend not to think rationally when I'm in that situation.

[MadManWithaBox]

50mg? I agree with Georgia, it's quite a lot to start on, 25 is the starting point. I hate meds as well, I have to take some though :/ But maybe try it? If you think it's too much, then maybe talk to your doctor and get it changed, or your prescription altered. Side affects are common though, I assure you. Message me if you gave any other questions.

[bambino]

Well my parents did think 50mg was a bit steep, because my Dads bipolar and hes only on 20mg of this other drug. But I don't know..
50mg is the starting dose for depression and OCD, and because BDD has an element of obsessive compulsive- then I suppose thats why. I'm so scared; I refuse to become a zombie...I'm still having trouble seeing why my self harm is such a big problem ...:| it serves me right for being so ugly and such a disappointment.

im hoping these drugs will help me drift along happily, without every little thing hurting me. Sort of numb me to everything and let me get on. I know thats not the right reason to take them, i should want to be happy but like Kathy said, I'd be lost if I ever was happy.

but i cant carry on like this its too hard, im going to take them, wish me luck guys and thanks for the responses (:

[Syvelocin]

To be honest, antidepressants aren't going to numb you. Assuming the first drug you ever try will work for you, which, often it doesn't, you'll probably just feel like your symptoms are lessened. There are no meds in the world that will completely get rid of the problem, meds are just used for people who need a little bit more help coping with the feelings. My experience with antidepressants, they made me feel not exactly happy but hyper and giddy I guess. The same with every anti-depressant I tried, including Zoloft. That, and also my experience with anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers, led me to refuse meds altogether outside of the ones I use for sleep (Remeron, which is still an anti-depressant but I don't have much choice in this since I'm an insomniac).

Well, I guess my point is, don't expect them to automatically work. Give them a month, and see what the doctor says. 50mg is... yes, quite high for the first time you're taking them. I don't know if they would raise you from there. But yeah, give them a month, and after, tell your doctor if you feel they're working. From there, they usually either raise the dosage or put you on different meds. Getting your meds right takes a lot of time and effort. I gave up before that. My mum, however, is still not completely settled with her meds. She takes so many though. She's on an anti-depressant, mood stabalizer, and something for anxiety, then she's on a ton of other meds to help the side-effects of those meds... and for each medicine, you have to get the correct dosage that is right for only you, so it's a very gruelling process. You just have to be patient, really, and learn to get through it until everything has levelled out.

[bambino]

thanks for the advice Rith
its helpful since you've had some experience with meds. I guess i had made the assumption it was going to work straight away and improve everything.

I guess even lessening my symptoms is better than nothing. Just wish I wasn't so god damn paranoid about 'losing myself'. Which is really very ironic since I've never even had a real sense of identity, but hey!

Thanks again all (: