Darkness Falls - Poem

[Totality]

New Poem - Not as could as previous ones however



Darkness Falls

He was there,
Cold, Alone,
Distantly away,
Ran from Home

Living on the streets,
Moving to pass,
Sleeping in gutters,
Eating the Grass

He had done it once,
Could do it again,
He just remember,
About all the pain

Because he caused that,
Death and Destruction,
He had it done it again,
He had no restriction

He had hidden the bodies,
Washed away the blood,
Burnt all their clothes,
They did all they could

Now they were chasing him,
Throughout those Halls,
Because this is what he becomes,
When Darkness Fall's

[deadpie]

The rhymes were really bad (Halls and falls/pass and grass). I think the violent part of it could of been better if went into more description, but then again I'm a gore freak so maybe I'm too rough on that.

"He just remember, About all the pain". Extremely cheesy.

You really need to try to be more descriptive and not use such dull and weak words. Be creative with your rhyming too.

[Totality]

like i said, not my best work - my best work is entitled What's Life.

Also i agree with constructive criticism,

but just calm down a bit, this was done late at night and on the fly.

My Rhymes are fine the way they are, and it makes the poem flow.

The violent is fine, as this wasn't meant to be a violent poem.