Indecision
May 6th, 2011, 02:02 PM
So a while back, I cut my wrist. I can't remember why; it was around just before Christmas I think. But we were playing bench-ball. My teacher was studying me for my grades, which of course, I had to try my best.
I was on the bench, so I had to catch the ball. Which means lifting up my arms. I think she saw my wrists, she kept looking, and acting kindly to me after.
Recently, I did it on my hand. I was wearing a bandage and going my the story 'I sprained my hand whilst riding.' Which most people believe as my pony is very strong. But she got to me, and unlike everyone else, she stared at the bandage. She looked almost scared? She asked me what happened, I told her my cover story, she nodded and showed me to my team.
Also, I forgot to mention, she's also voluntarily helps my friend with her anorexia. She does mentoring.
Today, we were doing rounders. I was wearing 3/4 length trousers. In the heat, my scars turn pinky/reddy. She kept looking at my ankle. I was standing up, and she kept looking. I tried to hide it by crossing my legs, but she saw it. She asked me to talk to her at the end of the lesson, but I didn't. I've avoided her the rest of the day. I know she wants to talk to me about it, and I want to talk to her, 'cause talking to people helps.
But I can't let my Mother know, I don't want all the teachers to know, I don't want all my friends to know. I find it almost embarrassing talking about it sometimes, sometimes i'ld just burst into tears. I don't know what to do. I really need to talk to someone about it, 'cause I've done it last night, it's just not stopping. But I don't want to risk anything. Oh, what should I do? :(.
I was on the bench, so I had to catch the ball. Which means lifting up my arms. I think she saw my wrists, she kept looking, and acting kindly to me after.
Recently, I did it on my hand. I was wearing a bandage and going my the story 'I sprained my hand whilst riding.' Which most people believe as my pony is very strong. But she got to me, and unlike everyone else, she stared at the bandage. She looked almost scared? She asked me what happened, I told her my cover story, she nodded and showed me to my team.
Also, I forgot to mention, she's also voluntarily helps my friend with her anorexia. She does mentoring.
Today, we were doing rounders. I was wearing 3/4 length trousers. In the heat, my scars turn pinky/reddy. She kept looking at my ankle. I was standing up, and she kept looking. I tried to hide it by crossing my legs, but she saw it. She asked me to talk to her at the end of the lesson, but I didn't. I've avoided her the rest of the day. I know she wants to talk to me about it, and I want to talk to her, 'cause talking to people helps.
But I can't let my Mother know, I don't want all the teachers to know, I don't want all my friends to know. I find it almost embarrassing talking about it sometimes, sometimes i'ld just burst into tears. I don't know what to do. I really need to talk to someone about it, 'cause I've done it last night, it's just not stopping. But I don't want to risk anything. Oh, what should I do? :(.