How do you get over this?

[MadManWithaBox]

When I was 14, I was raped by a teacher in my boarding school. Well two teachers actually. they, well they took it in turns, lets say that, more than once. Wouldn't have stopped either if they hadn't been caught. I've been thinking about for 4 years. And I've never told anyone exactly what happened, what I've tyed down there is the most I've ever said, and thats not everything. I can't handle this right now. All the memories resurfacing. How the fuck do I deal?

[sarah newman]

That must have been awful for you. That must have knocked your confidence down loads.
Try and focus on a hobby you like doing.
I can't promise you that it won't leave your mind, but it will ease, I promise.
You can also get help professionally or talk to a trust adult, friend or relative.
If you ever wanna talk, I'm here, just message me and I promise I won't judge you and I will reply.

[anonymous53]

The way I deal with stuff when memories resurface is talk to people. Burn incense and blare music. Do you have therapists to talk to at all?

[MadManWithaBox]

That'd be a waste of their time and mine. I need a fix now.

[moon_lit_angel]

Matt talk to people, watch a movie, listen to music, do something you love eg art,

sorry it happened to you.

[MadManWithaBox]

I've already tried that. It didn't work, I feel worse than I did 4 years ago. I need something different <3

[Syvelocin]

You won't be able to forget it. But you have to separate yourself from the memory. You have to be able to carry it and not feel it like it's happening again. How to get to that point... I have no idea. Time is the best way, but for some of us it takes more than that. It's my support system that keeps be in the present I guess. It doesn't hurt as much, because I've pretty much blocked that memory, though that's not what you want to do. I think the goal is to still carry it, but not have it affect your present-day life as much.

It's hard stuff to deal with, but you have to put it in your past. It happened, and you didn't have control over it. Nothing you could have done, nothing you can now. I know that's easier said than done, of course. I can't think of how else to say it though. Distractions are good. Fill your life with activities, get yourself busy. Surround yourself with people who love you. I don't know what else to say. Hope you feel better, Matt.

[moon_lit_angel]

well like there is no forgetting it..! 6 years on from my abuse it still haunts me. i still see the man who did it to me

[MadManWithaBox]

Yeah I get that part. But to be frank, I haven't been coping well recently with anything, at all. And I need to move past this, or il stay like this forever, which is stupid

[Syvelocin]

Like I said, time usually mends it quite well. It's a matter of hanging in there without losing your sanity really. Not allowing them to win. For a while, I was a mess. Then I became numb to it almost. It's hard to talk about it still, but I don't quite feel what I used to. If I wasn't reminded of it as often as I am, through the guy being my aunt's boyfriend, I would have forgot that it actually happened. It feels more like a nightmare I had, now.

[moon_lit_angel]

its not stupid matt!!

We've talked about this.. I aint been good recently either.. but like we need to talk and get our feelings out in ways of good not harm

[MadManWithaBox]

They said that after my dad stabbed me. And that still hurts, I still have flashbacks. Time doesn't heal all wounds

[Syvelocin]

They said that after my dad stabbed me. And that still hurts, I still have flashbacks. Time doesn't heal all wounds

They'll never be gone. They just won't. Things like these, you will always see the stains it's made in a person's soul. But it most definitely helps, Matt.

[moon_lit_angel]

They said that after my dad stabbed me. And that still hurts, I still have flashbacks. Time doesn't heal all wounds


i know time doesnt heal!! matt we've been here before..

[MadManWithaBox]

Then what do I do? Because I don't know, in stuck. I'm being the stupid, whining person I hate, because I can't let go of the past. It's stupid

[Syvelocin]

It's not stupid, and you are not stupid. It is so incredibly normal to have feelings like this about it. Don't ever think that.

I gave you a couple suggestions though. Mainly, when I'm not so stressed already, filling my life with things to do helps a lot. When I'm sitting around the house, I'm so much more prone to feelings like this. Plan things like going out to eat, getting into your hobbies. For me, for example, that includes auditioning for some theatre, taking walks and bringing my camera for photography, etc. Go to some concerts or something similar, or just treat yourself to something you want. A new video game perhaps.

