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Tee-Jaii
April 18th, 2011, 03:21 PM
I posted this on another website, and got very little help, so i thought i'd repost it here, and hopefully get some more help =)
((posted several months ago in december))

okay, this is going to seem pretty long and confusing, but im going to go into as much detail as possible to get as much help as possible.
The events occur in school, and so, this may be a bit hard to understand, and any further information needed will be given.

my story begins in september '07

At this point i was in year 8 (age 13, close to fourteen)
the previous year was when I had first told myself I was Bisexual (Age 12)
okay, so lets start at the very begining.

September 2007 - July 2008

The start of september is when I returned from summer holidays. After a couple weeks, i have settled in, and have gotten to know roughy what people are like in my new classes. and the story begins in my French class.

In our school, there are three major, unwritten groups. Theres the "populars" - People who have lots of friends, the majority of them are chavvy, enjoy drinking, sex the whole buisness.

The "Freaks" - self explanatory, not many of these, these are th epopel who just, dont fit in, everyone dislikes them near enough, and theyre the butt of all jokes.

Then there are the regulars. Which is where I am. Average people, they got their friends, and their lives are good.

Now, in my French Class, Theres a boy called Mitchell (no surnames for privacy) who falls under the "populars" category. Now, All I know so far about Mitchell, is that he is a pretty cool guy, he's funny, a bit of a rebel, and he is pretty smart.
Which is all i know for a few months, untill I end up sharing a P.E changing room, where i notice that he is, And if you'll excuse the common term, Excruciatingly Hot! and i dont just mean normal hot guy hot, i mean, More muscled than most guys my age, nice skin, the lot, And I only notice because i overhear one of the "populars" talking to him, saying "Mitch, Seriously, Your Ripped man!" and he acts modestly, and doesnt agree, but of course, I look over and notice that he really Is.
okay, so all I know so far, is he is Hot, he's clever, and he is funny.
And, Okay, I dont feel much for him yet, but y'know, ive got this sort of "I Would" thing i my head, as most people do with people they find attractive.

But over the course of the year, i get to know him indirectly, never actually speaking to him properly, but i gradually learn more about his personality, things about him, hear people saying things about him, and its all stuff that i look for in a guy. and so, at this point, I develop a crush on this boy.

of course, i dont tell him, i havent told anyone I'm Bi for a start, so thats off the checklist.

this is pretty much how it goes up untill the next year, 2008

September 2008 - July 2009

at this point, I have had girlfriends, but none of them ever matched up to what i wanted from Mitchell. as far as it goes here for this year, nothing really happens if i'm honest. plenty of gazing, and wishing, and my feelings for him grow, but not much past the crush still. I'm still "In The Closet" if you will.
Me and Mitchell still arent talking, not out of hate or dislike, but purely because w ehave no need to.
and thats how it is for the year, i almost forget about him untill around the end of the school year, June, where I share a class with him again, as my timetable is changed, where i am reminded how much i liked him.

September 2009 - July 2010

This is where my troubles begin to set in. around the end term of the year, which is probably at around May by this time, i am only sharing maths class with Mitchell (the timetable change) but my feelings have just gone overboard, I full on want to be his boyfriend. Cross country comes along, And after we have been running around, (I shoudl take this opportunity to tell you that i am not an attractive guy, or conventionally at least, im pretty overweight*, and so thats an instant dismissal to most people) And around this time im around 14, and so is he, And this is where puberty sets in, meaning quick muscle growth. I return fro cross country to find Mitchell is sitting with his top off, and i am suddenly blown away by him. Which then makes me think of everything else about him i love, his personality is brilliant, i ahve recently discovered that he is nto as chavvy as i thought, he is friendly, clever, everyone lieks him, even people from the "regulars" seem to think he is a good guy, and he is my perfect guy.
but, my feelings are truly hammered in when i tellt he first person i am Bi, my best friend Vikki. I talk to her about Mitchell a lot, telling her everything i love about him, and stuff, and then she asks me, as a random, off the wall remark because we were joking about people we liked, she says "At Least I dont Love Mitchell (surname)!" which is when my face drops, and i feel my face burn. I had never thought about it like that, but i realised that I thought i was in love with him, and although it was impossible, I barely knew him, It seemed right.
of course, at first, Vikki was saying i'd get over him, it's a phase im going through.
but it isnt, He ends up playing on my mind a LOT, and often i am reduced to tears by it (pathetic I know) and Vikki, one day, catches me crying, and after i explain why, she starts to agree that maybe i am in love with this boy.

