Verbal abuse? or not?

[alley]

Okay so my mum gets mad with me an awful lot at the moment, and she has an awful temper. I've learned to switch off to it most of the time but at the moment I am starting to question if this is 'ok'...
When my mum gets heated, she will swear at me, and call me horrible names, she will also say things such as 'you'd like me dead', 'i hate you', 'i wish i never had you', etc.
This happens alot, and has happened all my life, it is just happening more now. i often go upstairs to my room afterwards, and self harm, something she does not know about. Sometimes I will carve the names she calls me in my skin.
she usuallys apologises afterwards for losing her temper with me, but she does it again and again.
My dad will also says its just her personality, and it's fine. i never questioned it before but i'm wondering if this is just normal family life or if it is verbal abuse? thanks

[BFG9001]

I'unno. My mom does the same, but she doesn't apologize.

[Syvelocin]

Well, it's typical, but I wouldn't question whether it is abuse or not if she apologizes afterwards. So she more than likely didn't mean it. If she isn't sorry for saying those things, I would be a bit more concerned. She obviously cares for your feelings or she wouldn't apologize. Like teenagers do, some parents will lose their cool and say things they don't mean. You don't see it as often, that sort of extreme, with the parents though as much as you see your typical rebellious teen slamming the door with a yell of "I hate you!"

I never had that in my family. Our arguments were always very mild, and I was never called any names. Then again, I'm not exactly from a normal family. But I don't think it's abuse.

[alley]

okay thanks :) i feel better about this now :)

[Spook]

It can hurt to be called those things, and I have had similar situations, but she apologized, and that's the main thing.

It may run deeper than temper. Think about it.

[Magus]

Ha, that's my mom you got there.

Yeah, I think some mothers are like that. My mom, she likes to scream to the top of her lung, and start cursing at me. But I know this is her like that. Hormonal changes are a terrible thing.

But after that, when she calms down, I start making her feel guilty, then I will start to apologise first(even if it's not my fault(on anything)), then she starts to apologise.

It's a routine I kept on living with.

[Surfin]

This is terrible you should not half to listen to this you were born for a reason don't think different this is wrong get help

[dreamsofsomeday]

My mom is like that, too, except she always expects me to be the one to apologize most of the time.

[JunkBondTrader]

This sounds like it's really hurting you, but as others have said, a lot does depend on the circumstances.

Are these outbursts provoked or do they just come out of nowhere? If she's being mean just for the hell of it then yes, it is abusive, regardless of whether or not she appologises afterwards.

[FullyAlive]

It sounds unlikely to be abuse, a lot of parents shout at their kids, hell mine do all the time. Whilst it may be hard to hear those things they aren't particularly abusive and she apologises afterwards. I think its hard to draw a line between an argument and verbal abuse but if you had too i think what you're describing would be on the side of just an argument.
However anytime it gets worse of you just need to moan that's ok. :hug: