help?

[rissa-_-]

~i just lost my father atleast two months ago. i didn't like him: he kept yelling at my disable sister. but now i miss him but i know i shouldn't. when i was younger i was somewhat abuse and my mom doesn't even know about it. maybe i miss the yelling.
~i feel pressured at school because not many people know what i've been through. the only person i can talk to is my friend kaya, maybe because she also went through a lost, and she knows what i'm actually going through. my close friends like to be there for me constanly when i'm depressed, but i don't want to tell them off i need my space.
~i keep thinking my mom will also past then i will need to move to gettysburg but i don't want to lose my friends. my mom is the only one that would make me laugh on a bad day. i don't want to lose another loved one
~last year i've been abusing myself, practically everyday. but now i'm doing better. but lately i keep having the feeling i need to. possibly because i've been having anxiety attacks and i get very shakey. also, i haven't been eating as much as i use to in the beggining of the year. that might be because of the lost.
~ sorry i just needed to let this out~

[Kaya]

Hey Rissa. If you need your space just tell me, silly. You won't lose your mom. and even if that did happen, you know I'm always here for you. You don't need to move to Gettysburg because you can live with me!!!! No, just kidding. But you know I'm always here for you no matter what and that you can always talk to me about anything. and yes, it is easy for me to understand..but, I have no idea what it's like to lose your dad and I can't imagine how hard it is for you. I'm so proud of you for not hurting yourself as much as you used to. You probably should start eating a little more than what you do before it starts to hurt you when you try to eat. That's not fun. and just remember to take your medicine when you need to. And just because you have a scheduled doctor's appointment like...a long time from now doesn't mean that you can't just make one now. Remember to do what's best for you. <3 Love ya

[sarah newman]

I'm sorry to hear about your lose and the pain you are going through.
You must remember, you are NOT alone. You Have your friends, and your family who love and care about you.
You are not gonna loose your mum. You may get these thoughts because you have recently lost a loved one, but that doesn't mean you will loose your mum as well.
Just stay strong, find a hobby you can do that will take your mind off it, or go and speak to a proffessional or someone you trust about your problems.
If you ever wanna talk, message me at any time. Good luck with what you decide :)

[PetaByte]

I know I'm late, but I feel I have to reply:

First off, I know my story's different than yours because my grandfather never yelled or abused me of any kinds. However, I lost him all of a sudden when he was in a car crash -.- I've been through so many traumas already that I have built up my own way of handling them, so even tho it was a shock for me when it happened, I didn't spend week after week crying and crying. I miss him and such, but I don't cry out as much as I possibly should. For that, I feel guilty. For not showing physical pain, even tho it of course torments a part of me on the inside. The shock lasted for me for a few days, I think up to one week before I managed to put my mind on other matters.

When it comes to my school, I feel the same pressure as you (at least I think). I don't go around telling ppl what I go through, so people at my school think I'm (almost) like them. I also have only my closest friends to talk to, but I don't really feel they know how it's like 'cause I'm the only one that goes through all of it and they just want to be there to support. Main thing about me is I don't usually talk about the things that happen. I get sad and often depressed, but I don't physically show it. In fact, this is the only forum where I actually feel free to talk about it.

I've cut myself just once and I stopped doing it basically because my friends found out and helped me find my own way of letting out steam without damaging myself. I am eternally grateful to them for helping me with that, because if I had to cut myself to remove all of my problems, the only breathing part of me would be my heart.

Anyways, I didn't mean to make this about me. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. We have some things in common in this; and if you ever feel the need to talk, I'll be one msg away. <3