advice on cutting, my relationship, my life!

[samanthaclaire]

Hello! well today has been really tough, if im honnest i didnt quite know where to post this, this whole post will be full of a few different types of things. fist of all though, im currently in a relationship thats been ongoing for the past 8 month! we were best friends for about 3 years before the relationship started, and at first everything was just so perfect... past relationships for me have been really rough with voilance etc. this relationship was going so well, apart from my jelousy & insecurity! but we were getting through it. then all of a sudden my emotions were sky high, i have no reasons for it all... i would cry about almost anything, i could be the happiest person then seconds later crying or being so angry! i started cutting again after a 3 year gap! worst mistake of my life, going back to it... but its like comforting for me, i have voices in my head that tell me that its okay and sombody will take me away from the world if i wanna go! im petrified of myself! ive woken up in my kitchen holding knifes to myself, im not able to live a normal 17/18 year olds life. but all of this happens when me and my boyfriend have arguments, now we just argue because he doesnt understand what im going through, he this cutting is pathetic and that there are other ways to cure me! when i cut its because i cant feel anything, i need to do somthing to just feel somthing again, i dont feel safe unless im with my boyfriend! only him how am i meant to get through this alone? i cant talk to my boyfriend and all my family do is worry i have nobody to turn to anymore!! this just keep getting me down. i feel like getting a bottle of vodka drowning my sorrows then taking a knife to my wrists... but im scared!!! im scared of living but im scared of dying..... i dont no what to do anymore, HELP PLEASE!

[anonymous53]

First thing is relax, try to explain it to him. Maybe through a choice song that you like. Try to think of alternative ways to cope, instead of cutting maybe try a rubber band. (I know it's not the same feeling). It might help you stop cutting a little at a time though.

[moon_lit_angel]

i agree with above ^^
also maybe try going to your doctor or local counsellor..
how did you stop sh before?

[samanthaclaire]

First thing is relax, try to explain it to him. Maybe through a choice song that you like. Try to think of alternative ways to cope, instead of cutting maybe try a rubber band. (I know it's not the same feeling). It might help you stop cutting a little at a time though.


Hello Rob! this make so much sense, its just the doing part.. i find it easy to here advice, but then putting it into practice! thankyou for your help and i shall definatly be trying that!! :)


Sandra Hi! i stopped before by being put on anti depressants. i got better somhow, but it was so long ago i cant remember! HA!!

[anonymous53]

@Sam, maybe the medicine's effect is no longer working and you might need a higher dosage. Talk to your psychiatrist about it :)

[MattVon]

Hey Samantha, I'm sorry to hear that you've experienced violent relationships in the past, I really think guys who think it's okay to be violent in a relationship, but most importantly to a female in general need to be kicked in the balls. Although it is good to hear that you've got through them rough time and from what you've said, found a good relationship. You've said that you've got through together past your jealousy and insecurity but these are normal feelings to experience in my opinion, it's a sign of caring for your other half so it's good to hear that you've got through it.

It's a shame to hear that you've gone back to cutting, I've never been a person to understand the point of cutting but I've tried to persuade my friends to stop it and find something else. My suggestion to you, as it has been to other friends is find an alternative non-harming thing to cutting, I would suggest music and build from there since music can mean a lot of things to people these days, and there's so many genre's out there to like, as well as many lyrics to enjoy.

It is a tad scary to hear you're waking up in the kitchen holding a knife, maybe your wanted to make a sandwich? (Possibly the weakest joke known to man, I just wanted to bring some positive thought into this and hope I've made a small smile out of it, if not disregard what I said)

In my opinion there's no such thing as a "normal" 17/18 year olds life as we all live our life differently. I suggest you talk to your boyfriend about the arguments and what they do to you if you haven't already told him. If I was him, and I was told about what the arguments caused I'd feel so bad for not knowing before hand and causing pain to you.

Speaking of which he does sound a little like me, although I have a better way of handling things, I agree with him though. I personally think cutting is pathetic, but I'd never call people who cut pathetic, so I hope he hasn't said that about you with. As I've said many times before, everyone is different and we all handle our situations differently, for those who don't do cutting may not understand much compared to a person who does or did cut.

I think he needs to open his mind and think about what he's putting you through, I'd rather be an understanding person than argue about something that can hurt you. As I suggested earlier, music. Try widen your music taste and find new music, or something that can occupy your time that's good for you. It's best to be open to ideas and try them than to resort back to cutting, you even said yourself you regret cutting again.

There is a slightly confusion upon me, you say you don't feel safe without your boyfriend but arguments with him are a cause of your cutting, I think it's best you think about yourself before thinking about feeling safe with anyone at the moment. It's best to be strong and independent than to rely on someone else, especially if you can't talk to him and get help from him.

Like I've recently said, you should try talk to your boyfriend and open his eyes to what he is capable of doing, if he refuses to help or at least be patient and understanding about how you are at the moment it's best have a break from him. I honestly don't see the point in being with someone if they can't be there to help you and understanding. Sure, it's one thing to love someone, but it's another to be ignorant and not help out.

I don't know how close you are with your family, but you should tell them no matter what that there's always someone to talk to, whether it's at school, with family, etc. There's one thing that's always there and that's the internet and people in similar situations that want to help, or people who just like to help, there will always be someone to talk to.

I'm not much of an alcoholic person, but I know it isn't really helpful.

This is how I deal with life, I accept it.
That's it, I accept it and move on. Though saying that, I rely on music a lot and hehe let's put it this way, my friends are concerned with my music obsession, based on one band.

Either way I think I've spoke too much and I applaud you if you have spent your time reading, let's just hope the time spent reading it prevented you from doing anything bad in the past few minutes and I am more than willing to talk to you about random things to help you not concentrate on cutting, etc.


---
Holy shit I wrote a lot, I honestly didn't think it was that much.. Damn, I should clap myself on the back for such a post. I just hope it was helpful for you, and anyone else for that matter.

[Iam.]

Good post MattVon!!

[Iam.]

And i mean that ^^^

[samanthaclaire]

This is how I deal with life, I accept it.
That's it, I accept it and move on. Though saying that, I rely on music a lot and hehe let's put it this way, my friends are concerned with my music obsession, based on one band.

Either way I think I've spoke too much and I applaud you if you have spent your time reading, let's just hope the time spent reading it prevented you from doing anything bad in the past few minutes and I am more than willing to talk to you about random things to help you not concentrate on cutting, etc.


MattVon; i love this part, thankyou so much. i have been so down in the dumps today and this message kept making me smile and have a slight giggle to myself :) you might possibly have the best personality on here! im please you can make a joke and laugh about the bad things in my life, that way i can see a fun side to life.. not everything has to be bad!! i hope you mean what you said about me being able to get intouch even for random things even if its just to pass time and prevent me from cutting!! thankyou again.

[MattVon]

MattVon; i love this part, thankyou so much. i have been so down in the dumps today and this message kept making me smile and have a slight giggle to myself :) you might possibly have the best personality on here! im please you can make a joke and laugh about the bad things in my life, that way i can see a fun side to life.. not everything has to be bad!! i hope you mean what you said about me being able to get intouch even for random things even if its just to pass time and prevent me from cutting!! thankyou again.
You're welcome, I'm glad it's lightened your mood up, and of course I meant it when I said you could contact me. =]