Too weak.

[Grapefruitt]

Hey guys.
I just wanted to tell my story.
I promised my mum, to stop. I was feeling better. New school, new place. Far from home. New friends. A fresh start.
I stopped slowly... And i was 'clean' for ½ year.

Then everything totally messed up in december.
I began to feel depressed again, i was so scared. I spend 1½ year on my depression, cutting, and tears. I didn't want to go back.
But it began to be darker outside, and so did it inside me.
I really tried, i had some new friends. Really good friends. And the school was great. And best of all, it was far from home. (It was some kind of boarding school, but different... )

But i couldn't go to the lessons, i stayed away.
My parents were really worried, but i didn't want to quit my school,
it was really confusing. I loved the school and the friends i had there, but i just couldn't handle it. Everything was too much. I stayed in my room.
But i stayed away from cutting, even tho it was so tempting. I missed it.
I stopped at the school in march. I realized that i couldn't finish the year, and i lost.

So i came home, and started in a new school. 3 month before the school year ended.
It didn't work, i was in the new school in 3 days, and then i gave up. I really tried. My mum and dad tried to help. But one morning my dad found me in my room, crying so hard and trying to cut my wrist so i just could die and this hell could end.

But that was the only time i was cutting again, and i didn't even do it because my dad stopped me before i started.

It was just a weak moment. I was still strong enough to keep me away from cutting.

But things got worse.

My boyfriend, which i really loved, dumped me. I found out that one of my near friends were just a faker, and that he was in a gang and were selling drugs. My mum and I argued everyday, i found out that my bf were cutting, that people in my city were talking about me, that i was on drugs. (I've never touched that shit. So i don't know why they think that.) and so on.

So yeah. That was it. I gave up. Mum and dad, i'm so sorry, but this is just enough.

I started to cut again for 2 days ago.

[bambino]

hey Millie, I understand its really hard coping with school/college [I dropped out for a year when I was 16 with depression and self harm]

are you having any counselling? Or have you spoken to your doctor about this. The waiting lists can be pretty long but CBT might help you [thats cognitive behavioural therapy] which basically trys to get over situations that make you anxious and change the way you think, therefore changing the way you feel.
Sorry if it sounds like a load of rubbish but thats what my counsellor tells me.

Half a year is an amazing time not to cut! And just because you've slipped up now doesn't mean you have to fall into your old ways. There are plenty of people on here to help support you and encourage you to keep on the right track.


Also I would advise you took down the photographs as some people may find it 'triggering'. You might have heard the term; it means it might kickstart someone into cutting again. Similar to anorexia in that pictures of extremely thin people might kickstart their 'diet' again.
I don't know if anyone else agrees with that. But I find it slightly triggering ):
but I haven't cut for 2 days!

Message me if you need to chat.

[Grapefruitt]

hey Millie, I understand its really hard coping with school/college [I dropped out for a year when I was 16 with depression and self harm]

are you having any counselling? Or have you spoken to your doctor about this. The waiting lists can be pretty long but CBT might help you [thats cognitive behavioural therapy] which basically trys to get over situations that make you anxious and change the way you think, therefore changing the way you feel.
Sorry if it sounds like a load of rubbish but thats what my counsellor tells me.

Half a year is an amazing time not to cut! And just because you've slipped up now doesn't mean you have to fall into your old ways. There are plenty of people on here to help support you and encourage you to keep on the right track.


Also I would advise you took down the photographs as some people may find it 'triggering'. You might have heard the term; it means it might kickstart someone into cutting again. Similar to anorexia in that pictures of extremely thin people might kickstart their 'diet' again.
I don't know if anyone else agrees with that. But I find it slightly triggering ):
but I haven't cut for 2 days!

Message me if you need to chat.


Hey. :) I was at a psychiatric house for young people, for 1½ year ago when i had a depression first time, and i'm starting there again.
So i hope it'll help me a little. And i know, i was really proud of myself, for not cutting for a ½ year. Even tho it was tempting to start.
But now when i'm doing it again, i feel like 'why should i stop'.
And oh, sorry. They are gone now again. :) I'm pretty new here. ^^'

[bambino]

Did the pyschiatric house help you?
I guess you'll know why I'll say you should stop. It's just the endless cycle of:
-i feel bad about myself
-ill self harm to make me feel better
-i feel bad for self harming
-ill self harm again
etc etc.

It has no positive outcome in the end. And this might sound weird but one of the reasons I use to try and stop myself is I dont like the thought of worrying my family and friends. Also in say 5 years [I'm 18] i dont like the idea of having my husband/boyfriend or even my kids ask what the scars on my arms are from. I'd want to protect them from that.
My six year old cousin started asking about a few scars on my arm infront of my grandparents- i almost had a fricking panick attack!! But I managed to shrug it off as some old injuries from my childhood.
Thanks, I'm new here too haha.

[Love.Hate]

But now when i'm doing it again, i feel like why should i stop

First off Welcome to VT :D

Also a huge well done for going so long without!! its not an easy thing to do, it shows how strong you are. Even if you dont feel it now, you have proven to yourself you can do it! :D

Everybody asks themselves this question at one point. I think the thing you have to rememeber is that its not worth it. Your damaging your body, your making yourself feel like crap.. in the long run. You also isolate yourself from everyone.. for example not going swimming etc..

You should stop because you want to. Not because people think you should because if you start out like that then your less likely to succeed. You need to want this. Sorry to hear all the problems your facing, but it wont be like this forever, i promise you.

If you ever need to talk, or just fancy a chat im here. :)

[Fiction]

Welcome to VT.

I'm sure you know already that cutting will not help you. You know in the long run it'll only make things worse and that it is not what you want. I'm sure you already know this but you should try and stop, before it becomes addictive again. You've done so well to get this far! And I mean it. it may seem tempting but it really isn't worth it in the long run.

Feel free to pm me if you ever need help