so it stays liek this for a while, through the summer, and into year eleven, where we are now. And the trouble REALLY Begins.

*See Attatched Picture of Me :D

September 2010 - Present

By Now, i have told many people I am Bisexual. i'm "out" and i'm in a class with a lot of the "populars" and i become friends with some of them. and one of them is extremely good friends with Mitchell. we get talking, and she tells me how amazing he is, and that several other bisexual people have liked him before.
which, for some unknown reason, crushes me.
unknown untill i realise that if so many bisexual people have liked him already, and they were his friends, and he hasnt said yes to either of them, what chance do i have with him?
so for about a month, i spiral into a more depressed state of mind, but i perk up again after a while, and begin tlaking to other people about it, friends i can trust, who all give me excellent advice, which laste dup untill about two months ago.
which was when the wrong person found Out that i liked Mitchell, and told him.
this was not what i wanted at all. if he knew, i knew that he would hate me, i didnt know why, i just knew he would,
im even mroe crushed. He knows, and turns out he had already guessed. Guess i shoulda kept it hidden better. I decide that the best move is to ignore him for a while, dont let him know i know that he knows.
so, we're in class one day, (meaning a few days after i discover he knows) and i raise my head to look at the board, when i notice someone looking at me.
Mitchell.
and He's Glaring at me.
of course, i've welled up, and had to blink away tears, which is when i notice a couple fo the more "Bitchy girls" looking at me too, and i realise that htey also know.
and so, after lesson, i can hear them whispering "Oh my god! did you hear? Tom Fancys Mitchell!!"
so one of them turns to me and asks if it's true
in a panic, I ignore them, and walk quickly away into my next lesson, forgetting she was in it, and when she follws behind me, she looks at me with a face torn between "i'm sorry," and "gossip!!"

which leads us up to now. I'm still avoiding Mitchell, but i cant help it, if i hear his voice in class, or if i see him catch my eye for a split second, I feel this, strange, sinking feelign int he bottom of my chest, and it hurts, like a physical pain, which then changes to shaking, like im running off adrenaline, then fades. A while ago i felt the pain so badly i almost passed out, becaus ei couldnt controll my breathing, or my shaking legs.

So,after that long winded story, I want advice/answers/opinions on a few things:

ONE:What is it? Is it Love? a Crush? What could last this long, which can be affecting me so much, even though i barely know the guy as a friend
TWO: What do i do to cope?
THREE: What is the sinking feeling i have?

Any Further Details will be happily Provided

Thank you.
Tom -x-

HandheldOutlaw
April 18th, 2011, 04:03 PM
What a sticky situation, so very sorry. D: It's difficult liking someone who is not into you.
1) I can't answer this one, I am assuming the feeling is different to everyone.
2) There's not much you can do. I know it will be difficult, but you've gotta let it go. Remember that there are plenty of other people, and if it was right, it would have worked out. Continue to explore your options. Try to get in touch with others for support.
3) I would say it's hurt, disappointment, possibly fear? I get the same feeling when I am in an empty classroom with a teacher. Obviously not the same situation, but a similar feeling from what you've described.

Best of luck to you.
x
Lauren

anonymous53
April 18th, 2011, 04:09 PM
ONE: It seems like a crush, and since you haven't really gotten to know him well you should talk to him. Go straight up to him "I like you, want to at least be friends?"
Two: Music, you'll be okay
Three: I don't know how to explain it, I used to get it a lot whenever something bad happened. You just seem nervous.