[MadManWithaBox]

I do try distractions. I like... stuff. When I'm doing it though, I just stop, and think. Which is stupid. And then I stop, cos doing it feels like I don't deserve it. God reading what I said, I'm pathetic.

[anonymous53]

You're not pathetic Matt. Like Sy said...try to find a way to separate yourself from it. I still have nightmares and flash backs. Have you tried running or swimming? There's not much of a way you can think that way :) Force yourself to keep running and not stop.

[MadManWithaBox]

I am pathetic . And I'm sick of long term solutions and time. I want something now, or I'm gonna break.

[moon_lit_angel]

Matt, it'll be ok.. just talk to me k

[MadManWithaBox]

How will it be ok?

[Travis Is Losing It]

Matt there is NO instant cure to get over something like that... and as for forgetting it. unless something even more traumatic happens you probably never will... but if you get over it it will get so much easier to cope with. Rape is a terrible thing and i know from personal experience with someone i trusted and tought of as a brother... Its always going to hurt but coping with it in the wrong ways with cutting burning anything harmful to you is not the way to do it. Time though will help and defently do what Sarah said focus on a activity you like. The less your mind is on it the less it will bother you. :/

[MadManWithaBox]

I'd rather be stabbed again then. Better than this.

[Kiss]

Matt, you don't just get over stuff like this, you just learn to live differently. That happened to me as well, when I was 9, and im still not over it, im 16 now. Every once in a while I get flash backs and I know exactly how you feel, and why would you not tell anyone about this? Anyway, trust me it's not easy which is why I think you should really tell someone exactly what happened, it's hard but you have no idea how much it helps. Even now, I have to talk to people about it and I can't do it without crying. Let your feelings out, trust me, you'll never get over it and you'll never forget it but you learn how to cope. Good luck x

[PetaByte]

I've never been raped, so I don't know how terrible that is, but speaking as a guy whose bad memories revolves around deaths and similar terrible events, I personally get in a better mood by exercising. That's just one of the things I do to get in a better mood, but once you start getting tired of the exercising and you sweat, it becomes more and more difficult to think about the bad memories, and it's healthy too. It's helped me a lot! Maybe you could try that? :)

[Sith Lord 13]

Matt, there is no quick fix. Trust me, I've tried. The only thing I've found that helps is distraction, and even that isn't very good.One day, when you're ready, you need to talk it out with someone. If you're not comfortable going to a therapist, I'm here for you. Once you talk it out, it will get better, and every time you talk it out, it gets just a little bit easier to handle and a little bit easier to talk about. That I promise from experience.

[User4rmKy]

Hey, Matt, I know this is rough on you and I wish that I had some words of advice to make you forget it all...but I don't. What you do need to remember is that what happened to you was in no way your fault. You were the victim in this mess and those men were horrible, scum-of-the-earth dirt bags. You were a child and the people you trusted did this to you. Never let youself feel guilty or nasty about any of it.

I'd like to say that things will get better with time, but I can't make that promise; you will probably remember the abuse for the rest of your life. Memories like this can either make you or break you; you can choose to turn into someone who allows the pain of the past to completely ruin your life, or you a different path and let these horrible events make you into a more caring, wonderful person. There are LOTS of kids out there who are sexually abused all the time; perhaps you could use your experience to reach out and help them when you're older?

[MadManWithaBox]

This stuff has been going since I was 3. Or younger. And it still hadn't got better. I still remember my dad smashing a burning hot plate into my face when I was 6. Or screaming at me telling me I'm a useless failure on my 9th birthday. Or beating the shit out of me and kicking me while I was on the ground. Like when he tried to kill me. And none of that has got better

[Sith Lord 13]

:hug: You need to talk your way though this shit Matt. Sit down with someone and just tell them what happened. Every detail. Get it out in the open. It will free you.

[MadManWithaBox]

I can't do that I'm afraid.

[Sith Lord 13]

I can't do that I'm afraid.

Maybe not now, but one day you'll be able to do it.

[tpzy94]

you have to get it off your chest and tell somebody even us

[MadManWithaBox]

Yes, but I'm not going to carry on like this.

[Sith Lord 13]

Yes, but I'm not going to carry on like this.

Yes, you are. You're gonna make it Matt.