Help for a Friend

[User4rmKy]

I have a friend who has/is cutting. While they seem to be very open about it at times, I've noticed that other days talking to them about it is like slamming my head into a brick wall...pointless and painful. They claim that they don't mind discussing it, but they often answer questions with "yes", "no", and other one-sentence replies. I don't want to be intrusive with this friend; however, I do want them to know that I'm open to talking about cutting and that it doesn't freak/gross me out.
From the experience of other cutters on this site, would you rather have your friends talk about your problems or just leave you alone?

[Fiction]

I'm in a similar situation right now too, as well as being a cutter myself. I guess the thing to do is to try and talk to her about it in a calm way. Tell her you'd like to help. it might be easier for her to talk about it over IM or text, rather than face to face.

[User4rmKy]

Thanks for the advice! I don't really get to hang out with them, so talking online is about all we ever do. You think this maybe best?

[cheldy]

In my opinion, talking online is way better than facing that person. When someone confronts you, just words are better than having to deal with their worried look, and coming up with a response is easier on IM/ email than in person.
I would like to talk with my friends about my problems, it would definitely feel better if they talked about it then if they noticed but didn't say a word about it.

[Ambrosia]

When people ask, I get freaked out. But I'm very quick to confront someone of it if I realize they have done it for the first time. First time cutters are sometimes bad at hiding it. I don't care how awkward it makes them feel, I will sit their unhappy ass down and force them to talk to me. But I wouldn't want someone to do that to be. >Hypocrite<

IM, Text, Email, anything is better than face to face if you're dealing with a devoted self-harmer who has done it more than once. If you just want to discuss it with them, head down to the typing and writing.

[Love.Hate]

I think talking to people about it openly is good, it shows your support.
But maybe they have bad days? because i know if im feeling bad i dont want to talk about anything that is going to make me feel worse.

So i guess you just have to tell them your always there to talk and you understand :)

[User4rmKy]

Thank you all for your wonderful replies! Okay, here's another question: what 5 things do you (as a cutter) want from a friend? I mean, I can't decide if I'm showing the compassion and care that I feel when I ask questions, or if I just seem to be nosey. I really want to reach out and help this friend...but I don't want to do the wrong thing in my effort to do good.

[Blujay]

I think talking over e-mail/IM/the computer is a better idea than face to face, for all the same reasons that everyone else already posted.

5 things... hmm.
1. Patience
2. Understanding
3. Empathy
4. Openness. (They're bearing their belly to you, making themselves vulnerable. Try and be comforting and maybe talk about your own experiences, as well, so they don't feel like they're being interrogated.)
5. Availability (as in, be able to talk to them whenever. Respond to their txts/messages/whatever as quickly as possible to make them feel like they're not alone.)


Least a ways, these are the things I appreciate from a friend when I'm talking to them about cutting.
Hope that helps.=]

[FullyAlive]

Erm like everyone else I think doing something not face to face is easier and gives them a much easier way to leave the conversation.
As a both a cutter myself and friend of a cutter I think it's really nice you're trying to help them out with this it's nice to have support. However she might just not want to talk to you or anyone and in that case rather than pressing her when she's uncomfortable and running the risk of pushing her away you should just make it obvious you're there for her and let her come to you.