Any Advice for a friend?

[Saosin]

One of my best friends has had a pretty rough life...
From early on she was abused and taken advantage of as a little girl by her cousins.

This occurred for multiple years and eventually she caught on and realized what was happening. When she told her parents, they didn't believe her and acted like nothing happened.

Eventually her parents were annoyed enough with the issue that they brought it up to her aunt and it divided that side of the family. It has been years since she was raped but since then she has had serious reoccurring nightmares, anxiety issues and much, much more.

She also has developed a habit of cutting to try and relieve stress.

So VT, I'm curious.
I allow myself to be a vent and outlet for her stress in an attempt to prevent her from cutting again and also learn to deal with stress management.

Are there any past cutters/self mutilators that have any advice on how to avoid relapse or routines to help?

Any words of wisdom are greatly appreciated!
PS- sorry if this is in the wrong section. I'm new to this site and it deals with both abuse and self mutilation

[sarah newman]

I am a ex self harmer. And I totally understand what your mate is going through. Just make sure you are always there for her, because she is probably relying on you to be there for her.
Make sure that you let her know that self harming is the wrong way to go, and if she talks to someone, or even joins this forum, it would help much more. Because cutting only makes you happy for about 5/10 minutes, then she would feel guilty for doing it, and she will have to worry about no one seeing her cuts, it would be much easier if she didn't do it at all.
Tell her that she can get help if she wants it in many ways- councilling, seeing a doctor, talking to a close relative, friend, someone she trusts, or tell her joining this would be a big help to her, and she can talk to me about it, as I have been in a very similar situation to her.
If you have anymore queries about this, message me at anytime.

[Charleigh]

I am a ex self harmer. And I totally understand what your mate is going through. Just make sure you are always there for her, because she is probably relying on you to be there for her.
Make sure that you let her know that self harming is the wrong way to go, and if she talks to someone, or even joins this forum, it would help much more. Because cutting only makes you happy for about 5/10 minutes, then she would feel guilty for doing it, and she will have to worry about no one seeing her cuts, it would be much easier if she didn't do it at all.
Tell her that she can get help if she wants it in many ways- councilling, seeing a doctor, talking to a close relative, friend, someone she trusts, or tell her joining this would be a big help to her, and she can talk to me about it, as I have been in a very similar situation to her.
If you have anymore queries about this, message me at anytime.

As Sarah said, just be there for her, although make sure she doesnt "rely" on you because you cant always be there for her in certain situations, and she will grow too clingy on you, and wont talk to anybody else but you, and you need your time and space too.

I self harm as well. So I kind of understand where she is coming from with doing it, but if you dont self harm then it can be really hard to understand and look at it from her perspective. So at the moment, self harming is her coping machenism and that will help her with all of her emotions and things.

Sara said try and get her to join here, it is better if she can talk to someone that she knows face to face, and someone that wont be an online friend. Try and get her to go to a teacher or a counsellour, get her to go to someone professional.

Good luck and I am here if you need anything.

[Fiction]

Abuse :arrow: Cutting and Self harm

I self harm and honestly the most useful thing i've found in stopping is a reason to stop for. For me this was a person who I cared a lot about and new wanted me to stop, I haven't completely stopped but i'm a lot better than i was.

When she wants to self harm tell her to sue distractions, such as talking to you or doing something like writing, drawing, anything really. One thing I found really helped is just writing every thought in my head out. It really does help :)

She can also use things to help relieve the urges, such as snapping an elastic band against your wrist. It doesn't get rid of the urge but it can make it more bearable. The same can be said with ice. You put ice where you want to cut and it causes pain, but no damage. If it's seeing the blood that she likes then she can draw on herself with red pen.

Hope this helped :)

[alluneedtoknow]

i used to cut to prevent my memories of abuse from rising and the best thing i know is to come to face with the memories and tell your self it wasnt your fault. cutting/ self harm is a way for ones mind to cope with what happened. and its not healthy. i have shin splints and scars on my legs. my parents didnt believe me either. and they werent aware of the cutting until years later. i turned to adult friends for help and God but if your not into God thats ok. When i say u need to come to face the memories, i mean you need to bring good confidence to your self. look in the mirror and tell yourself everyday that you are beautiful and a respectable young lady and that no one has a right to your body but you. try to help others in the same situation with positive words. and as odd as it is, dont rely on someone else to always be there. sometimes the ones we rely on most leave very suddenly and then your left feeling worse than you did in the beginning. Stand up for yourself on your own two feet and know that people are there for you but that you can handle the problems presented to you. I know this to be true bc my mom was my person to go to and when she died i was left alone trying to find myself. Dont stop for others....stop for you!

[alluneedtoknow]

i drew pictures of what i wanted to do to myself and that was a truth starring back at me. it was ugly and horrible looking. writing helps too. and when she looks back she will see how far she came and know that she can do better.

[Cynical]

The other posts are really good information. One thing i'd like to add is don't make comments like "If you cut i'll cut" etc... they will put pressure on her and guilt if she does cut.

[Fiction]

The other posts are really good information. One thing i'd like to add is don't make comments like "If you cut i'll cut" etc... they will put pressure on her and guilt if she does cut.

I would strongly advise against this. Although it may stop her cutting for a short while, if and when she relapses it'll make her feel terrible, and be more likely to do it again. Also she'll be more likely to relapse if she isn't really stopping for herself. She'll stop when she's ready.

[Love.Hate]

I think the main thing is you always have to be there to support her, she sounds like she has had a hard life. So if she doesn't want to talk, don't force her.

She has to want to beat this, so maybe telling her about all the good things in her life will help? Also if she gets the urge to do it again tell her it's not worth it, that it is pointless for a few seconds of relief. Maybe she could channel her stress in healthy ways.. Reading, writing, screaming, boxing, drawing, absolutely anything. As long as she enjoys it that's all that matters.

Keep her spirits up and good luck :)