Scared out of my head, I don't know what to do

[HandheldOutlaw]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, as the abuse isn't currently going on.


Growing up, I suffered all kinds of abuse from both parents, specifically my father.
He raped me at age ten, after touching me years before that. He beat me til the day I left. Six years later, I'm stuck with the flashbacks. Stuck with the pain. Stuck. I feel so completely alone, even now. I feel alone and disgusted. I remember all the things he said to me during..they've stuck with me.

My family knows what happened. I got the courage to tell them earlier this year, and I haven't seen him for two years.

This is the problem. This Sunday is Easter. He's coming over. Coming to church. Coming to my house. I'm so scared. Everyone is telling me he could have changed. No one gets it. I feel angry, betrayed. They all promised me that they wouldn't let anything happen. I don't care that they say that. It's not a comfort at all. He doesn't belong here. He's hurt me, and I'm afraid he'll do it again, or hurt my cousins.

I'm so afraid, and I don't know what to do.
I could get out of it, but I can't leave him alone with the kids, but I can't be here at the same time. I can't.
I'm so so so scared

[anonymous53]

Do not let him come. He hasn't changed. Watch over him like a hawk and protect your cousins. Don't let him anywhere near them. It's messed up that they're saying he could have changed. People like that don't change. You said this happened a few years ago, it might not be too late to report him.


My suggestion, if your family won't take it into their hands to get rid of him, tell him you'll report the abuse if he comes anywhere near you.

This guy is lucky he's not in my family. He would be dragged out into a field, get the crap kicked out of him, castrated then turned into the police.

[HandheldOutlaw]

I can't stop him from coming, I know that for sure. I've talked to my uncle (I live with my four uncles, my aunt, and three cousins. This is the uncle that took me in and cared for me. He also has always had a strained relationship with my dad) about it, and he agrees with me that he shouldn't come. My aunt and other four uncles are the ones saying he won't hurt me again, not around everyone. My uncle is upset with them but says he has no control over the situation, which I completely do not agree with. He is the main provider, for everyone.

I'm definitely watching over the kids. There's no way in hell he's coming anywhere near them.

That's what I wished had happened when I told, but at the time no one knew where he was. Right now, they all have the "let it go, it's in the past" attitude.

Thanks so much for your advice.
x

[anonymous53]

Eh, I'm never going to let go what happened to me. I tend to hold grudges, and with things like these they shouldn't be forgiven. I'm still surprised your four uncles are jumping all over your father and giving him a good old fashioned beat down.


I condone violence in very few situations, but I do believe if he comes anywhere near you, you have the right to kick him where it hurts.

[restricted NA]

Dear god , don't let that man anywhere near you. You should tell your family just not to let it happen that it would bring back old wounds (which im sure it is). Or if you can't just stay cautious, he's dangerous im sorry to say. What he did to you is horrible and your so brave for going through all that. The best thing to do is to focus on protecting the children and ignore him. Im so sorry this all happened to you. Hope this helped, we can talk anytime :D

[Spook]

If people do something alot, and say they've changed, it's most often not true. Trust me, I know.

Watch him and don't let him get anywhere near you or your cousins. I can't imagine what you had to go through, but you or your cousins shouldn't have to go through it again, too.

Did you report the touching and rape? That is child molest and he can be put behind bars.

Some people don't want to split their family by putting one of the members behind bars, but what he did is wrong and unhealthy for his child, and he deserves it. Don't let him hurt others.

[MattVon]

I must say, I'm pretty disappointed in the people who say he has changed or "may" have changed. I'd totally slap them with a wet stinky fish and open their eyes, they obviously don't know how you feel or what you're going through because they didn't have to go through what you did, and I'd be very surprised if one of them has and still says he can come. That's not right at all, I'd make it very clear to them it's not right he can come. And if that doesn't work, then I'd make a point out of it and start my "What if?" engine.

What if he did things to the other kids? What type of people let a child molester into their home, knowing full well he did it and they have kids themselves in the household. I honestly mean to no disrespect by you or your family (excluding your dad), but your family are idiots for allowing this. I'd also make the point of "So what if he has changed, you can't prove it and I'm scared of him.. But no, you'd rather have him come over put me through stress and real live my memories and worst of all give him the opportunity of knowing he's haunting me and either put me or the kids at risk".

