Nothing left in life

[NateS]

Now I'm going to say right now, my life isn't as bad as many others here, but it still sucks.

Now let me go back a view years. I have been the school nerd for a long time. Straight A's. Only gotten 2 B's on a report card in my whole life. I have no real friends. My closest friend that's a guy is a total, well, I really can't think of a word. He never cares about how I feel, yet he always demands sympathy from me. We're both 13. He can turn out to be the biggest moron I know with his fake redneck attitude (nothing against rednecks, just him). My closest friend I really have is a girl my age. I really don't like her but she's helped me a lot. More than everyone else I know. She is also my friend mentioned above's ex, which REALLY makes life suck. On top of that, she is the best friend of the girl I like, and she knows it, which makes life awkward for me. I'm just afraid she will reject because I'm the school nerd, so I don't even dare make a move. I don't exactly look good, I have glasses, and I tend to be very serious. We have a lot in common, but neither of us have ever dated. I am an average height for people at my school and as skinny as can be. 5'3" and 90 pounds. The closest I've ever been to a date was roller blading with my orchestra ensemble, which all of the above mentioned people happen to be in. I haven't had a great friend since 3rd grade. Middle school doesn't make life easier either. I get bullied every other day by the annoying football players in my gym class. I have thought of suicide in the past but I have never really come close to it.

I just want to know what to do. My parents at least have a clue about this (although they some how can't see I have no friends even though I'm always home). I'm just lost now. My family doesn't have much money so it's not like I can just move and get a fresh start. If worst comes to worst, I could move in with my sister, but the school system there is worse than where I live now. I guess you could say I'm depressed. The school recently talked about it and I fit almost every single thing they talked about.

I just need some advice here. What can I do to turn my life around and get friends? Go ahead and ask me anything if you want me to clarify. I feel comfortable enough talking here.

[kookoo_dude32]

Dude,I'm not gonna say we are in the same position....but where we both stand on life,with thoughts of suicide we are...i know it wont compare,but if you need someone to talk to as a friend,im here for you....ive really never done this before,with giving advice to someone i dont know....but im here...sorry,i know im not much help....

[javs26]

smile (people like friendly people, just don't look creepy)

bulk up (that way if the football team gives u shit and you resist and piss em off, you can at least defend yourself) so just do like... push ups and sit ups daily, it works for me, and I'm one of the skinniest among my group of friends.

ignore the awkward situations between your friends who happen to be ex's. if one of them confronts you about it and forces you to choose, then just tell them that they are being a poor friend and they should NOT try to control who you talk to.

contacts. i had glasses, then upgraded to contacts in 10th grade, id say it makes me look better, but my contacts have better strength than my glasses do anyway.

just have an all around positive attitude. im not saying talk like your on the wiggles, but just be friendly with people when they talk to you, dont talk negatively about ANYBODY unless they are really good friends and you can trust them, its honestly amazing how fast information travels around a school. if everybody knows you really are a nice kid, then this could help stop bullying towards you as well, because nobody wants to bully the kid that everybody thinks is nice

if your closest friend doesnt sympathize for you, then hes just a good friend at best... a close friend, to me anyway, is somebody you go to when shit is getting tossed at you from all directions and they will stand next to you through it because they know you would do the same. its amazing how many fights and exes i had to go through for my friends, but i do not regret it, because they are my family.

that may be all i can think about as of right now

[NateS]

The main issue is that I've gone to this school system my whole life. These are the only people I know and they won't change their thoughts. No one does. I'm genetically skinny (from both sides of my family) so workouts barely help. I'm mentally prepared to keep them off and I succeed until they get physical. I just don't have the strength to.

I wish I could get contacts. My school system recently cancelled most sports so other than looks I don't need contacts. Like I said my family is tight on money. My dad drives a truck with crap MPG. My sister is in college and is about to move into an apartment. I also have some genetic issues with contacts (my mom just simply can't get them), plus the insurance doesn't cover contacts because I recently got new glasses.

I have a positive attitude, but like I said, they've all known me so long it doesn't matter. I've been treated the same way my whole life. People just aren't willing to change their thoughts.

The friend you mentioned really isn't really a friend, though. He's just the only one that at least can tolerate the shit I go through.