I gained weight. :(

[Nevermore]

So I gained a few pounds. No big deal right? I HATE IT! :'( I can't stop crying and being extremely depressed about it. I've been eating less. And took a lot of natural laxatives last night. I'm so miserable. I'm so depressed. I'm just done. I give up on trying to get better, it only makes me feel worse. You only live once, why can't I just die happy at least! I'm going to continue to lose weight! I hate hospitals, I hate now being on day patient therapy for the summer, SKREW THEM! >.<

[Russ]

Can I ask why a few pounds makes u feel so bad?guarantee u luk exactly the same

[Nevermore]

Because I want to lose weight. Which is not good because I'm extremely underweight, but I want to lose weight not gain it.

[Love.Hate]

Gaining weight Is a horrible thing to admit too. But how about you don't see the scales, and think healthy instead of thin. Your body needs those few pounds to function, try not to worry about it. And urgh, summer therapy. That really sucks!! But it's for your own good. Because they care and they Want you to get better. Chin up, it's going to be okay :)

[Charleigh]

So I gained a few pounds. No big deal right? I HATE IT! :'( I can't stop crying and being extremely depressed about it. I've been eating less. And took a lot of natural laxatives last night. I'm so miserable. I'm so depressed. I'm just done. I give up on trying to get better, it only makes me feel worse. You only live once, why can't I just die happy at least! I'm going to continue to lose weight! I hate hospitals, I hate now being on day patient therapy for the summer, SKREW THEM! >.<

I've gained 9 D:

[SWMG]

Dont be scared you need those few pounds to get better it is true that only have one life and because of that we have to live plenty why would you like to be in hospitals and with doctors if you have the control and the option of getting better?

[ThisIsGay]

i feel the same way aha. but i'm not underweight.
i'm 5'6.5 and 170lbs.
most of it's baby fat,
i apparently have a ton of muscle.
but i'm going to lose weight.

[Nevermore]

I know, it's just that my irrational part of me hates any sort of weight gain, loves it when I lose it. I've lost almost 5 lbs since the first post. Which is sadly makes me happy. I perception is horrible. Not only that, but I view myself as pretty, and how others will see me as ugly. Well guys not girls. And parental approval I"m looking for. I don't want boobs, I don't want a but, thighs, hips, because guys want to grab that sort of thing, and I can't let that happen. Not again. :'( I'm just a mess. I need help, I've got it, however I don't want it. Everything I say is a contradiction, but somehow makes sense to me.

[SWMG]

Oh girly! You have to love your body the way it is I mean not every guy will want to abuse of you those were some jerks that have no values or moral. You have to have a person in which you can trust and allow them to help you, ill be here if you need it

[Love.Hate]

Everyone hates gaining weight, but you need to know that guys are not going to do that again, your not going to let them. Your body is yours not theirs. I think that you need to get help to get over your past, because it's haunting you still. It's unhealthy to not have curves, boobs, etc.. It's part of the female body. Try to accept the help, I know what it's like to have it and not want it, but it's for your health. You really really need to use this help because it's spiralling out of control.

[Syvelocin]

I know, it's just that my irrational part of me hates any sort of weight gain, loves it when I lose it. I've lost almost 5 lbs since the first post. Which is sadly makes me happy. I perception is horrible. Not only that, but I view myself as pretty, and how others will see me as ugly. Well guys not girls. And parental approval I"m looking for. I don't want boobs, I don't want a but, thighs, hips, because guys want to grab that sort of thing, and I can't let that happen. Not again. :'( I'm just a mess. I need help, I've got it, however I don't want it. Everything I say is a contradiction, but somehow makes sense to me.

I don't have much to say, but I want to let you in to my story a bit, it might help.

That's how I started, sort of. I knew that if I didn't eat, I wouldn't grow. I had this control. I could stop puberty. I wouldn't get my period, and I would be able to hide myself, to prevent things from happening to me again. I thought I wouldn't be found attractive if I didn't become a woman.

That ended up warping into a struggle for perfection, for control over that number and how small I got.

For a sort of time line for reference, that was when I was fourteen or fifteen. After my self-harm started, after and because I was raped, and before I turned to drugs.

Honestly though, this isn't the answer. Not to freak you out or anything, but this method isn't sure-fire, of preventing that from happening to you. It didn't work for me. It didn't solve anything. My uncle didn't stop abusing me. I wasn't taken any more seriously than I was before. It was just the same, except I had health issues as well, and I hated myself even more.

[LKIFMRUG9556]

oh well:) You'll always be beautiful to me;)

[XxMurderedKissesxX]

I know how u feel,if the scale even goes up one number,i feel so disgusted with myself. But if u continue to loose weight,u wont be happy,u'll b miserable. Because no matter how low the scale gets,it wont be good enough for u,and even if by some chance it is,u wont beable to stop. Being skinny wont make u beautiful,weight hardly ever has anything to do with that. I looked at ur picture,and to me,u look amazingly beautiful,im jealous,I wish I looked as pretty as u. I hate hospitals and therapy to. It makes me feel broken and damaged,like I cant be normal on my own,but the reason therapy exists is because when people cant help themselves,other people guide them until they can. Im not trying to be mean or b*tchy,I just dont want u to get as bad as me.

[screamtobeheard]

I understand how you feel, love. You want to get better but then you don't because getting better makes you feel awful about yourself. Just try to love yourself no matter what, and don't worry about other people. You can show them that you're strong and deserve respect in other ways than this.

[kai99]

If you gain weight you will only get healthier and maybe even more beautiful than you are. If you lose weight you will only get a poor health and get more depressed.

[the_chef_of_your_lif]

I want to weigh 95 lbs and i'm 5'4'' which is about 20 pounds under what I should be and i weigh 105. I hate seeing the 100 in that, i hate looking in the mirror and seeing the tummy flab that us girls have to be ready for pregnancy. It sucks seeing all these celeberties without a belly, or even a small tummy hanging out. I have a high metabolism so i can't gain weight too easily even being lazy. I still see myself as fat, hate the feeling of food in my stomach and love the feeling of emptiness even though I'm starving.
But of course this doesn't solve anything. My weight goal is too low, my tummy isn't that big, and i dont have much force behind my punches and pushes. I can't even shove my boyfriend off me when he decides to pin me for the hell of it. Being small isn't going to help you.
The recovery process is gonna suck. A lot. You're gonna cry, you're gonna hate your friends and family for making you gain weight. You're gonna hate that you're the same size as every other girl around you. But you know how good it will feel knowing that you dont look like a skeleton in a swimsuit, you dont look like some old skinny lady who is just skin and bones. YOU WILL HAVE A FIGURE instead of a stick. And you'll be able to beat the shit out of those assholes who did try to steal a feel because you'll have that force behind you and still look damn good. Take baby steps and accept the help. I may not know you, but no one wants to lose you. Especially the too shy to say anything about loving your laugh or smile guy/girl.

[Ethen]

Hi Nevermore,
It a healthy sign that you are conscious about your weight and health. Some tips to reduce extra weight:
Do break your meal in 5 small meals,
Drink 2 glass of water before every meal,
Eat slowly and chew food well before swallowing,
Do eat fresh fruits and vegetables more in your diet plans,
Do start some sport, exercise or any physical activity to reduce weight quickly.

[Sogeking]

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