There's many ways to persuade someone to not allow something, but if that doesn't do it well.. You better have a damn big fish ready to slap them silly.

[HandheldOutlaw]

Thanks so much everyone.

@Caitlin-No. I didn't report him. :/

@Mat-The whole situation is that he basically invited himself over. I've argued, pleaded, whined, and threw the what if cards everywhere. No one agrees with me except Bret (the fatherly uncle), and I even think he's wrong because he's not stopping it.
One of my uncles told me the other day when I was told about this that I was busy dwelling on the past, and I'm NOT. I do normal teenage things. I focus on school, I have a girlfriend. I am not dwelling on it, I just don't want to see him again. No one seems to understand that but Bret. I even brought the kids into this, and I was told that he's always going to be supervised, and that he is family too and has the right to spend holidays with his family.
So yes, I completely agree that they are all freaking idiots. So, no offense taken.
I haven't asked them for proof of his change though...and I know they have none. As far as I know, no one has seen him since the last time I have, and what is a phone call for proof? Nothing.





To be honest, I don't mind the fact he's coming to church. He can come to church all he wants, but I don't want him anywhere near me, especially not in my home, the only place I feel safe from him.

[anonymous53]

No, he doesn't have the right to be with the family at that point, in my opinion. Yeah, your family is kind of full of idiots. I don't see why they are trivializing this like "Oh well, he won't do it again. He changed" They need to stop caring about his feelings and care about the damage it's causing you. You're the innocent one and he's the guilty party.

[HandheldOutlaw]

:/ I don't think he has the right either.
My family has always been the one that "looks perfect." My uncles were raised to be kind of close minded. They were always in a safe, little bubble. They don't understand much of anything about the world.

I'm just...so afraid. I'm waiting for Bret to get home. I am going to talk to him again.

[anonymous53]

If they were raised to be close minded I wish they were raised the way my family was. Like I said, your father wouldn't be alive right now had it been our family.

[HandheldOutlaw]

Talked to Bret. Told him EXACTLY how I feel.
Scared out of my mind. Stomach in knots. Lump in my throat. He's talking to everyone else.

[Spook]

Thanks so much everyone.

@Caitlin-No. I didn't report him. :/

@Mat-The whole situation is that he basically invited himself over. I've argued, pleaded, whined, and threw the what if cards everywhere. No one agrees with me except Bret (the fatherly uncle), and I even think he's wrong because he's not stopping it.
One of my uncles told me the other day when I was told about this that I was busy dwelling on the past, and I'm NOT. I do normal teenage things. I focus on school, I have a girlfriend. I am not dwelling on it, I just don't want to see him again. No one seems to understand that but Bret. I even brought the kids into this, and I was told that he's always going to be supervised, and that he is family too and has the right to spend holidays with his family.
So yes, I completely agree that they are all freaking idiots. So, no offense taken.
I haven't asked them for proof of his change though...and I know they have none. As far as I know, no one has seen him since the last time I have, and what is a phone call for proof? Nothing.





To be honest, I don't mind the fact he's coming to church. He can come to church all he wants, but I don't want him anywhere near me, especially not in my home, the only place I feel safe from him.

Right to spend holidays with his family? :eek: That's SO messed up after what he did to you. :(

[moon_lit_angel]

Hey hun.. Thats awful what he did to you. :(
im sorry
:hug:
I know that i have to see the person who sexually abused me for 2 years every now and then.. i hate it.
and i feel sick every time..
all you can do is stay away from him.
its to be a nice day sunday so bring all your cousins outside to play
xx

[anonymous53]

Talked to Bret. Told him EXACTLY how I feel.
Scared out of my mind. Stomach in knots. Lump in my throat. He's talking to everyone else.

Good, hopefully they take care of it. If they don't and he comes anywhere near you I'm pretty sure no one would object to you kicking him where he won't be too happy.

[HandheldOutlaw]

**Update**
Easter went really well. My uncles went to meet my dad at a park, after dropping me and my cousins off at my girlfriend's house. Didn't have to see him.

Thanks all for your support. (:

[fanox]

Glad it worked out for you.

Just a thought to keep in the back of your head. Its not too late to report this to the police. Also, if you decide to go to the police, you can decide not to press charges at any time. You may also want to think about getting a protective order against him coming near you.