My girlfriend and her distorted self-image

[Yerik]

I'm worried about the way my girlfriend thinks about herself. She's 5'7" and, before we met, she used to weigh 194 pounds. But she's lost a lot of weight -- I'm not sure how much, since she obviously won't tell me. I think she said before that she lost 57 pounds, but I don't think that's right because then she would only weigh 137, and that's how much I weigh. I dunno, but she definitely doesn't weigh that much anymore.

ANYWAY, recently I discovered that she perceives her body to be disgusting, gross, hideous, uhh, and pretty much every horrible, cruel thing you could say about fatness. It's absurd. To listen to her talk about herself you would think she still weighed 194 or more.

We have had a couple arguments and the way she talks makes me so angry... whenever we talk about it, she refers to herself as a "fat lard" at least a dozen times. She always says things like that as if she's commenting on the weather or something. i.e., "Oh, it's going to rain tomorrow" => "I'm a disgusting whale." Of course, it is a big deal because it puts a serious strain on our relationship.

She sounds just so mindlessly resigned to the idea that her body is disgusting and she justifies her self-loathing talk by saying that "It's just a fact. It's not a big deal." It makes me so angry because she's so beautiful to me, but that doesn't matter to her! She won't even give my opinion any validity. I try to tell her that the way she thinks is self-destructive and just wrong, but she, again, acts like it's not a big deal. She won't believe that she can -- and should -- change her perception of herself because she says she'd by lying to herself. But she's just mistaken because she isn't that heavy....:confused:

Like I said before, it really puts a strain on our relationship. Aside from how much I can't stand to listen to her irrational, horrible nonsense, it affects us physically too. She won't let me touch her anywhere on her abdomen before she immediately pulls my hand(s) away and gets mad at me. And of course she won't let me see her without a shirt. Even though I keep telling her I think she's beautiful, she doesn't care because she thinks she's disgusting. It makes me so angry. When I ask her when she will be comfortable enough to remove her shirt, she plainly says that it will "never" happen because she is "fat and disgusting," and there's no arguing with her because she insists that it is "just a fact."

It makes me so angry... I can't stand to listen to her say the things she does. I asked her, "How can you love someone if you can't even love yourself?" but what I really wanted to ask was, "How can you expect anyone else to love you if you don't love yourself?" :(

AAARRRGGGGHGHGHGHGGGHGH

[Sapphire]

It sounds as if the media has her convinced that thinner is better. (Hell, it has a lot of us convinced of that!) Maybe you could suggest swimming (she possibly won't go for this) or cycling together. A bit of regular exercise will help her feel better in herself and can help her lose some weight. This will indirectly improve your relationship, and doing it with her will give her a bit more motivation.

Getting her to drink water when she feels like snacking also is benefical. The water tricks your stomach in to thinking that you are eating and you get full without snacking on chocolate and stuff like that.

[Yerik]

She says she's afraid of water. But as for exercise, she runs at least two miles every day (although she's not been doing that the last few days) and plays basketball.

She doesn't eat anything, either. The only things she consumes on a daily basis are water (especially vitamin water) and applesauce. Yesterday she also had half of a slice of toast with 1/4 tablespoon of peanut butter on it and four crackers. She doesn't usually eat much more than that.

So she doesn't eat much and exercises a lot, but what I'm concerned about is just getting her to feel better about herself without necessarily having to drop a lot more weight. I came here because I'm at a loss as to how to do that. :(

[The Resurrected One]

Fuck the media!

[angel'swillstayalive]

the meida makes out if your over 55 kiloz ur 2 fat and if your under 50 ur 2 thin omg there fucked dw u know u should take her out and take lots of pic and cut the heads of then show ur gf the pic of the bodyz dont tell her its her and see wat she says?? its worth a try

[Hyper]

Well.. I dont belive your at your gf 24/7 observing what she eats but.. Never the less she isnt that ''fat'' infact she isnt realy medicly considerd overweight.. And a woman's weight is determined by their body build, and bone size not some stereotype

[tomkapsalis]

This is what Nip/Tuck and the media does to these girls.
Tom

[Kathryn Ann]

You need to try to understand the things she says,
not just forget them.
If you ever want her to listen to what you say about her,
you have to listen to her too.

Getting mad at her will not solve anything.
She needs support,
and compliments.
She doesn't need you getting mad at her because of the way she feels.

I understand your position,
but I understand hers, as well.

TRY to understand the way she feels and don't get mad at her for it,
and one day, she'll probably try to understand how you feel too.

[Yerik]

You're right... I hadn't thought about it that way. But now I've got bigger problems...

I would post the link to my new thread, but I guess the forum script thinks I'm a spambot because I have less than 10 posts. :eyeroll:

It's in the Relationships and Dating section. Whatevs.