Time to admit..

[Love.Hate]

Okay it's time to admit I have a problem.
I don't know what's wrong with me.. I hope someone can tell me.
Don't get me wrong I love food, I love eating it.. But I hate it inside of me.
I can't stand the thought of having it in me. So I throw it up, regularly.
I thought I was over this, I hadn't done it all this year. Get to April and I'm worse than I ever was. I'm still fat Fran, but if it's not in me I'm okay with being fat.

:/

[georgiamay]

:hug3:

There's nothing I can say that you haven't already heard before, but I'm just going to go ahead and say it anyway. I know that me saying this won't change the way you feel, but you're nowhere near fat, you're beautiful. I know that you know you're not overweight.

I get what you mean about loving food, I love food too. But if you don't eat enough or you purge when you do eat, then all you can think about is food. That's your body telling you to eat, if food is all you can think about, then your body wants food. If you don't eat even though your body wants you too, you're more likely to binge, because when you go to finally eat, you can't stop yourself and you lose control. That really isn't a nice feeling at all, losing control. I don't know if you are binging, you haven't said, but if you are then you know what I'm talking about. If you're not, then I'm saying that as a warning, you don't want to start binging.

I'm not going to bother going through the health risks, you know them all... But just think is it really worth it? If you go down this road you'll get stuck there, and the physical damage will just get worse. If you don't eat enough and keep it down, your matabalism will slow down to the speed of a snail, and then when you do start to eat, you'll put on weight. I don't know about you, but I freaked out when that happened. It was like I'd worked so hard to lose all that weight, and I gain half of it back because of one day of eating normally? It was so frustrating.

I remember you used to see a psychologist, did that stop? If it did, is there any way you could go back? Maybe if the last psychologist didn't really work, you could ask for a different one?

You know where I am yeah? :)

[Love.Hate]

Yeah I have been binging a bit. Not often though it just makes me feel awful and completely helpless. My life now revolves around cutting and food. I hate loosing control, which is the case with both things. Your right its not worth it, but I just feel.. Almost guilty if I'm full. It's an odd feeling. I'm scared of putting loads of weight on.

Yeah I did see a pshychologist, bit it didn't turn out very well. I'm currently only seeing my school counsellor. She is making me write a food diary for over the holidays. Which makes me feel worse, as I can see on paper whats inside of me.

Thankyou for your reply Georgia :)

[SWMG]

You have to control the eating I mean if you eat too much you will get a feeling of disgust and you might want to purge so eat well because you need food and you are not fat you are really pretty

[georgiamay]

Yeah I have been binging a bit. Not often though it just makes me feel awful and completely helpless. My life now revolves around cutting and food. I hate loosing control, which is the case with both things. Your right its not worth it, but I just feel.. Almost guilty if I'm full. It's an odd feeling. I'm scared of putting loads of weight on.

I get what you mean. I don't think I've eaten without feeling guilty at all in the last few months. The only way you'll put on loads of weight is if you eat too much and never exercise, so there's no chance of that happening to you. I know that you'll still be afraid of it though, people that go through this feel scared about it anyway, no matter what logic tells them.

Yeah I did see a pshychologist, bit it didn't turn out very well. I'm currently only seeing my school counsellor. She is making me write a food diary for over the holidays. Which makes me feel worse, as I can see on paper whats inside of me.

Thankyou for your reply Georgia :)

Honestly, my school counsellor was shit. Instead of making things better she just made things worse for me. That could just be my school though, yours might be different. But I'd say try and ask to see a different psychologist. If you've only seen one, you don't know that it won't turn out well next time.

And no problem. :)

[Nevermore]

Admitting is the first step. Now you need to recover, seek help. It's going to be hard, but so well worth it in the end. Can you imagine a time where you don't want to throw up? Being happy with yourself? Professionals can help you.

[Love.Hate]

I get what you mean. I don't think I've eaten without feeling guilty at all in the last few months.

But I'd say try and ask to see a different psychologist.

yeah i hate feeling guilty about it.. It like its food and everyone eats so why should i feel guilty when its inside me? And yeah im going to ask my school counsellor to refer me to a different one. But i have to admit to her i have a problem first.. or to my mum first? Idk. Maybe.. I really dont know if i should. I think her knowing about my cutting is enough for a bit. Dont want to send her into shock.

Admitting is the first step. Now you need to recover, seek help. Can you imagine a time where you don't want to throw up? Being happy with yourself?

Im not sure if i want to recover.. you see i can control this. My cutting has got out of control so i have kind of moved onto something i can control alot better. This also makes me feel good about myself.. in a weird way. I truly dont think i will ever be happy with myself, so i give up trying with that. It would be nice not wanting to throw up after eating though.

Oh and SWMG Its all very well saying that, but my brain just wont click. I dont want to eat too much, because i dont want to put on the weight.

Thankyou for all of your replys :)