My uh, "story."

[Brittneh]

I've been living with Bulimia Nervosa since I was eleven. I'm now fifteen. It's getting worse, but I'm still just as fat. I was Anorexic for two years. From twelve to fourteen. No one noticed, or cared. Probably because I stayed the same weight. I guess. I'd lose it, gain it back, and lose it all over again. As a cycle. But recently I've been vomiting more blood than usual, and my nose won't stop bleeding. I think I'm finally dying from this. I don't know what to do. My therapist I had for four months disregarded the disorder, and... I never really got help with it. When I was at the hospital for self mutilation and a suicide attempt, I shared how I felt about my body and appearance. They shrugged it off. I tried to get help, but no one cared. This is just a way to vent, or something. I wish my fiancee understood, but he simply says "you're fine the way you are," and that's it. He doesn't tell me I'm beautiful, or pretty. Or even sexy... I feel used after sex because of it. I feel disgusted with myself because of it. How can he touch me, or look into my ugly eyes, and utter that he loves me? I think I need help now, since the nosebleeds started, I've been very, very dizzy. Vertigo. And I can't stop shivering, and my vision is more blurry than ever. I'm freezing constantly, or in a fever. I usually binge one to three times a day, and purge each time as well. I'm lost, and I don't know if I should even bother for help now. I have two people in which know of it. I ask for help before a binge. They say "just don't. Don't think about throwing up. Just eat and be happy." Bull. They don't understand. It's like giving heroin to an addict, and saying, "no, you'll be fine, as long as you don't think about the heroin in your hands." I hate it. I can't stand looking in the mirror. I cry when I'm alone, and just stare. I have a scale in my room, and weigh myself everyday. I wear a lot of make-up, but I'm not sure if it hides the ugly. I remind myself of that song from From First To Last. When I think about eating, I think about cutting. I can't stop... I can't.

[sarah newman]

I'm so sorry that food has a big impact on you. But you shouldn't be feeling like this, you should feel happy and confident whilst eating, you shouldn't feel guilty for it.
I kinda know how you feel. I dont have this amount of problems as you, but I do binge eat, I did try to make myself sick but I just gagged :/ and I did go without eating for a couple of weeks but that turned into me binge eating which is what I still do now. I know how it feels that you don't like eating in public because you think you look ugly. But try and eat at home. We are all pretty in our own ways. Men often dont say that we are beautiful and pretty- I don't know why, it's probably how there brain functions!
But please try to eat, if you die from this you will be hurting your friends and family who love you dearly.
And as for you getting help, push at your doctor, tell him/ her that you NEED help and do whatever it takes to get it, because your doctor shouldn't disregard it like that. Get counselling, if your doctor isn't good enough. You have said that you told a couple of people- you have tried a lot to get help- well done, you have got through the hardest stage, most people wouldn't try to get help, you have and it must have taken a lot of courage to do that. Just keep trying, everyone on this forum, your family and friends, we all have faith in you.
If you ever wanna talk, I'm always here, whenever you need to. Good luck with what ever you decide and your future.

[Love.Hate]

Well writing this out shows that you are strong, and you realise you need help. It's better to accept it now than to wait and five years down the line be very very ill. It has been going on too long, it needs to stop. Your health is at serious risk!

I know what you mean with people just saying "eat it and don't think about it". I don't know if this is going to help, but when I feel really low and like I'm going to binge and purge, I tell myself that food is just medicine, everyone needs it and I will just get Ill if I don't keep it down.

Food is just medicine. You need it to survive.

You are really really damaging your body by doing this, please get help before it's too late.
Take care :cuddle:

[Fiction]

My councillor totally diregarded my eating disorder too.

It sounds as though you have done serious damage to your body and really do need help before this gets any worse. Try going to a doctor rather than a mental health specialist. This way she'll be able to asses your physical health and maybe if they can see this is getting worse, the mental health people will listen.

[kaykay13]

i know u hate it when ppl say "its gonna b ok". look i dnt even know u or have nvr seen u before, but i do know something about u.... u r beautiful, every woman is beautiful its just really hard for us to see our beauty bc we are to busy concentrating on the negatives instead of positives. another thing i know, ur a very strong woman, not just anyone can get on here and tell there story. next time u stand in front of the mirror say u r strong and beautiful and look at every positive thing about u and dnt say u dnt have anything positive bc there is always something positive, ur hair laying down flat without frizz or just waking up that morning is a positive, i have an eating disorder and im 15 as well i know how u feel TRUST ME! sometimes its hard to look at myself in the mirror bc i can critique everything wrong with me but u know what makes u even stronger? seeing everything thats great about u :D and ur fiancee does love u and thinks ur beautiful other wise, he wouldnt b with u babe :) plz message me anytime i will always b able to talk to u if u ever need it