My final summary. Go talk to him, maybe you can become friends or work it out so that he doesn't absolutely hate you. I know...easier said than done.

boysboysboys
April 19th, 2011, 04:08 AM
(im sorry this is quite long!!)

wow i am soo sorry for what has happened to you!
when i read ur story it just took me back to when a very similar thing happened to me.
i ended up telling the wrong people that i was gay and they spread it around within days!!! and my best friend (who i had been best friends since we first started school) snitched on me and told them who i liked and so those rumours were added too!!!

it was horrible! people were coming up to me in class and asking me questions, are you gay? do you like this guy? are you bi??
this went on for a couple of days straight. and it wasnt just me that was getting abuse, it was my friends too! we eventually told our year co-ordinator and she stopped all the rumours.

BUT
the guy hated me since. i know its not positive for you and im sorry about that, but he did. however, i know that he was really homophobic before he found out, and this just cemented it for him.

btw, this was all in yr 9, and i had him 5/8 classes, so ur lucky you are a bit more mature than i was when i was in that situation.

but for your problem,
i think his reaction should tell you that he isnt ur guy.
however nice and charming and hot and perfect you think he is- he isnt right for you. if he was that perfect, then he wouldnt have reacted in such a bad way. he would have come over to you and asked himself if it was true, telling you that he didnt care whatever others said. but he didnt.

so my advice to you is u just have to accept that he isnt the right guy. it took me a long time to realise that and now that he has left school, i dont think about him that way anymore. time will help you- i know its cliched- but it will. trust me!

keep ur friends very close to you!! dont push them away by saying u dont wanna talk about it- keep them close cos they will support you!!!

i think that you just had a very strong crush. i dont think it was love.

and the sinking feeling i just got the heart beats faster response evertime he was near. but what i think you are experiencing is ur body representing the rejection in a physical way. it will pass. just get distracted with something else, focus on something that is equally important. my heart stopped beating fast eventually. ur pain will go away. if u feel it coming on, just breathe slowly and try and not think about it.

now for some general advice. stay healthy! when i was having a rough patch, i wouldnt eat as much. i lost weight throughout the whole ordeal. so stay healthy!

if you wanna talk more to me about this just send me a message and ill help as much as i can.

smitty35
April 19th, 2011, 04:06 PM
ONE: A crush for sure...mabye love...thats for you to decide.

TWO: You are most likely not going to get him, so take your mind of of it and occupy yourself with something else. Like video games, music, jacking off ect. Find a good hobby.

THREE: The "sinking feeling" is the feeling you get when you know that you and him cant ever be. Your stomach sinks and you feel like you are about to get sick. I get this feeling when the Colts season is about to end. Different people get this at different times.

Starlight Blaze
April 22nd, 2011, 08:33 PM
I wish I could give you great advice and solve all of your problems, but I can't, because some problems are left unsolved.

This sounds like love, but may not be since you aren't close.

Coping isn't something you can exactly do. You "cope" by just doing things you love, or hanging out with people you love. Focus on your sports, your schoolwork, your friends.

The sinking feeling. It's a complicated thing. You know he doesn't feel the way about you that you do about him. Your body is taking sadness and making it physical. There is sort of a medical "condition" for this. It's something like psychosomatic. Mental or emotional problems are turned into physical issues. That's the best explanation I can give.

My last words of advice would be to not let this consume you. I know it's hard, I have had similar situations. But becoming obsessive about it, or becoming a shell, is not good. I've become an emotional shell, and it isn't easy to come out of. Just be with people who love you and support you, and let them be your anchor, your cane.

JohnHoper
April 22nd, 2011, 08:39 PM
This is very hard to answer, but whatever happens, good luck cause you'll need it. You're most likely going through hard infatuation.

Rayquaza
April 23rd, 2011, 07:26 AM
1) sounds like true love, you need to express your feelings to him
2) same as above, but try writing your feelings on paper
3) Im not sure about the sinking feeling. Maybe its your mind teeling your body that you are drifting away from him...